


A Million Holes Poked In The Soul - Part One

by nannyogg123



Series: A Million Holes Poked In The Soul [1]
Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Angst, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-03-25 07:10:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 60,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3801397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nannyogg123/pseuds/nannyogg123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is Part One of the story - Alec Hardy's weeks leading up to the Sandbrook case... Where Alec is planning on taking his daughter to a wedding, but life gets in the way. (AU as we don't know much about life before Sandbrook) Part Two will focus on the Sandbrook case and how it rips Alec Hardy's life apart. There is no Ellie Miller in his life yet, but there is Daisy...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. CHAPTER 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PaintedHeart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaintedHeart/gifts), [Hazelmist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazelmist/gifts).



> A/N: This story was inspired by a picture that Alec Hardy is carrying in his wallet in my other story “A Better Way To Fall”. The amazing Lauren was lining up to write a fanfic for the fanfic, but alas – I beat her to it :-) Turns out there was a much bigger story hiding behind that picture and this is it. It’s been a wild ride writing it and it totally took a life of its own, steadily growing and evolving (and still is). I hope you’ll enjoy Alec’s journey with me. It’s not always a happy one, but we already know that anyways.
> 
> The story begins a few weeks before Pippa Gillespie and Lisa Newberry go missing.
> 
> The story is dedicated to…
> 
> The amazing Lauren – without her this would have never happened. A million thanks to her for all her support, comments and general awesomeness! This is for you, girl!
> 
> The inspiring Hazel – whose caps-lock comments have made my days ever since I started writing this story and who suffered through every cliff hanger I threw at her. My apologies. I hope it was worth it.
> 
> My husband – who thinks I use too many modifiers (he’s probably right) and who’s trying not to get too jealous of Alec Hardy. I love you!

**PART ONE**

* * *

_For all of the loved ones gone_  
_Forever's not so long_  
_And in your soul_  
_They poked a million holes_  
_But you never let them show_  
_Come on its time to go_  
  
_And you already know_  
_Yet you already know_  
_How this will end_  
  
_Now you've seen his face_  
_And you know that there's a place in the sun_  
_For all that you've done_  
_For you and your children_  
_No longer shall you need_  
_You always wanted to believe_  
_Just ask and you'll receive_  
_Beyond your wildest dreams_  
  
_And you already know_  
_Yet you already know_  
_How this will end_

Devotchka – “How It Ends”

 

* * *

CHAPTER 1

Alec Hardy's day wasn't going very well. He had overslept because he had been too tired the day before to remember to set his alarm. He had stayed late at the police department to finish the arrest paperwork on what had started as a domestic violence case and had ended with the cold blooded murder of the wife and teenaged son by the husband. The brutality of the crime had left him with an extremely unsettled feeling more so than usual and his nights were plagued with nightmares.

He woke up so late that he didn't have time for his usual morning routine of having tea with Daisy and that put him in a truly foul mood. His temper was already flaring when he walked into the station. He took the stairs, too impatient to wait for the elevator. When he reached the third floor he was out of breath and his heart beat felt oddly off. Bloody hell, he _was_ out of shape. He could still hear Daisy teasing him about this, just this past weekend. They had been down by the river for a hike when a sudden downpour hit them on their way back. They ran to the car and by the time they reached it, she was 10 yards ahead of him and he was too winded to even retort at her squibbing remark.

Despite really wanting that cup of tea, he dodged the office kitchen not feeling like exercising his questionable conversational skills at the usual morning small talk. His DS Dave Thompson probably had made a joke, as the others were laughing loudly. Dave was good at that, at least according to Tess. At this thought he could feel his ears turning red with frustration and he got even more annoyed.

Tess never missed an opportunity to point out that he had the social skills of a hermit crab. It used to be a loving joke, when pointing out his latest mishaps in the minefield of what others called human interaction. When they first met she used to find his bluntness and awkwardness endearing, but lately he wasn't so sure about that anymore. Her remarks were outright _mean_ at times and it had happened just too often for him not to feel utterly defiant about it by now.

"DI Hardy!" PC Jensen called after him while he was storming through the busy CID main office. "Good morning, sir. The super wants to see you right away." He gave the man a glare. _For God's sake_ , he hadn't even reached his office yet. And still no tea insight.

He let out an exasperated huff and mumbled, "Be right there." rolling the 'Rs' more than usual. He dropped off his woolen coat at his desk. Then he took a moment to tighten his tie, to straighten his collar and to tuck at his shirt and suit sleeves. He ran his hand through his auburn hair. At least he had had enough time to properly shave this morning. He hated not having the time to do so. He might have the reputation to be a gruff arsehole but that didn't mean one's exterior needed to be gruff as well. At least not in his wife's opinion and in the end to him that was all that mattered. Her’s and Daisy's.

Thinking off Tess - he’d better come up with a good excuse why he dinged the brand new car this morning. In his rush to get to the station he had bumped the trash cans while backing out of the driveway. He sighed and braced himself for the bollocking that was to come. Yet another reason why this day was one that couldn’t be over soon enough.

 

* * *

 

He knocked at his superior’s door and entered without waiting for an answer. His CS, Edward Baxter, had his back turned to the door, working on his computer.

Without even looking away from the screen Baxter greeted him, “Ah, that can only be you Alec. You’re the only one who would just barge into my office without being asked to come in.” When Baxter looked at him, he raised one eyebrow. “What’s that face for?”

“Don’t call me Alec. You know bloody well I hate it” Hardy snapped at him, dropped the file on his superior’s table and put his hands on his hips.

“Really? Who pissed you off this morning? Something in particular or just the world in general?” Baxter didn’t budge under Hardy’s piercing stare.

With a low voice, Hardy begrudgingly admitted, “Didn’t get to have tea with Daisy this morning.” He shoved his hands in his pocket and bit his lower lip.

Baxter chuckled. “I see, maybe I should talk to that girl so that it doesn’t happen again.”

Hardy was quick to reply, “Oi, it wasn’t her fault. I overslept.” And with only ever so little tiredness in his voice he added, “It got late last night.” He sighed and plopped on to a chair.

His boss and friend gave him a long look before he eventually spoke. “This case…” He pointed at the file folder. “You seem… more _involved_ than usual. You alright? Wanna talk about it?” Baxter didn’t let him look away, holding his gaze.

Hardy shifted uneasily in his chair and growled, “ ‘M fine.” Even to him this didn’t sound convincing.

“Bollocks, Alec. I’ve known you for how long now? More than a decade? Don’t give me the ‘M fine’ treatment, because I know that’s your default answer when things are _not_ fine.” Baxter was frowning and clearly unhappy with his friend.

Hardy rubbed the back of his head with his hand. He looked away out of the window. “ ‘S not only the case. Tess and I… we’ve been arguing.” He could hear Baxter take in a quick breath in surprise.

“How come? You never argue. It’s not needed. She usually has won the argument before it even started.” Baxter scoffed. Although being his long term friend, he had never been entirely fond of Tess, but out of respect for Hardy rarely let on about his feelings for her.

Hardy all of a sudden felt exhausted. With a certain air of defeat he said, “Well, if you want to put it that way.” And after a pause he decided to share. “She is refusing to go to Duncan’s wedding. She doesn’t want to budge, no matter how important it is to me.” He could hear the hurt in his own voice.

Baxter was quiet and with a small nod encouraged him to go on.

“What am I supposed to do? He’s my oldest and best friend… I’m his best man, for God’s sake. And just because she doesn’t _like_ him she doesn’t want to go and more so, she doesn’t want to let Daisy go as well.” He wiped his face down with his hands.

“Daisy is so excited about it. She has been talking about it for weeks now. In fact, I’m supposed to take her shopping this afternoon for a dress. The wedding is in a few weeks and all of a sudden Tess decides to be difficult about it.” He huffed in exasperation. “Beats me.”

Baxter tried to be pragmatic. “Then just go without her. Take Daisy as your date and have fun together.” And with a little malice in his voice, he added, “Take lots of pictures and make Tess regret that she didn’t come with you guys.”

Hardy didn’t say anything. He chewed on his lower lip and crossed his arms over his chest. Baxter was right. He shouldn’t let this get to him so much. But he couldn’t fight off the hurt feeling and bitterness that came with the awareness that Tess couldn't look past her own dislike of his best friend, blatantly ignoring how important it was for him to go to this wedding together as a family.

Tired of his own repetitive thoughts, he got up. “All the paperwork is in the file. Can I… would it be okay, if I left early today? Tess is at home today and I want to…” He trailed off, not entirely sure what he really wanted.

Baxter just nodded. And when Hardy was about to step outside, he said, “You know that you can always come to me, if you need help. No questions asked.” Hardy was touched by the sincerity of his friend’s words. Not trusting his face to not give away his emotions, he didn't look at him when he breathed a “Thank you.” before leaving the office.

 

* * *

 

His long strides took him quickly across the CID room to his office. He grabbed his coat and with a swift motion swung it on his lanky body. He all but ran out of the station. All he could think was to get to his car and leave work behind. Tess’ angry accusation of him being married to his job echoed through his mind and he felt a pang of guilt. He had been more at the police station than home lately. He barely was spending any time with Daisy besides their morning ritual when she made him tea – according to her he was a sad example of a human being before his first cuppa. He smiled. It wasn’t only Daisy who was looking forward to going to the wedding together.

He reached his car, climbed in, buckled up and started the engine. But he didn’t drive off. As fast as his burning desire to go home and make up with Tess had come, it dissipated equally as fast into thin air. It was replaced with anger fueled by the feeling of being let down by his wife - the wife he would do anything for. His long fingers were gripping the wheel tightly, his knuckles turning white. He was taking in deep breaths between his clenched teeth, trying to wrestle down his feelings of frustration and disappointment.

It was hard for him to come to terms with the fact that Tess was so stubborn about the wedding. When they had received the invitation, she had snatched it out of his hand, and made a derogatory comment about the bride. She didn’t dare to say anything about Duncan though. He was Hardy’s oldest friend, going all the way back to prep school and Tess knew very well that he wouldn’t allow any bad words about him. Tess never really liked him since he had called her out over flirting with him many years ago at a Christmas party. Hardy had brushed off his friend’s concerns at the time, but the strained relationship between the two of them had made it hard to stay in touch with Duncan as much as he would have liked to. The more pleasantly surprised he was when he had asked him to be his best man.

He jumped when someone knocked at his car window. His heart gave a sudden jolt in his chest and sped up noticeably. Panting slightly, Hardy turned to the window. He opened it when he saw PC Jensen questioning frown.

“Sir, everything alright?” PC Jensen looked concerned enough to mask his curiosity.

" 'M fine." He growled and closed the window again.

_Fan-bloody-tastic_.

He scrubbed down his face with his hands. He could only image the juicy story Jensen would share with anybody who was willing to listen over a cup of tea in the office kitchen. Now the whole station would gossip about him storming out of the office, only to be found sitting in his running car in the parking garage. His day was only getting better.

 

* * *

 

He finally left the garage. His enthusiasm about going home was nonexistent by now. He checked the time – not even elven o’clock, ample time before his shopping date with his daughter. Also, not the worst time of day for traffic. He chewed on his lip, still tightly gripping the wheel. He decided to go for a drive. He had always enjoyed driving, especially if he didn’t need to be anywhere. The fast but steady movement of the car paired with the habits of years of being behind the wheel taking over allowed his mind to wonder and relax.

After getting on the motorway, the tension finally left him. And after another twenty minutes or so of idle driving around, he pulled over and grabbed his phone. He had reached a decision. He called Tess’ number. She picked up after the 5th or 6th ring – a clear sign that she didn’t really want to talk to him.

“What do you want, Alec?” Tess’ voice sounded tired and – he couldn’t quite name it – sad, possibly? Not what Hardy would have expected, and the thought of her being sad made all his determination to be firm with her melt away.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Listen, love...” He didn’t get far.

“No. You listen to me. I am sorry that we argued about the wedding. I shouldn’t have been so…”

She didn’t continue and he filled in, “… unreasonable?”

There was a slight hesitation on her end, but then she conceded, “Aye, unreasonable. I’m really sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

Hardy let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. “ ‘S alright. I could have been less of stubborn arse about it too.”

She chuckled. “Oh shut up Alec. Quit taking the blame for shite you didn’t do. We’ve talked about that before. I had no business to make such a fuss over the wedding. You should just go…”

He interrupted her, “I want you to come, Tess. Please. I’d miss you being there with me. I need you. You know I’m rubbish with…” He was searching for the right word and when he finally found it, it he made sound like the most horrendous thing ever, “… with _socializing_.”

The phone rang with her clear laughter. “Alec Hardy, you’re a bloody idiot, but I still love you.”

“So you’re coming then?” He hoped, he didn’t sound too needy.

She hesitated again. “No. I’m not. I don’t share your fondness for Duncan and I have no interest in spending any time around him. I’m sorry, Alec, but I just don’t want to go.” Her tone didn’t leave room for discussion.

Baxter was right, there was no need for an argument. She had already won before they started. He had basically begged her to come with him but to no avail.

He tried to hide the defeat in his voice, trying to save some dignity, and all he could get out was, “I see.” He rested his head against the window of the car, his eyes closed, stinging with tears.

She was silent at the other end. He took in a deep breath and mustered all the determination he had left in him.

“If you like it or not, Daisy will be coming with me. She is looking forward to it so much, and there is no reason to drag her into this. I’m taking her shopping for a dress this afternoon.”

“Fine.” Her tone was sharp and it didn’t take him much imagination to picture her beautiful pouting face. “I’ll see you tonight then.” And with that she hung up the phone.

His eyes were still closed. When he rubbed his hands over his face, he wiped away tears he wasn’t even aware of shedding. And he couldn’t shake the eerie feeling of missing something without even knowing what it was that he had lost.


	2. CHAPTER 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you all who have read the story and hopefully enjoyed it so far. I’m excited to post the next chapter – it’s time that Alec hangs out with Daisy :-)

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 2**

Hardy made his way back towards town with enough time to grab lunch before meeting with Daisy. He didn't have much of an appetite, but as he had made a deal with Daisy to not skip meals, he chose to go for the closest chip shop. Her mother had been so upset with her when she found out that Daisy had been skipping lunch at school. A heated argument ended with slamming doors and sulking on both sides. Daisy locked herself in her room and refused to come out or talk to anyone through the door.

He was picking at his chips, dwelling in the memory. He grinned remembering Daisy's dumbfounded face when he had knocked at her second floor window, precariously perched on a ladder leaning against the outer wall of the house. She had opened the window, yelling at him to bugger off, her face awash with apparent anger but fighting the fear he might fall off. And then she slammed the window in his face. He had lost balance and fell off the bloody ladder.

He was lucky. A pile of leaves softened his fall and he got away with a concussion and a broken forearm. Tess was furious with both of them. The entire car ride to A&E, she went on a rant about how she wasn't only dealing with one child, but two, and how incredibly stupid he was, how he should have cracked his skull instead of just his arm. Daisy was sitting in the back of the car with him, holding the hand of his non-injured arm and gently pressing the ice pack against the lump on the back of his head. And when they had to pull over because he had to throw up from the concussion, it was her who rubbed his back soothingly and talked him through it.

He bloody hated hospitals. They made him stay overnight for observation. He was ready to sign himself out, but neither Tess nor Daisy would have any of it. Tess went home quickly, but Daisy stayed as long as she could. She felt very bad about him getting hurt, which did not prevent her from scolding him for how stupid his stunt with the ladder had been. He could tell she was trying to fight back tears. Her hand was squeezing his so hard that it hurt. He pulled her a little closer and placed a kiss on her forehead. Finally, she asked what on earth he was trying to accomplish by climbing up to her window.

As she had refused to talk through the door, he thought she wouldn’t refuse to talk to him at the window. He had come to make a deal with her. If she stopped skipping meals at school, he would stop skipping meals at work. Always concerned about her Dad’s well-being, she accused him of emotional blackmail and begrudgingly agreed to the deal. When he went back to work a few days later, she had prepared a lunch box for him and herself. And every day there was a little treat for him in there, sometimes it was his favorite scone from the bakery next door, sometimes it was a short story she had written for him, and sometimes just a quick drawing of a heart with “I Love You, Daddy” written in her curly girl’s hand.

 

* * *

 

Hardy wished he had one of those lunch boxes now, he sure could use a pick me up. His mood hadn’t improved much and he really didn’t want Daisy to know that her mother and he had had a fight. He walked back to his car, only to find a parking ticket tucked under the windshield wiper.

_For fuck’s sake_ , _really?_ _What was it with this day?_

He saw the uniformed traffic officer a few cars down the street. He snatched up the parking ticket, squinted at the small print and fumbled for his glasses.

_75 pounds? Seriously?_

He plucked the glasses of his nose and ran after the officer.

Slightly out of breath, waiving the ticket in front of the officer’s face, he called out, “Oi, what’s this for? I paid the meter.”

The uniformed officer looked at him, and with her eyebrows raised, stiffly answered, “You parked over the line. It’s a fire station driveway.”

His Scottish accent was getting stronger with his exasperation. “No, I didn’t. Wanna come and check?”

The traffic officer didn’t even bother answering him. She ripped off her next ticket from the pad, stuck it under the wiper of another poor soul’s car, and then she turned to walk away.

Hardy lost his patience. He whipped out his ID badge and dangled it in front of her nose. His voice low, he growled, “If you don’t come with me and check the bloody line, I will talk to your supervisors about the little scheme that you’re pulling here.”

He could see her expression change, guarded now, but also suspicious. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” And after a pause she added, “Sir.”

He raised his eyebrows and gave her a piercing glare. “Don’t give me that bull shit. I’ve worked traffic long enough. Rather unusual that _all_ the cars on this street would have a parking violation.”

He looked her straight in the eyes, his gaze armed with what he usually reserved for the notorious liars in the interrogation room. He held up the business card that he had found next to the ticket. “What’s this then? How convenient is it to find the business card of a barrister who’s an ‘expert in traffic law’ right next to the wrongly issued parking ticket? How much is the scumbag paying you? A fiver per ticket? Ten pounds? It better bloody pay off, if you’re letting yourself get dragged into shit like this” She had the decency to blush.

With his voice still low, but far less menacing, he continued, “If you come with me now and check that bloody line, I might be inclined to forget about this rather unfortunate incident.” And because somewhere deep inside him he felt bad for her and the shitty job she had, he added, “If it turns out that I _should_ have parked over the line, I _will_ pay the ticket.”

He hadn’t. He got up quickly from where they both had squatted down to check the line, and when he turned around in one swift move, placing his hands on his hips, pushing his suit jacket back, he all of a sudden felt light-headed. He swayed against his car, sucking in a sharp breath.

“You alright there, sir?” He could hear the concern in her voice. “You look a little pale.”

He swatted away the hand that reached out to him. “ ‘M fine. Guess I got up too fast.”

She gave him a questioning look, but didn’t say anything else. She shrugged, and asked nervously, “So, are you going to tell someone?”

Too distracted by what just had happened, he muttered under his hitched breath, “No. Just stop doing it, find a better way to make some extra cash.” He gestured for her to leave. “Go on then. Back to what you were doing.”

Hardy was still leaning against his car, the moment of dizziness fading while he was trying to breathe calmly in and out. He felt unsettled by this sudden weakness. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and noticed the time on his watch.

_Bollocks_.

Now he was going to be late to pick Daisy up from school. Pushing aside his unease, he got in the car and drove off. Darting in and out of traffic, he couldn’t help but think that this time around, a traffic ticket probably would have been justified.

 

* * *

 

He arrived at the school and parked on the opposite side of the street, waiting in the car for her to come over. He used to greet her at the gate with a hug and kiss but no longer was this acceptable behavior. Turning from child to teenager, Daisy was quickly growing rather self-conscious about how others perceived her. One day in recent weeks she had asked him not to wait in front of the school gate anymore, and for once he wished he was less perceptive and would not have noticed how embarrassed she appeared when he had hugged her in front her classmates.

He let out a deep sigh and leaned his head back onto the car seat. He didn't remember dozing off, but he got jolted awake by the passenger side car door being yanked open suddenly.

His heart beating rapidly, he hissed at his daughter, "Bloody hell, what did you that for? You scared the shit out of me."

She plopped on the seat and tossed her bag to the back. "Oi, Dad, language."

He gave her a sideways glare, and muttered apologetically, "Sorry. Don't tell your mother or I'll be in trouble."

She scoffed. "You already are anyways."

He gave her a puzzled look. Did she know about the fight over the wedding?

"Ach, Dad. The car. You dinged it... the bump on the back wasn't there this morning when I left for school." And she gave him this look of implying his utter daftness that she reserved for him when she deemed him too slow to follow her thoughts.

He looked at her with what she called the 'wide-eyed-puppy-begging-stare', and not without mischief in his voice asked, "Do you think you could tell your mother it happened in the parking lot? Spare your old Dad a bollocking?"

Indignation dripping of her with every word, she replied, "I see. Whatever happened to 'Don't lie, the truth will always find its way out'?"

"Hmmm... must have forgotten about that... with the concussion and all. Who came up with that shitty platitude anyways?" He braced himself for the attack that was coming his way.

And sure enough, Daisy whacked him on his arm, hard. "You did. Mom says shitty platitudes are your forte, remember?”

She tried to suppress her urge to giggle, but when he demonstratively rolled his eyes at her, she burst out in laughter. So did he.

 

* * *

 

Hardy was about to start the engine, when she asked him to wait. She quickly got out and ran after a group of teenaged girls, who he vaguely remembered being in her class. He watched her talk to them and his frown was growing deeper by the second. Daisy greeted the group with a big smile and a wave and started talking to them. They seemed not very thrilled to see her there. One girl, who he thought might be the group’s unofficial leader, replied to her with a clearly disinterested face. He could tell from the way Daisy was standing with her feet crossed, her arms folded over her chest and her head slightly tucked to her chest, that she didn’t like what she heard.

She turned around and walked quickly back to the car. Her face was stern and impassive, but her eyes who were so much like his own, were betraying the storm inside her. His heart fell. Remembering his own trials of his teenage years was one thing, but witnessing the cruel game of teenage friendship and rejection play out in front of him with his daughter as the protagonist, opened up a whole new category of heartache, one that he had been dreading.

When she got back in the car, he put his hand on her shoulder. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

She shrugged his hand off. “No.”

She looked away, out the window, and he could swear he had seen a glimpse of tears in her eyes. His paternal heart broke. He could feel heat rise inside him and was fighting the very unreasonable urge to go and run after these girls to give them a bloody bollocking.

Daisy had read his mind. “Please don’t do anything stupid, Dad.”

Not trusting himself to say the right thing, he just nodded. Then, touching her chin, he gently turned her face towards him and made sure their eyes were locked before he said, “You know you can always come to me and talk. I might not have the greatest answers, but I will always listen, I will always be there for you and I will always have your back. No matter what other kids say, no matter how much they hurt you or how much they love you, never forget who you are and where you come from. Because I know who you are, and I know what a great person you are. And I’m not just saying this because I’m your Dad. You know me better than that, I wouldn’t.”

His voice was breaking up. He cupped Daisy’s cheek with his hand and wiped away some tears with his thumb. When he smiled at her, the skin at the corner of his eyes crinkled and his face was nothing but sincere. “I love you, darlin’.” And before she could say anything, he pulled her into an awkward hug across the middle of the car.

After a moment, he heard her muffled reply. “You’re being soppy, Dad. _Again._ Thought we talked about that.”

They both chuckled and he let her out his arms. His hands lingered on her shoulders, and holding her at arm’s length he scrutinized her face. No more tears, all traces of the pain of rejection well hidden behind those brown eyes.

“So, are we going shopping, or what? Can’t just sit in the car all day and listen to you dispensing advice on how to live my life.” Daisy’s voice was full of mock indignation.

“Oi, not fair. I didn’t run off after a group of mean girls and come back all grumpy.” He grinned.

“Ach, shut up, Dad, and drive!” And for once Daisy didn’t sound like her mother, but just like him.


	3. CHAPTER 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read the story so far and is following. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter – it’s rather fluffy :-)

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 3**

Daisy’s mood had improved and with that so had Hardy’s. While he was driving to the shopping center, she was chatting away about her daily life and he was happy to listen. He missed this and he regretted spending so much time at work lately. Eventually, she did tell him what the brief interchange with those girls was about. She wanted them to come to her birthday party, but apparently she wasn’t ‘cool’ enough for those girls to grace her with their company.

He let out a quick huff and tried to hide the disdain in his voice. “Doesn’t sound like people you would wanna hang out with anyways.” It didn’t work.

“Oh, come on Dad.” She snapped at him. “That’s not how that works. If you want to have a successful party, then certain people need to be there. If they’re not, the whole school will know the next day.”

It pained him to see how much of a teenager she had become, and even more so how quickly she got dragged down the rabbit hole of trying to be popular. He’d never succeeded at it as a teenager and still was rather low on the popularity scale. For him it didn’t matter though, he knew the difference between being popular and true friendship. He preferred the later, even if that meant he only had a few people to fall back on, but at least they would be there for him with no reservations. She was a confident girl, but maybe this confidence was being eroded by the ever growing peer pressure and the general teenaged lack of compassion. He wished he could give her better advice, but he lacked the right words. And in a way, he knew that she had to make her own experiences, and all he could do was to be there for her when she needed someone for comfort and reassurance.

“If that’s what it is about, then we’ll just have to make sure that they get to talk about something better than who wasn’t at the party.” He tried to be encouraging, but judging from Daisy’s face it didn’t quite’ work.

“And what would that be then, ey? A facepainter? Because you know, I’m not five anymore.” Her sarcasm was scathing, and he flinched a little. She clearly wasn’t buying his feeble attempt at comforting her.

He huffed with exasperation, “I don’t know.” And with more warmth in his voice he added, “… yet. But I’ll think of something. I promise.”

“Fine.” She sounded less angry.

_Better_ , he thought and was trying not to get too anxious about having to figure out what would be the talk of the day at a thirteen years old girl’s birthday party.

 

* * *

 

They arrived at the shopping center. He parked the car and they climbed out. Daisy gave him a mischievous look.

“So which of those cars is going to be the guilty party then? I’d better be detailed with my story for Mom. You know how inquisitive she gets.” Her face was drawn into a wide grin.

He pointed at the black truck on the other side of the parking row. “That one’s as good as any.” His grin was just as wide as hers. He put his arm around her shoulders and together they walked to the stores.

Inside, she was in charge where to go. She had it all planned out, having searched through countless fashion websites to find the right type of dress. It had to match Hardy’s suit. When she had asked him what color his suit would be, he was confused. He didn’t quite get why that was relevant to her choice of wardrobe and he certainly hadn’t expected her to get in touch with Duncan’s fiancée to find out what they had planned for him as the best man. Apparently, they had already picked an outfit for him and he just needed to get it fitted. At least it wasn’t a traditional Scottish wedding, he’d rather not embarrass himself in front of his teenaged daughter wearing a kilt. Instead, he was surprised it would be a classic tuxedo but with a dark purple vest and tie. Daisy was very pleased with the color choice as purple was one of her favorites. As she pointed out to him, it matched her skin tone and hair.

Hardy was sitting on a bench in the shop, surrounded by rows of gowns and party dresses. Next to him, holding on to what seemed like a countless number of shopping bags, was a young man with a tired face. Hardy followed his gaze to a pretty young woman who was enthusiastically talking to a shop assistant. The man smiled and shifted under the weight of the bags. His gaze drifted down to the slightly swollen abdomen of the woman. The man’s smile grew wider, and Hardy was sure that the woman was expecting.

A quick image of Tess standing on the porch of their house, bathed in evening light, hand on her pregnant belly, flickered across his mind. That was the day they had found out they were having a girl. He smiled at the memory, reliving some of the fluttering butterfly feeling in his stomach he had that day.

And for no other reason than being in a good mood for the first time this day, he asked, “First baby?”

The man next to him jumped, shaken out of his reverie, and dropped a few bags. A pink baby girl outfit fell out of one of them. Hardy, feeling bad that he had startled the poor guy, quickly bent down to pick up the dress and bags. Not a good idea, as it turned out that very much like earlier in the day, he felt unsettlingly dizzy when sitting up. He sucked in a quick breath and held on to the bench, eyes closed, waiting for the spinning to ease up.

“You alright, mate?” Hardy felt the man’s hand on his arm. “You don’t look so hot. Want some water?” He opened his eyes when the man placed a bottle of water in his hand. He cracked the seal and took a long gulp. Somewhere at the back of his head, a nagging sensation of something being wrong was starting to take hold. He ignored it and blamed it on lack of sleep.

“ ‘M fine. Thanks for the water.”

“I don’t know where she takes the energy from.” The man gestured towards the woman. “I’m spent, and I’m not even pregnant.”

“ ‘S what they call the nesting instinct. Never quite understood that concept. One moment they are too tired to get whatever food they crave out of the fridge and the next minute they drag you through all the baby stores in a 50 mile radius.” Hardy remembered his own exhaustion and exasperation with the pregnant Tess. It had been rather trying at times, both tempers flaring, but it always ended up with him going along with whatever she needed.

“So, you’ve got kids then? This is our first.” The expression on the man’s face was full of pride and excitement.

“Aye, a daughter. She’s somewhere in the store picking out a dress for a wedding.”

The man quickly glanced over his shoulder as if to make sure they weren’t overheard. Then, with a low voice and a concerned look in his face, he revealed what was troubling him. “It’s a girl. She wants a girl, but I don’t know. I mean, of course I’ll be happy to have a daughter, but I’m scared I wouldn’t know what to _do_ with a girl. They’re so…” and his voice trailed off with his inability to express what girls were like.

Hardy smiled at the man. He leaned a little closer and placed a hand on the younger man’s shoulder. Then he said with the utmost conviction in his voice, “I assure you, there is nothing better that can happen to you than being the father of a girl.” Hardy gave him a squeeze with his hand, nodded a good bye, got up and left the younger man on the bench surrounded by the shopping bags, his eyes wide with a newly found confidence about becoming the father of a baby girl.

 

* * *

 

He finally found Daisy in the fitting room area. She and the shop assistant had piled up several purple dresses and were comparing two pieces of purple colored cloth against each selection. Not quite sure what they were doing, he walked up to them and put a hand on Daisy’s shoulder. She turned around, her cheeks flushed with excitement. She was beaming. A strand of her long reddish brown hair had come lose from her braid and he automatically brushed it out of her face.

With a puzzled undertone, he asked, “What’s that, that you’re doing? Thought you’d be trying on stuff by now.”

Like always, her speech sped up when she was excited. “We’re comparing the color swatches from your suit with the dresses. It has to be the right shade.” And he found himself yet again at the receiving end of another ‘don’t-be-so-daft-Dad’ stare.

He sighed and not without some doubt said, “I see.” He fished his glasses out of his jacket pocket and squinted down at the price tags of the assembled garments. _Bloody hell_ , she sure had an expensive taste. He hoped, he had been able to hide his somewhat stunned face before she could see it. He didn’t want to spoil the experience for her.

He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the door frame of the fitting room. He watched his daughter chatting excitedly with the assistant, holding up various dresses, eventually settling on three choices to be tried on. He watched her laugh, twirling around while holding the dresses against her tall and slender figure. He felt rather awkward when he noticed that her body started to develop curves in the right places. And the thought of her beautiful face breaking not only his heart but also the hearts of all the teenaged boys out there, filled him with pride and intense jealousy at the same time.

With a brief smile at him, she disappeared in the fitting room. It took her longer than he'd expected for her to come out and show him the first dress. It was made of some shiny purple cloth and looked a bit too puffed up for his liking.

He must have been not fast enough with hiding his dislike as she said, trying to hide her disappointment equally unsuccessfully, "You don't like it."

He decided to be honest. "It's a little... puffy. Maybe we'll look at the others, hm?"

She bit her lip and went back to get changed. He sighed inwardly. This may end up more complicated than he thought it would be. He'd never had enough tact to go shopping with Tess. He had tried but after his bluntness had made her angry and cry one too many times, he gave up tagging along. He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger ending up pinching his nose.

"Dad, you look tired. When did you come home last night?" He hadn't heard her come out again. Her hand gently touched his elbow. He looked at her and tried to smile.

"Not too late." And in order to distract from a topic he didn't wish to discuss he quickly added, gesturing at the dress, "This is pretty."

This dress was a much better choice. It had a light purple color, was knee length, and had a nice cut. It made her look cute. He nodded encouragingly.

She gave him a questioning look but let it go. She then smiled and twirled around.

"It's pretty. Not too expensive. And I could wear it also after the wedding." She chewed on her lip again, clearly mulling it over.

"But... you don't love it. It's alright, darlin'. Go on, put on the next one, we'll take all the time we need." He squeezed her shoulder, turned her around and gently nudged her towards the dressing room. She surprised him by breathing a quick kiss on his cheek.

"Thanks, Dad." And she ran back inside.

He was not prepared for the next dress. She walked out slowly, with graceful long strides, beaming at him. His jaw fell slightly and he choked up. He stood up straighter, shoving his hands in his pockets.

The dress was long and flowing, a beautiful shade of dark purple. It had a silk shine to it and was light around her body. She had opened up her braid and her reddish brown hair was gently framing her face, perfectly in line with the dress. She was breath taking.

He swallowed hard and tried not to tear up. It was beyond his ability to name the emotions that were running through him. He could not believe that this beautiful young woman - not girl anymore - was his baby daughter.

She walked over to him, grabbed his hand, held it over her head and made him slowly twirl her around.

"So, what do you think?" Her eyes sparkled and she gave him her most gorgeous smile.

He cleared his voice. "Oh, darlin'... it's beautiful, _you're_ beautiful." He placed a kiss on her hair.

She blushed a little. "Thanks, Dad. Can we get it, please?" He nodded silently, not trusting his voice, and she skipped back into the fitting room. Maybe his little baby girl was still somewhere in there after all.

 

* * *

 

Of course it had to be the most expensive of the choices, but he didn't really care. She had put so much energy in finding the perfect dress. Besides, after seeing her in it, there was no way, he could have _not_ bought it. It was perfect. And as she was very keen to point out, it would exactly match his tuxedo. She was extremely pleased with herself, and this made Hardy feel happier and more alive than he had been in weeks.

His latest case had taken a lot out of him, more than he was willing to admit. It wasn’t only the hours but also the senselessness of the crime, the sheer brutality of the act itself. He always took it more to heart when the victims were women, and Baxter had warned him several times to be mindful of that fact. It never clouded his judgment, but it made keeping the emotions at bay harder. And the longer he was in the business of murder and death, the more he found himself question humanity. He hadn’t been dealing with a child victim since he became a father and he was more than grateful for that. He shuddered at the idea. He didn’t dare to explore what that might do to him.

“Oi, Dad, no work at home, remember! We had a deal.” She poked him in the chest.

He snapped out of his thoughts and gave her an apologetic smile. She could always tell when his mind wandered off to work.

“Sorry, darlin’. So, what’s next then? Do you need…” He wrecked his brain what else she may have planned to shop for.

_Shoes maybe?_. Wasn’t that always part of an outfit?

“Do you need shoes?” His eyes widened with the question, hopeful that he might have guessed right.

She tucked her arm under his and giggled. “Dad, you’re cute when you’re trying to be all _girly_.” She looked up at him, and the warmth in her eyes drove away all the lingering dark thoughts in his mind.

“I’ll do that on the weekend. With Mom. Wanted to go to different shopping center.”

He felt a pang of jealousy. After all what had been said between Tess and him, he didn’t really want her to be part of this. And he immediately felt guilty for the thought. It wasn’t about them, it shouldn’t be. This was about Daisy, making her happy, and nothing else. She was not to get dragged into their arguing. Never.

“Alright then.” He looked at his watch. “Maybe an early supper then? I didn’t really enjoy my lunch. How about the Italian place on Main Street?” That was her favorite and she never turned down an opportunity to go there.

“I don’t know Dad. I’m not really hungry.” She bit her lip and frowned. She looked outright uncomfortable in her skin.

He was surprised to hear that. He stopped, took her shoulders and held her at arm’s length. Looking her straight in the face, squinting his eyes slightly, he said, “That’s new. You’re always hungry. And you love that place. What’s wrong, Daisy?”

She squirmed under his intent gaze. “Stop interrogating me. I’m fine.” He recognized that tone. It was the same he used when he wanted to blow of people’s concern for his well-being.

“Daisy, don’t lie to me. You’re not fine, so out with it.” His voice had a slight edge to it, concern creeping in.

“Ach, Dad. Really? It’s none of your business.” And she twisted herself free of his hands and stormed off.

Hardy’s face was drawn into a big frown. She had never blown him off like this before. He was only getting more anxious and he hurried after her. He caught up quickly. He blocked her path and grabbed her by the shoulder again. He tried to stay calm but the sight of his little girl being so upset with him, made him feel very agitated.

“Daisy, please. You know you can always talk to me.” He tried to keep his voice level and encouraging.

“Not this, Dad. I really don’t want to.” Her lips were pressed to a thin line and she crossed her arms over her chest.

He was hurt. And it probably showed on his face. She looked at him and her demeanor changed. She squirmed again, clearly extremely uncomfortable with what she was going to say.

“It’s just… I… I’m having cramps.” She didn’t look him in the eyes. Her face was burning red. She intently looked at her foot which was making circles on the floor.

“Oh.” That was all he could muster. He had no idea. In fact he didn’t even know how much his little girl apparently had already turned into a young woman. And for one second, he wished he hadn’t asked. But then, seeing her being so embarrassed, he sucked in a breath, took a step closer and drew her into a hug. She tried to wiggle herself out of it, but he held her close, his hand stroking her long her hair.

“It’s alright. I told you, you can always come to me. With anything. I mean it. Clearly, I’m not…” He tried to find the right words. “… an expert in these matters, but that doesn’t mean I can’t try and help to make things easier.” He kissed her on the head. “Your mother claims ginger tea helps. Do you wanna go to the coffee shop and see if they have some?”

Still in his arms, he could feel her nod at his chest. He smiled. Maybe he wasn’t so useless in these matters after all. He let her out of his arms, looking down at her face. She wasn’t smiling but at least, she seemed more comfortable and the moment of deep embarrassment had passed. And with his arm around her, they walked over to the coffee shop.

 


	4. CHAPTER 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks again for reading. Hope you’re still enjoying it. Picking up the pace a little this time around ;-)

* * *

 

CHAPTER 4

In the end, they went home for supper. It was dark out now and raining when they walked back to the parking lot. Hardy draped his warm coat over his shivering daughter. He was somewhat worried about Daisy as he could tell that she remained rather uncomfortable if not even in pain. He was trying to suppress his paternal instinct and didn’t pry further. He was not entirely unhappy to go home as the lack of sleep over the last few days was kicking in and he started to feel rather tired.

When he pulled up the car in the drive way, Daisy leaned over to him and kissed him on the cheek.

“Thanks for today, Dad. I miss spending time with you. I should tell CS Baxter that he works you too hard.” She grinned, pulled out her mobile and started to work on a text message. “What was his number again? Never mind, I got it” And she waved the phone in front of him.

“Daisy, you can’t do that. I’ll get in trouble.” His tone was serious. Then he saw her face which was cracking up with a stifled laugh.

_Bloody child_ , she got him again.

“Go on then.” He egged her on. “He might want to have a word with you anyways. He feels you’re responsible for not providing tea for your grumpy old Dad in the mornings. He didn’t care much for my foul mood this morning, said it’s all on you.”

She rolled her eyes. “You overslept, not my fault. Considering it’s him who makes you stay late, it’s all on him in the end.” And with another big grin, she jumped out of the car and ran inside the house.

Hardy smiled at his daughter’s rationalization of the problem. But to be truthful, it wasn’t anyone’s but his own fault. He didn’t need to stay that late to finish the paperwork. It could have been done the next morning. He had chosen to do it that night because he didn’t feel up to going home. He had been perseverating over the case that took two lives and left two young children without their parents. Usually he was able to shake off the distress that cases like this caused him by the time he got home, but not this time around.

He had been sleeping poorly due to nightmares. Tess had kicked him out of the bedroom to sleep on the couch because his restlessness had kept her awake. More than once in the past weeks, he had woken up suddenly, his heart beating way too fast from the disturbing images in his mind. Baxter had read him very accurately this morning. This case _was_ getting to him way more than usual. He was glad that it was over. Maybe he could talk to Tess about it tonight. Maybe she could help him to lose some of the tension that had built up. He didn’t used to have to ask her, but lately she seemed far less inclined to be close to him in any way. And arguing over the wedding hadn’t made things better.

He realized he was still sitting in the car, the rain drumming on the windshield. He rubbed his face and took in a deep breath. He braced himself to go inside and face Tess. He had not forgotten how miserable he felt earlier in the day after she had hung up the phone on him. He just hoped that Daisy’s enthusiasm over her new dress would help to ease the tension. He slowly walked inside, his shoulders weighed down by the feeling of dread.

 

* * *

 

To Hardy’s surprise, supper was rather uneventful. Daisy chatted away about her adventures in the shopping center and how much she loved the dress. He noted that she didn’t eat much and he could feel himself worry again. She very convincingly told the story of the big black truck bumping into the car and then, before they could get the license plate number, drove away in the dark and rainy night. Hardy studied his rice and chicken intently while she was talking. She didn’t let on for even one second that this was a complete fabrication of truth. Tess was appropriately upset, but at least she didn’t yell at him.

While he did the dishes, he watched them sit at the kitchen table. The warm light of the overhead lamp made their faces look soft and lovely. Their heads were stuck together and whatever they were talking about required their full attention. Now and then, they took a quick look at him. Tess must have said something funny and Daisy’s clear laughter rang through the house. Then Daisy got up and said good night. Before she went upstairs, she blew him a kiss. He caught it with his hand.

“Don’t lose it Dad. It’s for your kissing hand. So that you always have a kiss from me.” She gave him another of those gorgeous smiles and bounced up the stairs.

Hardy’s gaze lingered on her. He only noticed Tess coming over when she leaned against him, giving him a playful nudge in the side.

“You did well today… with her I mean. She told me about what you said to her, about the mean girls.” Tess smiled at him but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Why did you not tell me about… you know, that she’s…” He could feel himself blush with his own awkwardness.

“That she’s becoming a woman?” She gave him a sideways glance. “Because you’d be all weird about it, just like now. You’re not ready for this, Alec. You’re not ready for her not to be your little girl anymore.”

He nodded, he knew she was right. He didn’t say anything for a while. She was still leaning against him and he hoped she might hug him. He suddenly realized how much he missed physical contact with her lately, how much he just wanted to be held and regain the feeling that everything was alright. His hands were clenching the dish towel and he was fighting to hold back tears.

“I don’t want to fight anymore, Tess. You’re not coming, fine. I guess I’ll have to accept that. I do want you to know though that I _want_ you to come with me, I _want_ to do this as a family.” He flapped the dish towel over his shoulder and grabbed Tess by her arms, turning her towards him. He lost himself for a moment in those water blue eyes of hers.

“I miss you. I miss spending time with you and Daisy.” He was breathing hard, trying not to lose control over himself.

“How about not making work your priority then, Alec. If you miss us so much, why not be around more? You’re not even present when you’re here. I know how you get with a case, but lately… I don’t know it’s been different. You seem so…” She hesitated. Maybe it was because she didn’t know what to say, maybe she just wanted to be vague. Whatever it was, he didn’t wait for her to finish.

“It got to me, Tess. The case. More than usual. I’m having a hard time…” He struggled with the words and the emotion alike. “I’m having a hard time detaching myself. I can’t leave it at work, it follows me home.” His voice broke and he couldn’t go on anymore. He was never one for admitting his feelings easily and this was very unknown territory for him. He was staring at the floor, shaking, catching his breath.

“Alec…” Her voice was soft. “Look at me.” And she lifted his chin with her hand. His vision was blurry with tears. “Let it go.” And finally she wrapped her arms around him, holding him until his tears had stopped.

They sat at the kitchen table until way after midnight. She was holding his hand and he told her about his futile struggle of trying to keep his emotions at bay. He told her about the nightmares and he could see in her face that she felt bad for kicking him out of the bedroom. He told her, how he kept obsessing over the fact that the dead woman could have been Tess. He told her, how afraid he was of having to deal with a child murder case. But, in the end he did not tell her, how much it hurt him that she didn’t want to come to the wedding with him.

 

* * *

 

That night, Hardy didn’t have any nightmares. He felt more rested and calm than he had in a while. Telling Tess about how the case was affecting him had helped. After a steamy shower, he wiped the mirror and looked at his reflection. His cheeks were gaunter, his face thinner than he remembered. There was a weariness in his eyes that stared uncomfortably back at him. He looked older, or maybe he just felt older, it was hard to say. With a sigh he grabbed the razor and started to shave. At least one thing in his life he had control over. He promptly cut himself at the chin and cursed loudly.

He heard a knock at the door.

“Dad, you’re alright in there?”

_Fantastic_. Great start to the day.

He could feel the calmness he had earlier vanishing into thin air. Trying not to let on about his exasperation, he answered. “ ‘M fine. Just cut myself shaving. Be right down.” He finished the job, all enthusiasm lost, and got dressed quickly.

Daisy was waiting for him with a hot mug of tea, the special mug she had made for his birthday when she was in first grade. She sat down at the kitchen table in front of her breakfast. She didn’t touch it though. She looked tired and pale around the nose. He frowned. Something was definitely wrong with her.

“Not hungry again this morning?” He tried to make his question sound innocent, but he couldn’t hide the concern completely.

Wordlessly, she shook her head. He walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. She felt hot to his touch. Without hesitation he put his palm on her forehead. She was burning up. He tried not to panic. Tess had left early this morning to go to the gym before work. She usually took care of Daisy when she was sick. He felt woefully inept for this task. He took in a deep breath, calming his quickly rising heart rate. He could feel a knot of worry form in his stomach.

“Daisy, what’s bothering you? Talk to me.” His voice was sharper than he intended to. He pressed his lips together. Daisy was shivering now.

“I don’t know, Dad. I thought it was cramps, but it really, really hurts now and it’s not going away.” She looked at him scared. She was holding her right side.

He had a bad feeling about this. Daisy wasn’t a complainer, so for her to admit that she was in a lot of pain was rather alarming. She suddenly got up from the chair and ran to the bathroom. He followed her immediately. She was vomiting forcefully, and all he could do was to hold back her long hair. After she emptied her stomach, she leaned weakly against the wall. She was pale and sweat was pooling on her forehead. Her whole body was shaking. She clutched her belly and groaned.

“Jesus, Daisy. I’m going to take you to the hospital. Do you think you can walk to the car?” Despite the utter panic that was washing through him, he was able to sound calm and composed.

She nodded and mumbled, “I think so. If you help me.” And she looked at him with fearful and pleading eyes.

“Of course darlin’. Let me grab my things and get your coat. Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

When he came back, she was throwing up again. She looked so weak. When he helped her up, she was very unsteady on her feet and clearly in too much pain to walk. He had no choice but to scoop her up and carry her to the car. When they got there he felt extremely light-headed and there was a tugging in his chest that was making him feel very uneasy. His heart felt like it was beating too fast and he had to take a moment to catch his breath after he put Daisy in the car.

_Great Hardy, way to go_.

Perfect timing to have a panic attack. He took in a few more deep breaths and felt better. He draped a blanket over his shivering daughter. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing heavily with the pain.

He got in the car and tried to calm himself. He needed to focus on driving, focus on getting them safely to the hospital. By the time they reached the entrance for A&E at South Mercia University Hospital, he had no idea how he made it there without crashing the car. He was talking to Daisy the whole time, trying to sooth her and assure her everything would be fine. At some point she stopped responding and the only reassurance he had that she wasn’t unconscious was her soft moaning with the pain.

He was never as grateful as then to see an angry security guard walking towards him after he had pulled up on the ambulance ramp.

“Oi, you can’t be here. Ambulance only.” The guard gestured at the sign that stated the same fact. Hardy didn’t care. All he cared about was to get his daughter into the hands of someone who could help her.

He hurried around the car, opened the door and shouted at the guard to get help. The guard finally grasped the urgency of his plight when Hardy dragged Daisy out of the car. The girl was hanging limp in his arms and looked white as a ghost. Somebody wheeled over a gurney and Hardy placed her carefully on it.

She moaned and opened her eyes, gaze darting around in confusion. Her voice was barely audible. “Dad? What’s happening?” He took her hand, while they wheeled her inside.

“I’m here darlin’. We’re at the hospital. Everything will be alright, they will take care of you.” He mustered all his will power to sound confident and reassuring. “I love you, darlin’.” He squeezed her hand tightly.

As soon as they got inside A&E, organized chaos broke lose. Doctors, nurses and who knows what other hospital team members started to work on Daisy. They hooked her up to monitors, placed IVs in her hands and hooked those up to large bags with IV fluids. Someone came to ask him about what happened, how long she’d been ill. He didn’t really know. Definitely since the day before, but then she had thought it was cramps, so maybe she’d been sick longer. Did she have any health problems? No, she’s a healthy child. Any allergies? No. Every any surgeries? No. And the questions just kept coming. His head started to spin and he felt faint.

He held on to the IV pole next to her bed. His breathing was somewhat rugged. He interrupted the incessant questions that the doctor was asking him. “I don’t feel so well. I think I need to sit down.”

The young female doctor looked at him worried and nodded. She led him over to the stretcher next to Daisy.

“Sit. We’ll bring you some water. Do you have any health problems?”

She sounded friendly and concerned. He shook his head, trying to catch his breath. She handed him a cup of water and he drank some. He watched the busy flurry of people around his daughter’s bedside.

When he finally could speak, his voice was shaky. “What’s wrong with her? Please tell me she’s going to be alright?”

“We think she might have ruptured her appendix and developed peritonitis. That’s an infection inside her abdomen. This can be a life-threatening situation.” His eyes were wide with fear.

“What do you mean – life-threatening? She’s going to be alright, isn’t she?”

He didn’t quite comprehend what she was trying to explain to him. All he could hear in his mind was the echo of the word ‘life-threatening’. He stopped paying attention to what the doctor was saying. He needed to call Tess. He searched his pockets for his mobile and realized he had left it at home.

_Bollocks._

And of course he totally blanked on her number, a number that he never dialed as it was programmed into the phone. What was he going to do?

_Think, Hardy, think_. He bit his lip.

“Would you mind calling the South Mercia Police Constabulary?” The doctor gave him a puzzled look. He hurried to explain.

“Her mother, my wife, she’s a detective sergeant there. I forgot my phone at home and don’t remember the number. Please. Can you just call and have her come here. Daisy needs her.” _He_ needed her. He couldn’t do this alone.

The doctor nodded. “What’s her name?”

He gave her Tess’ name and office number.

“Are you going to be alright here? I’m going to make that phone call.” He nodded and she left him behind.

He got up slowly, not quite trusting himself, and stepped over to Daisy’s side. The flurry of activities had slowed down and there was only one nurse now checking her vital signs, adjusting some IV drips. Daisy’s eyes were closed, they had told him she had gotten some pain medication that would make her sleepy. She was so still and pale. He was taken back many years ago when she was a baby, and he used to check on her in the middle of the night, fearful she had stopped breathing. A sudden realization hit him with full force.

The monitors alarmed the same moment he started screaming at the nurse, “She’s not breathing. Do something!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry, I couldn’t resist the cliff hanger… it’s just too tempting. Hope it’s not too melodramatic. I specifically apologize to Hazel… thanks for sticking with me after giving you such a fright :-)


	5. CHAPTER 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you everyone for reading. I apologize for any distress that I might have caused with last chapters ending. Hope the wait wasn’t too long. Things are still rocky for Alec and Daisy. Thanks for sticking around and being supportive.

* * *

**CHAPTER 5**

The code alarm was ringing in his ears. While he was still shouting at the nurse, she already had placed a breathing mask over Daisy’s face, squeezing the attached ambu bag to breath for her. More people responded to the alarm and pushed Hardy farther and farther away from Daisy’s bedside. It seemed that half the hospital assembled around her. He could only watch from afar, horrified and scared witless, not knowing what was happening. His hands were shaking and he felt he couldn’t catch his breath. When they shoved a breathing tube down Daisy’s throat, he tried to shout at them, but his voice had left him and all he could manage was a silent ‘No’. His vision was blurry and he felt his legs give out under him.

Strong hands steadied him. A male A&E nurse led him to a nearby stretcher and laid him down. The young doctor who had spoken to him before was right behind the nurse.

“Mr. Hardy? Can you hear me? Don’t talk, just nod.”

He tried to focus on her calm voice and nodded. She took his wrist and he thought she was feeling his pulse. Only then he realized his heart was beating fast and not regularly at all.

“Good. Do you have a heart problem?” She was still feeling his pulse, he was sure about that now. The nurse opened his shirt. He had no energy to protest. Trying to breath was all he could focus on.

The doctor repeated her question. “Do you have a heart condition? Nod or shake your head.”

He couldn’t talk, so he shook his head. The nurse put monitor stickers on his chest, slapped a blood pressure cuff on his arm, and placed an oxygen cannula in his nose.

Breathlessly he managed to ask, “My daughter… what’s happening?” He tried to sit up, but she gently held him down.

“She stopped breathing and we had to place a breathing tube in her throat. She’s hooked up to a ventilator now that breaths for her.“ The doctor’s voice was matter of fact but kind. Her hand still rested on his shoulder and the human touch was soothing.

He desperately needed to calm down, but the fear of losing his child was burning inside his mind and he couldn’t think of anything else. He tried to remember what they had taught them about dealing with people who had a panic attack. He focused on breathing in and out slowly and eventually his heart beat slowed down.

He tried to talk again and this time it was easier. “Did you call her mother?”

The doctor nodded. “Yes. She is on her way. Mr. Hardy, did you ever have symptoms like this before?”

He ignored her question. “Can I see Daisy?” And when he saw the doctor’s skeptical face, he added, “Please?” He sounded rather desperate, but not anywhere close to how desperate he actually felt.

She tilted her head slightly and seemed to ponder the options, frowning at him. “Fine. Your heart rate has normalized. But I strongly advise you to seek further medical care about this issue.”

He wasn’t really listening to her. He was busy pulling off the monitor leads and the blood pressure cuff and putting his shirt back on. He plucked the oxygen cannula out of his nose. And when he was climbing to his feet, she put her hand on his arm in an effort to make him hear what she had to say.

“I’m serious about this, Mr. Hardy. I know your head is somewhere else right now, but this was not just a panic attack. You need to see someone about this. And rather sooner than later.”

He paid no attention to her, Daisy wasn’t where she had been before. Instant panic was washing through him again.

“Where is she?” His voice was sharp with concern.

“They moved her to the pediatric intensive care unit. I’ll walk you there.”

And with that, she led the way through the hospital. He followed her, and with every step the reality of the events sunk in more. He still wasn’t ready for what awaited him in the pediatric ICU.

Daisy looked small in the big hospital bed. Her thin body was covered with a sheet and she was wearing a children’s hospital gown. Absentmindedly he noticed the little monkeys and zebras on it. She was hooked up to monitors and blinking IV pumps. The ventilator was drawing his gaze and he could feel tears welling up. She wasn’t moving and her face looked grey, all color gone.

He cupped his mouth with his hand, but he couldn’t stop the sob from escaping his chest.

His voice was breaking up, but he managed to ask the doctor, if he could touch her. As a response, she pulled a chair close to the bed and beckoned him to sit down.

“Of course you can touch her. Just be careful with the IVs on her hands. I’m going to find the ICU consultant so he can tell you more about what’s going on. You’ll be alright, then?"

He nodded in silence. He sniffed and whispered a breathless ‘Thank you’.

She squeezed his shoulder and said warmly, “You’re very welcome. Remember to take care of yourself.” Once she was gone, he realized, he didn’t even know her name

He carefully took Daisy’s hand in his. It was cold. He held it gently between his palms, pulled the hand to his face and placed a kiss on it. Then he placed it against his cheek, letting his head rest against it. Tears were flowing down his cheeks, wetting her bed and IV dressing. And that’s how Tess found him when she finally made it to the hospital.

 

* * *

 

Tess put her hand on his shoulder. He startled and looked at her. She was crying, just like he had. His eyes were puffy and red. He could feel a headache coming on. Without letting go of Daisy's, he took Tess' hand in his. It was clammy. She squeezed it briefly before letting go and moving closer to their daughter. She gently touched her leg. Then she turned around, questions written all over her face.

"What happened, Alec?" Her voice was quiet and composed, but he knew her well enough to hear the underlying edge.

"She stopped breathing. They had to put a breathing tube and..." He broke up.

"But why? She was fine this morning." She sounded shrill. Her composure was quickly crumbling.

"No she wasn't. I think she hadn't been feeling well since at least yesterday. I should have put two and two together and not just taken her explanation as face value." He felt extreme guilty for not picking up on the clues of Daisy not doing well.

Tess was reading his mind. "Alec, it's not your fault. Stop it."

"How are you so sure about that?" He snapped at her and was immediately sorry he had done so.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Bloody hell, Alec. Really, you need to let go right this moment."

" 'M sorry. Didn't mean to lash out. You're right." He sucked in a breath.

"They think her appendix ruptured and she has..." He tried to recall what the doctor had told him. "Something like ' _perinitits'_. An infection in her abdomen."

And very quietly, he shared the last bit of information he had. "They said it could be life-threatening."

Tess didn't say anything. She was rubbing Daisy's other palm with her thumb.

He chewed on his lip. "I'm waiting for the ICU doctor to get more information."

She just nodded and they sat in silence surrounded only by the swishing rhythmic sound of the ventilator and the ticking noise of the IV pumps.

 

* * *

 

Hardy had lost track of time. His body and mind were exhausted. There was a faint ache in his chest and a stabbing pain between his shoulder blades where his muscles were all knotted up. He couldn’t quite recall what the doctor had tried to tell him when he was having the panic attack. The only thing he did remembered was her concerned face. He idly thought that maybe he should talk to her again. Later, when this was over. Now, his focus was on Daisy, everything else could wait.

He looked at Tess. She had stopped crying, just like he had. Her eyes were glazed over and she stared into space. She was holding Daisy’s hand. He stiffly got up and walked around the bed to her. He stooped down next to her chair and put his hand on her knee. She jumped ever so slightly and turned her head to him.

“We’ll get through this, Tess. Together. Daisy is a strong girl. She’ll be fine.” He was trying to convince himself just as much as he was trying to convince her.

Before she could say anything, the ICU doctor came into the room. Hardy stood up, his tall and tense figure a shadow against the grey light filtering in through the window.

“Mrs. and Mr. Hardy, I presume?” They both nodded in acknowledgment. “My name is Dr. Stevens. I’m the ICU consultant taking care of your daughter Daisy. I would like to give you an update of what’s been going on with your daughter. Would you like to stay in the room or go somewhere else?”

They both spoke at the same time. Tess wanted to go somewhere else and Hardy wanted to stay. He deferred to her wishes and they walked over to the family room, a room they soon would become all too familiar with.

The doctor gestured to the small sofa and made them sit down. He took a chair opposite of them.

“Before I start explaining, I would like to know what you understand so far, so that we are all on the same page.” Dr. Stevens face was open and encouraging, with a small smile on his lips.

Hardy cleared his voice and reluctantly he repeated the few facts he knew. He couldn’t bring himself to say that the other doctor had told him it could be life-threatening.

“Good. Let me give you some more information and then I have a few questions as well. Daisy has peritonitis as a result of a perforated appendix.” Reading the questions on their face, the doctor quickly continued. “I’ll explain that in a moment, I just need to know from you first how long do you think she might have been ill.” He looked at Tess and then at Hardy.

Tess started talking, her voice just as rough as Hardy’s. “She had been complaining about belly pain for maybe two or three days. She and I thought it was because she was having her period.”

Hardy cringed at the word. It was an involuntary reaction and he didn’t even notice it. He added to Tess answer, “She didn’t want to eat last night, no appetite. That’s not her at all. She’s always hungry. And then this morning she said she was in a lot of pain and then she just started to throw up.” He pinched his nose and rubbed his eyes. “By the time I got her to the hospital, she was barely responsive.”

The memory of dragging her limp body out of the car made him shiver. Tess put her hand on his knee, rubbing it slowly, sensing his distress.

“Thank you. That makes sense.” It didn’t make sense to Hardy, but if the doctor said so. He was trying not get impatient. His hands were balled into fists.

“I’m going to start with the basics. Please interrupt me if you have questions. Daisy’s condition started with appendicitis. In and itself this is rather harmless these days, however in Daisy’s case it’s not. She got ill really fast and her appendix perforated. In case you don’t know, the appendix is a little redundant piece of bowel in her abdomen. So, when it perforated, meaning it got so inflamed and infected that it burst, all the puss and stool spilled into her belly. And this is what’s making her so ill. The lining of the inside of her abdomen is infected, it’s called peritonitis. Do you have any questions so far?” Dr. Stevens stopped and looked at each of them for signs of understanding.

Hardy was trying to follow, but it was _so_ confusing. And all he could think of was the moment when she stopped breathing. It was hard to process any information past that shear moment of panic.

His voice thick with his Scottish accent, he asked, “Why’d she stop breathing?”

He could feel Tess tense up next to him. Their hands found each other, holding on tight. She was crying again. The doctor reached into a drawer and pulled out a box of tissues. He handed it to Tess.

“Here. I’m really sorry, I’m not in your shoes, but this must be so hard for you.”

Hardy could tell that he was trying to be there with them and it made him feel more confident that this doctor cared about Daisy, that she wasn’t just another case for him.

“To answer your question why she stopped breathing… the infection has taken hold of her body, it spread into her blood stream. She has what we call overwhelming sepsis and resulting shock. That’s the reason why she stopped breathing and why she is so ill overall.”

Hardy’s heart sank. He had never been as scared in his life as he had now. His thoughts were racing, but he couldn’t formulate any questions besides the one that was burning through his mind.

Very quietly, he asked the question that no parent should ever have to ask. “Is she going to make it?”

Tess twitched and her hand squeezed his so tightly, that it was painful.

The doctor shifted in his seat. He leaned forward and looked them straight in the eyes. “I want to be honest with you. She is critically ill, her blood pressure is very low and as you know we need to support her breathing. But the reassuring news is, that she is responding to the treatments we are giving her. Her blood pressure is improving with the medications. She’s receiving strong antibiotics to fight the infection. We are also giving her medications for pain and to sedate her, to make her more comfortable. That’s why she’s sleeping.”

Dr. Stevens paused to give them an opportunity to ask questions.

Tess finally found her voice. “So, that’s good then, right? She’s going to be alright.”

She sounded so hopeful and Hardy tried to latch on to that hope, to drown out the sense of dread that was taking a firm hold over him.

The doctor nodded. “She’s a strong girl and she’s already getting a little better. However, she is not out of the woods yet. We have been talking to the surgeons as well. She might need surgery at some point. The next couple of days will tell us more which direction things will go. If you don’t have any more questions right now, I’ll take you back to her room, so you can spend some time with her.”

Tess entered the room first. Hardy had to take a moment to brace himself. He took a in a few deep breaths. He hadn’t noticed that Dr. Stevens was still there until he spoke.

“Mr. Hardy, Dr. Abbott told me what happened earlier in A&E. Just a word of advice, you can’t take care of Daisy, if you don’t take care of yourself.”

Hardy frowned. He’s had a panic attack, but it passed. “I appreciate your concern, but right now I need to be with my daughter. Nothing else matters.”

The doctor gave him a look with slightly squinted eyes, but didn’t say anything else. He nodded a good bye when Hardy entered the room

Tess was sitting in the chair that he had been in earlier. He walked around the bed, sat down on the other chair and took Daisy’s hand again. Now, there was nothing but waiting.


	6. CHAPTER  6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks again for all the love and encouragement. This chapter is a little shorter but hopefully won’t disappoint. ;-)

* * *

**CHAPTER 6**

They met Daisy's nurse and the house officer taking care of her. The surgical team came by as well, talking to them about possible complications. Too many names, too many faces and too many words to remember. Hardy was feeling trapped. The urge to just leave was growing in him, but he knew he wouldn't be able to part from Daisy.

They didn't talk, each of them caught up in their own personal hell of emotions and racing thoughts. Hardy wished he could find the right words. He finally settled on the pragmatic approach.

"Have you eaten anything today?" Not that he had and it was almost evening now.

She shook her head. "Not since breakfast. Have you?"

He didn't need to answer.

"Do you want me to get something?" She moved on her chair.

"I don't think we are allowed to eat in here."

They were silent for a few minutes, neither one of them wanting to acknowledge that they couldn't stay with Daisy all the time.

Hardy changed the topic. "I never told work. Could I use your phone to call Baxter. I forgot mine at home.” He stood up to get the phone from her.

She was quick to reply, “I can call him for you.”

“No. I’d rather do it myself. Wanna talk to him about taking some days off.” He dragged his hands down his face and let out a deep breath. She seemed reluctant to give him the phone.

“Come on Tess. Give me the phone, I need to talk to him.” His temper was rising.

With an annoyed face, she took out her phone and unlocked it. She quickly looked at a text and deleted it. She scrolled through her contacts and found the right number. Then she finally handed it to him. If he hadn’t been so distracted, the odd trepidation in her face might have registered with him and raised suspicion. But all he could think about was his baby girl lying in the hospital without him being able to do _anything_ to make her whole again. The feeling of being helpless was threatening to drown him.

With a “Be right back” he stepped into the hallway, trying to figure out where to make the phone call. A nurse showed him to the same room again where they had talked to the doctor.

Baxter picked up promptly. Without greeting he immediately asked the question that Hardy dreaded.

“Tess, how is Daisy?”

“‘S not Tess. It’s me, Hardy. Forgot my phone at home when I took Daisy to the hospital.”

“Ah. That explains that then. We’ve been trying to get a hold of you. Didn’t know if you heard about Daisy when the hospital called for Tess.” And after brief pause he repeated his question. “How is she then, Daisy, I mean?”

Hardy chocked on a sob. He had been pacing through the small room, but he suddenly felt all strength leave him and he plopped down on the small sofa. His elbows rested on his knees, his head hanging down, phone pressed to the ear with one hand, rubbing the back of his head with the other. He was trying to calm down and find his voice.

“It’s alright, _Alec_. Take your time.”

Out of habit, he weakly protested, “Don’t call me Alec. You know, I don’t like it.”

The brief moment of normalcy was enough to anchor him and with a deep breath he was finally able to talk.

“She’s got appendicitis. But it’s bad. She ruptured the appendix and got an infection in her abdomen.” He took in a deep breath before continuing. Baxter was quiet on the other end.

“They said, the infection spread to her blood and that’s what making her so ill. She…” He barely could go on. “She stopped breathing. I watched them putting a breathing tube in her throat.”

“God, I’m sorry. That sounds awful. But she’ll be alright, ya?” Hardy didn’t answer.

There was a long pause and when Baxter spoke again, the concern was audible in his voice. “Hardy, listen to me, don’t even think about it. She needs you to be strong for her right now. As cliché as that sounds, you need to focus on the positive things, even if they are tiny. When Emma was so ill with the chemo and all, I lost myself in the horror of not being able to do anything to help until I realized that the _one_ thing I _could_ do was to be strong for her and not give in to the negativity.”

Hardy still didn’t say anything. But he was listening, taking his friend’s advice in, trying to make sense of it.

Baxter sighed. “I know you. You’re probably sitting there right now, obsessing over feeling guilty that you didn’t see it coming, that it’s somehow your fault. It ain’t. It’s as simple as that. Shitty things just happen, for no good reason. And then you deal with it, don’t let it win.”

And when Hardy, still didn’t reply, Baxter almost yelled at him. “For fuck’s sake, Hardy. Talk to me. Or do I have to come over there and slap you in the face.”

Hardy swallowed, and finally managed to speak. “Right. Focus on the small things.”

He leaned back on the sofa and closed his eyes. Trying to follow his friend’s advice he told Baxter what the doctor had told them about Daisy responding to the treatment. They spoke for a while and it helped Hardy to regain some composure. He was relieved to learn that he and Tess would be able to take off as much time as they needed.

“Before we get off, one more thing Hardy. You have to take care of yourself. You’re the kind who wouldn’t. I learned that the hard way with Emma. Passed out in the hospital once because I hadn’t eaten all day and not slept in several days. Scared the poor girl shitless. _That_ was something to feel guilty about. So, don’t do that to yourself and Daisy.” Baxter’s voice was stern.

Before he could stop himself, Hardy said, “I already did.”

“What do you mean? Take care of yourself? That would be surprising” Baxter sounded confused.

_Bloody hell_ , Hardy cursed his lose tongue. He knew Baxter wouldn’t let that go.

“I had a panic attack.” He mumbled in the phone.

“You had what? Would you care to repeat that in English, you stubborn Scott.”

Louder, Hardy repeated, “I had a panic attack, when they put the breathing tube into Daisy. I nearly passed out. They put oxygen on me and stuff.”

Baxter sucked in a breath. “I see. You alright now? Nothing else the matter?”

“‘M fine, well relatively speaking.” The pleading voice of the young female doctor came back to Hardy –‘This was not just a panic attack’– but he didn’t want to think about it. Instead he said, “And no, nothing else the matter.”

“Alright then. Promise to eat something and get some rest. Keep me posted.”

“I promise. I’ll call you if things change.” He hung up the phone. Absentmindedly he noted that there were three new text messages for Tess, and he briefly wondered who it could be.

 

* * *

 

They decided that they should take turns in staying with Daisy overnight. Tess convinced Hardy he needed to get his phone, so he went home first. The drive in the night soothed him somewhat as it always did. When he reached the dark and silent house, it hit him how empty it was with no one there. He very rarely came home to an empty house. He quickly pushed the thought away and busied himself getting ready to go back to the hospital again.

They had agreed he would come back around 1 am so that Tess could go home. He had insisted on her going home, as he knew that she might be able to sleep, whereas there would be no sleep for him, regardless where he was.

He found his phone, plugged in the charger and took a quick shower. He forced himself to eat some left overs and had some tea. He then went into Daisy’s room and embarked on a search. Where had she put it? He finally found the worn purple unicorn in a box in her closet. It used to be her favorite stuffed animal when she was little. It accompanied her everywhere she went and it probably had collected every tear she had ever cried. He clutched it to his chest and buried his face in it. It smelled like Daisy. And yet again, the unicorn welcomed all the tears that were shed into its fluffy purple hair, offering comfort to an aching soul.

 

* * *

 

Hardy spent the night at Daisy’s bedside, holding her hand. The unicorn was watching them from the foot of the bed. They had brought in a pull out chair, but he couldn’t reach her from it, so he didn’t use it. Eventually he slumped over and dozed off on her bed until the rounding surgical team woke him up in the wee hours of the morning.

They seemed to be happy with Daisy’s progress and left Hardy almost with an optimistic feeling. The nurse came in and let him know that there was a breakfast cart coming through the family room in the mornings. He wasn’t hungry, but he really craved a cup of tea. Daisy was still out from the sedation. He looked at her, her color had somewhat returned to her cheeks. He kissed her on the forehead, gave her hand a squeeze and went for some tea. She would have wanted him to.

He met a few other parents, their faces just as haggard as his own. Some had puffy red eyes. Nobody really talked but there was something oddly comforting in the shared silence, an understanding of a shared worry and pain. He forced himself to nibble on a scone with his tea. H

He took out his phone to text Tess: **Daisy looks better this morning. Surgeons are happy with progress.**

The response was prompt: **Oh, so glad to hear that. I should be there in a bit.**

He typed in his answer: **Great. See you then. Love you.**

And in an afterthought he added: **Can you bring me a sweater. Got cold here overnight.**

Her reply was fast: **Sorry, can** **’** **t. I** **’** **m not at home.**

He frowned. Where would she be if not at home?

And with brief pause the explanation followed: **Anymore I mean. Left already.**

Content with the answer, he put the phone in his trouser pockets and went back to the room resuming the vigil at Daisy’s side.

He must have dozed off again, when the monitor alarm woke him up suddenly. He jerked awake and let out a stifled moan. His heart stuttered and did not find its steady rhythm. Instead there was a growing empty feeling in his chest, a feeling of fluttering where a steady beat should have been. Panic was flooding his mind. The room was spinning and turning into a blurry chaos of people running in and out of his narrowing field of vision. He gasped for air. He was losing the struggle. The pain in his chest was excruciating, taking his last breath away, not leaving room for anything else until there was only the black closing in on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And yes, I do apologize for the end of this chapter… no will power to resist the cliff hanger temptation. I promise to update soon. And for those who need their own pacemaker now, remember the picture that “my” Alec carries in his wallet ;-)


	7. CHAPTER 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope the wait for the update wasn’t too long. Thank you to all of you who are reading and commenting. This is another short chapter. Full disclosure – I don’t really like Tess (in case you haven’t noticed yet).

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 7**

The first thing Hardy became aware of was the clean smell of a spring morning – Tess. His mind drifted off to lying in the grass of a spring meadow with her nestled into his side. She was trying out his name after he had told her he didn’t like it very much.

“Alec.” Again more insistently this time. “Alec!” And then she added, “Wake up!”

This wasn’t part of his memory. Confused, he tried to fight his way back to consciousness. A burning pain in his chest hit him with full force and he groaned. He blinked in the blinding light above him. Finally, he was able to focus on Tess’ face.

He tried to speak, but his mouth was too dry. With a big effort, he croaked, “What happened?”

“You nearly died on me.” Her voice was trembling.

He was still too confused to be able to tell, if she was mad or worried. Maybe a bit of both. He tried to move in the bed, but the pain in his chest took away his breath. Sucking in air, he realized there was an oxygen cannula in his nose. He looked around more and found himself in a hospital bed, wearing a gown and hooked up to all kinds of equipment.

Tess was definitely mad, judging from her next outburst. "How dare you leave me alone right now?"

With that everything came back to him - Daisy, the monitor alarming, the empty feeling in his chest, not being able to breath and the black closing in. He was panting and his heart started to beat faster. The monitor went off and with almost no delay a nurse came in the room.

"Mr. Hardy, please take a deep breath and try to calm down. Your heart rate is going up again." The nurse scrutinized a rhythm strip that was spilling out from the monitor and frowned at it. She adjusted one of the IV pumps. "I'd better get your doctor."

And with a glance at Tess she added, "Please try not to upset him.

He needed to know about Daisy. His eyes were closed. He tried to catch his breath, anxiety rising. Tess sat down next to him, perched on the bed. She took his hand and gently drew circles in his palm, very much like she had done with Daisy. It soothed him enough to be able to talk.

"What happened with Daisy? The monitor was going off when I..." His voice trailed off. He tried to raise his hand to rub the bridge of his nose, but the sharp pinch of the IV stopped him. He let out an exasperated huff. He was so confused. His memory was playing tricks on him and the feeling of being pulled into the dark was all encompassing.

Tess read his face right and her voice was the same she used with Daisy when she was having a nightmare.

"Hush, Alec. Please, you need to calm down. They said there's something wrong with your heart beat, most likely because of the stress about Daisy."

He pressed his lips together. The words of the young doctor rang through his mind again - 'This is not just a panic attack.'

"Daisy... who's with Daisy?" He was so breathless and increasingly dizzy. He barely could add, "The monitors went off. Is she alright?"

Tess let go of his hand and rubbed them together. It was a nervous gesture that he knew all too well. It made him feel even more anxious.

"Why... aren't ... you... with her?" He had to catch his breath between each word.

She blurted out, "Because she's in surgery. And you once again showed your sense for impeccable timing to pick this moment to try and die on me."

Hardy was too worn out to absorb the hostility of the statement. It hit him hard and it hurt, just as much as his chest did. He tried to say something in his defense but didn't have the breath to do so. He opened his mouth, but could only gasp for some air. He closed his eyes, all energy needed to breathe. He felt someone put an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth and it eased the feeling of suffocating.

Then he heard the voice of the young female doctor. She was speaking to Tess.

"No offense, Mrs. Hardy, but this is not the time. I know this is an impossibly distressing situation and whatever it is between the two of you is clearly none of my business. But he's my patient and he really can't take this right now. So, maybe you would rather wait for your daughter to come back from surgery in the pediatric ICU family room? I'll keep you updated about your husband."

Tess sounded cold. "Fine. I'll go be with my daughter. And you're right, it _is_ none of your business." And she left without another word to him.

He was too dazed to fully process what the doctor had said but he felt relieved that he didn't have to explain himself to Tess. After a few minutes, breathing became easier and his thinking started to clear up. He tried to sit up, he needed to get back to Daisy. The sharp pain in his chest made him fall back, and he let out a hiss.

"You might want to go easy with that."

The doctor's kind voice floated through space. His disorientation was unsettling and he tried to focus. He searched the room where the voice was coming from. She was standing at the monitor, reviewing something. She looked at him over her shoulder and gave him a quick smile.

He sounded too Scottish even for his own ear, when he growled with a rough voice, "Care to explain, what happened?"

"You have a cracked rib. From the chest compressions. You passed out when your heart gave out and we had to shock you, twice, before we got you back."

His mouth gaped open in disbelief. "What do you mean, my 'heart gave out'?" His forehead was drawn into a deep furrow. There was no comprehension.

The doctor pulled a chair to his bed, sat down and studied him for a moment.

"Let me ask you a couple of questions. Have you been feeling light-headed or dizzy lately?"

He nodded, still frowning, not understanding what that had to do with anything.

"How about shortness of breath?"

He was defensive. "I'm a tad out of shape."

"Hm, I see. What about your heart beating too fast? Especially when getting startled?"

He thought back on all those instances he had woken up with nightmares lately. A feeling of unease was creeping in.

"How do you know?" Impatiently, he added, "What does that have to do with what happened?"

"Mr. Hardy, your heart went into cardiac arrest due to something called ventricular fibrillation. Basically it stopped beating properly and not pumping blood like it should. If you had not been in the hospital you might have died." She held his gaze, taking in his eyes, now all wide with shock and fear.

He opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't. His thoughts were blank until the growing panic engulfed everything. His free hand was balled into a fist, grasping the sheet tightly. He didn't trust his voice, so he merely nodded. Besides, he really didn't know what to say. He felt like everything was falling apart around him. A couple days ago he was shopping with Daisy for a wedding which now neither one of them might be able to go to.

Eventually, he realized she hadn't really explained what was actually wrong with his heart, so he asked.

"We don't know yet what the exact underlying problem is, what triggered the attack. There are many reasons, some are more temporary like electrolyte abnormalities, and some are due to underlying heart disease. From what I've seen and heard from you, I'm inclined to think there might be more to this than just a temporary problem. We’ll have to run some more tests.”

He struggled to process the information. He started to talk, but stopped immediately no proper words forming in his mind. It was all emotion and no reason. He finally found something to focus on.

“What about Daisy? I need to see my daughter.” And remembering something Tess had thrown at him, he added, “Tess said something about surgery?” He felt the urge to get up again, but quickly gave up all attempts when the pain and dizziness were overwhelming.

The doctor sighed. “I really shouldn’t but, I’ll tell you, because honestly I don’t know what will agitate you more, knowing or not. She was rushed to operating theater. When you got woken up by the monitor alarm this morning, it was because her blood pressure was dropping. The surgeons decided that they couldn’t wait it out and needed to clean out her abdomen in order to get control over the infection. As far as I know, it went well. She should be back in the ICU by now.”

And with a raised eye brow she added, “It was quite a scene in that room. The pediatric ICU team rushing around to attend to Daisy and then the adult code team doing chest compressions on you.”

She was surprisingly sarcastic about it. “Would have made a good movie scene.” She smiled at him and for the first time since he woke up, he felt a little lighter, despite the shear horror of it all.

He carefully straightened himself up a little, this time not wincing with pain. “So, how do I get out of here, then?”

"Mr. Hardy, I can see this is very hard to wrap your mind around, but it's important that you understand that this is serious. As I told you before, this wasn't just a panic attack. You have potentially a serious heart problem and probably had so for a while now. From what it looks like to me, you were lucky that you didn't already have an attack somewhere else than here."

Her tone was warm but very earnest. She put a hand on his arm. "We are here to help you, if you let us. You have to listen to what we have to say, alright?"

He looked down and chewed on his lip. It wasn’t that he really didn’t want to listen and take care of himself, but Baxter was right – he was the kind who wouldn’t if it involved his child. The doctor saw him squirming.

“Listen, for now, we are focusing on getting you started with some medications, so that you will feel better and your heart won’t go all ballistic on you again. And if you rest for the day and respond well to the drugs, then I might let you go over there to see her tonight. She’s not that far after all, just on the other end of this floor.

And for the first time, the realization that he was in an ICU himself sunk in. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. He closed his eyes again and let the exhaustion take hold. Before he could drift off to sleep, one thought surfaced.

“Please, don’t tell my wife… about my heart. I don’t want her to know… not yet.” She gave him a questioning look, but nodded.

“It’s your call. Patient confidentiality, you know. Get some rest now. Remember that’s what’s getting you closer to Daisy.” She squeezed his shoulder, like she had done before, and with one last reassuring glance left his room. He was out before she even closed the door.


	8. CHAPTER 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate the support and your ride along with Alec and Daisy.

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 8**

The girl was crying. She was hugging the limp shape of a female body. She was maybe eight or so years old. Dark sticky liquid was pooling around her. The body of a teenaged boy was lying a bit further to the side. A toddler boy was standing forlorn in the corner of the kitchen. The girl’s hair was long and black and so was her mother’s. Hardy walked up to them, the grey light filtering through the window playing with his senses. Shadows fell on the mother’s face, but then the clouds moved and her face was bathed in moonlight. He fell to his knees when he recognized Tess’ beautiful features, now all pale and still. And when the girl lifted her head and Daisy’s wide brown eyes stared at him dead in her pretty face, his heart stuttered and his breath left him.

He was clawing at his chest and struggling for air. His heart was beating way too fast, he couldn’t seem to calm it down. The light was dim and he felt utterly disoriented. He wasn’t in the kitchen anymore, but in a room with white walls. Gasping, he tried to sit up and whatever breath he had managed to take in was sucked out of him by the sudden stabbing sensation in his rib cage. He whimpered and tears shot in his eyes.

It finally filtered through that there was somebody talking to him. His attempt at finding the person the voice belonged to was thwarted by the room spinning around him. He tried to focus on the words instead and recognized his name.

“Mr. Hardy, can you hear me? Nod your head, if you can!”

He nodded, panting.

“Please try to calm yourself. Focus on your breathing, slowly, in and out. If you can’t I might have to give you some sedation. Your heart is not going to tolerate this much longer.”

Heart? What was she talking about? The vertigo was easing up and he was able to take in his surroundings. And things fell slowly into place again.

“That’s good. In and out. Keep going.”

His breaths were more measured and he recognized the young doctor and his nurse.

“Ah, welcome back. Good to have you with us again.” She smiled at him and gave him another reassuring squeeze on the shoulder.

With a hoarse voice, he tried to come up with the right question. “Was this… was this another…” He didn’t even know what to call it, “… another attack?”

“Not quite. We caught you in time. I think you might have had a night mare and reacted to the emotional distress from it. Right?” She was eager to see if her theory was correct.

“Erm, possibly.” He felt extremely self-conscious to even admit to the dream, let alone did he have any desire to discuss it with his doctor.

Feeling better, less out of breath, and with a more normal heart beat, he only had one thing in mind – Daisy.

“Can I go see Daisy? Please.”

He started to move, wanting to get up. He didn’t get far. His hand with the IV got caught in the bed and his broken rib made him wince and almost fall over with the pain.

_Bloody hell_.

“Oi, you’re impossible. You just barely scraped by another rendezvous with the defibrillator and are in so much pain you can’t even sit straight, but you want to go see your daughter. Ain’t gonna happen like this Mr. Hardy, I’m telling you now. Either you play by my rules or you’re not playing at all. I told you earlier that if I think you’re okay enough we’ll go see her. And I tend to keep my promises. So, would you please calm down a bit and then I’ll take you there.”

It didn’t escape Hardy that the nurse gave his doctor a disapproving stare. He couldn’t quite figure out though, if it was because of her suggestion to go see Daisy or because she had called him impossible. He had a feeling it was the later, having noticed her sarcastic streak earlier on. He quite liked it.

He snuffled his nose, ran his tongue over his lower teeth and growled in a low voice, “You could at least tell me how she’s doing.”

“I spoke with Dr. Stevens earlier. They washed out her abdomen, she had a big abscess there. They had to leave a drain. So, expect to see that when we go there. But the good news is that her blood pressure is better and they are able to decrease the medications that she needed to keep it up. They are also starting to wean the sedation and the ventilator support.”

When she noted his puzzled frown, she added, “That’s a good thing. Means her body is getting stronger and that they are planning on maybe taking out the breathing tube soon.”

It made him feel nauseous to think about how ill his little girl was. And he couldn’t be at her side. Tess was right, his timing sure was shitty. His hand went to his face and scratched the stubbles of his beard. _God,_ he really needed a shower and a shave. And he needed to use the loo.

Chewing his lip, he awkwardly asked about it. He could feel his ears burning. It shouldn’t have been that embarrassing, but not even being able to do that by himself made him feel rather weak and he hated it.

The nurse gestured to the urine bottle that was placed next to his bed. “You can use that.”

Before he could stop himself, he blurted out, “No fucking way. Over my dead body.”

Both, the nurse and his doctor, rolled their eyes at him.

“Well, Mr. Hardy, if you’re continuing to ignore our advice, the ‘over my dead body’ part might turn into a much more literal threat than you intended it to be. I don’t think it’s a good idea, but if you insist, then Grace will help you to the bathroom, but you’re not going by yourself. Your choice.” She folded her arms over her chest, challenging him with her gaze, eye brows raised in question.

She didn’t flinch under his intense stare and he lost the battle.

“Fine. But only if I can go see Daisy after.” He wondered to himself, if his face looked as pouty as his voice sounded.

Her lips curled up in a small smile, she nodded and left the room to give him some privacy.

The nurse turned to him. “Alright then. Mr. Hardy. This is how you use…”

He barked at the nurse, face burning with embarrassment, “I know what to do.”

She shrugged, “Alright then. Suit yourself. Ring the bell when you’re done.”

It turned out that having a broken rib, several IV lines connected to his hands and his chest hooked up to all kinds of monitors, made it surprisingly difficult to take care of business. And when he finally gave up and called back the nurse to help him, he just wished he could sink into a crack in the earth and vanish together with his burning feeling of embarrassment.

 

* * *

 

His doctor – _when had she become_ _‘_ _his_ _’_ _doctor anyways?_ – came back a little while later to check how he was doing. It was dark outside now and he idly wondered if she would stay overnight. He agonized for a brief moment, if he should ask her for her name, admitting that he didn’t even know it . He wanted to though.

She raised her eye brows and smirked slightly. “I figured, you didn’t remember. It’s Dr. Abbott, Emily actually. I’m one of the cardiology registrars. Pleased to meet you Mr. Hardy.”

He must have made a face when she mentioned the first name, because her smirk turned into a wide grin, and she said, “I heard from your wife you don’t quite like first names. Alec’s not _that_ bad though.”

He cringed at the sound of his name. In order to distract, he quickly asked her, “Has my wife been here at all? I mean, while I was sleeping?” There was hope in his voice, hope that she would have come back to check on him, even if she was mad.

There was only the briefest hesitation, before she answered. She didn’t even have to say it.

“As far as I’m aware, no, she didn’t. But then I wasn’t here all the time, right?” It was an attempt at kindness, but they both knew better.

Hardy’s eyes trailed over the trees outside the window, his lips pressed into a thin line. He _did_ feel guilty that he had left Tess alone in this situation, but to be fair, it wasn’t exactly like he was on a joy ride here either. He tried to ignore the nagging feeling of disappointment that was still lingering over the issue with the wedding. Unconsciously, he balled his hands into a fist and a sharp pain in his hand reminded him once again how frustrating all of this was.

He winced and groaned under his breath, “Ach, for God’s sake.”

Dr. Abbott took his hand and loosened up the tape over the IV.

“Better?” she asked gently.

Her eyes were full of empathy and he suddenly felt very glad that she was there with him. It made him feel less lonely, like at least someone cared. It took him a moment to realize, how disturbed this thought made him. How could he feel this lonely, when his wife was only down the hallway? Agitation was creeping up on him and he pushed the emotion away, not wanting to rile up his heart. He couldn’t lose his chance to see Daisy.

“So, do you feel up to go see your daughter?”

He nodded eagerly. He had the sneaking suspicion he might have used Daisy’s favorite ‘wide-eyed-puppy-stare’ on her, as she quickly looked down, hiding blushing cheeks and a grin.

“Just to make it very clear to you. I’m not supposed to do this. You’re an ICU patient and clearly in no shape to leave a monitored bed. But these are extenuating circumstances, so I’ll stick my head out and get you there. But only if you promise to play by my rules and not do anything reckless.”

The look on her face had turned stern and she was clearly tense. He dawned on him that she probably could get into a lot of trouble, if something happened to him on their excursion. He didn’t want that.

He was sincere, when he said, “I promise, nothing reckless. So, what are the rules?”

“You have 30 minutes, not longer. If I see you get upset, you’re out of there. If your heart starts acting up, you’re out of there.” She paused.

“And if someone else upsets you, you’re out of there also.” They both knew who she was referring to.

With a sigh, he promised to behave. He felt like a school boy. On the other hand, it sounded reasonable enough, although he would have liked to have more time. He watched Dr. Abbott dash out of the room and come back with a wheelchair. It had a small monitor and an oxygen tank attached to it.

“I’m not using that.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest.

She tilted her head. “Alright, show me that you can stand up and walk to the door. If you can, I might be persuaded not to use it.” It was a clear dare.

He slowly sat up. There was a stab in his side. He sucked in a quick breath and closed his eyes. He felt light-headed, but it passed after sitting up for a few minutes. She watched patiently. Eventually, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed only to become aware of the fact that he wasn’t wearing any undergarments.

_Bollocks._

His ears were turning red. He tugged at the way too short gown and shot her a sideways glance. She tried to hide a grin, staying professional. Then, she handed him a second gown.

“Here, let me help you with this. One in the front and one in the back. It should cover you up enough. Sorry about the wardrobe malfunction.”

“What about this?” He yanked on the monitor leads. He watched her put the monitor on standby and unplug the cables, leaving the stickers on his chest.

“That’s what this is for.” She pointed to the small monitor on the wheel chair. “Can’t have you leave unmonitored. Would probably lose my job.” Her face was sincere and a little worried.

He tried to stand up and immediately had to sit down again. It wasn’t so much the dizziness or his rapidly increasing heartbeat, but he clearly had underestimated the impact of the rib fracture. The pain was excruciating and when he tried to brace himself with his arm, it just made it worse. He felt defeated.

She knew, she had won, and silently pushed the wheelchair over to him.

“Nothing reckless.” she repeated, when she helped him in the chair.

He nodded submissively. While she hooked up the monitor, grabbed the IV pole with his drips and put a sheet over his legs, he thought, the probability for reckless action was slim, actually for _any_ action for that matter. Just getting up had taken everything out of him.

 

* * *

 

Hardy paid close attention to where they were going. He noted that the nursing station was far from his room and that the corridor seemed almost empty. He couldn’t help but feel like a prisoner planning his escape. They went through a large set of double doors under a sign reading ‘Cardiothoracic ICU’, crossed the elevators, passed the signs for ‘Medical ICU’ and ‘Surgical ICU’ until they reached the colorful doors for the pediatric ICU. They had to be buzzed in.

They reached Daisy’s room and she reminded him of the drain in her abdomen. He took in a deep breath and braced himself for what he would find. He hated the fact that this need for getting ready for what was behind these doors was not only limited to his daughter’s illness but very much also related to his wife.

His gaze was immediately drawn to the thick tube snaking its way out from under the sheet that covered Daisy’s still body. There was bloody fluid in it and he was struggling not to wretch. He had seen enough blood and human remains in his life time, but seeing it in connection with his daughter, was putting him over the edge. He heard his heart monitor beep faster and tried to take in some breaths to calm himself down. The nausea passed and he was able to take a closer look at Daisy.

She looked better, her cheeks almost rosy. He couldn’t hold back the tears of relief. She was still sleeping from the sedation, but life had come back to her and he never had been as grateful as in this moment. He felt the now familiar squeeze on his shoulder.

“I’ll leave you with her for a while. Here’s the call button. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate.”

He looked up and tried to smile.

“Thank you for taking me.” She just smiled and left him next to Daisy’s bed.

 

* * *

 

“Now that was sweet.” Tess’ voice was dripping with sarcasm. “You made a friend?”

Exhausted already, he rubbed his hand over his stubbly face. He sighed.

“Please, Tess. Let’s not fight. I’m glad I’m getting a chance to be here. She is doing me a big favor, she could lose her job over this.”

His eyes wondered from Daisy to Tess. She looked worn out. Her face was pale and her usually impeccable attire was wrinkled and disheveled. His heart went out to her and all his anger and frustration was gone. He reached out with the arm that wasn’t hooked up to an IV. He gestured for Tess to come over.

“Come here, love. I’m so sorry for what happened. I’m so sorry for leaving you alone with this.”

She didn’t say anything. He begged her with his eyes to accept his invitation. And then finally, she got up reluctantly and walked over to where he was sitting in the wheelchair. He managed to give her an awkward hug. It felt good to be so close to her.

Her voice was muffled on his shoulder, when she asked, “How are you feeling?”

“‘M fine.”

Tess scoffed at him. “Seriously, Alec. ‘M fine’? After you nearly died on me?”

She pushed herself away from him and he almost passed out from the sudden pain in his side. She jumped at his reaction and he could hear the distress in her voice.

“What’s going on Alec? Talk to me.”

After a few deep breaths, he was able to reply.

“I’ve got a cracked rib, from the chest compressions. It’s rather…” He had to pause to breathe again. “It’s rather painful.”

“Bloody hell. I didn’t know that. Your sweet little doctor friend didn’t really tell me anything.” There was malice in her voice.

He felt a strong need to defend Dr. Abbott. “Not her fault. I had asked her not to. Didn’t want to stress you out more. They said they are looking into why my heart beat was so abnormal. Most likely something brought on by too much emotional distress.”

He was being careful with how much information he was giving her. There was no need to concern her unnecessarily until he found out more himself. He wasn’t sure, if she was buying it.

To lighten up the mood, he tried a joke. “Daisy always says, my soppiness is going to be my downfall.”

He smiled at her and reached out again. She carefully took his hand and gently rubbed his palm. There were tears in her eyes, when she spoke.

“When I came in this morning, they were wheeling Daisy off to the operating theater. And they told me you had collapsed, that they had to do CPR and shock you and were brought to the cardiac ICU. I didn’t even know what to say, where to go. It was so awful, Alec. I felt so alone. I was so mad that you had left me with this. I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair. Not your fault you got sick.”

He cupped her cheek with his hand and wiped away her tears with his thumb.

“Shhh, it’s okay. I’m here now. I’m sorry, I left you alone. We’ll get through this, together. I mean it, love.” And he tried to lean over to give her a kiss but never made it due to the excruciating pain in his rib cage.

He hissed a “For fuck’s sake” and tried to find a more comfortable position. The room started to spin again and he could feel his heart rate pick up. He was panting and there was sweat pooling on his forehead. Tess put her hand on his chest and started talking to him. About how much better Daisy looked now, that they were able to come off some of the blood pressure medications, that she was starting to breathe more on her own, that they were planning on taking out the breathing tube the next day or so. Her voice was soothing and it helped him to calm down and ease the pain.

He took Daisy’s hand and they both sat in silence for a while. Then a thought came to him.

“Have you talked to Baxter yet?” He hoped she hadn’t. The last thing he needed was his boss to find out he’d had some sort of a heart attack.

She shook her head. “Why? Do you not want me to?” Tess knew him so well.

“Please don’t, Tess. Let me figure out what’s going on first and then I’ll talk to him. You know how he gets when it comes to these things.”

He looked her in the eyes, trying to gage her reaction. It was risky to ask her. She didn’t take kindly to people neglecting their health. But he had no choice, if he wanted to keep his job until he had sorted things out.

She frowned and squinted her eyes at him. “Alright. But you have to promise me that you will take care of yourself. If you don’t, I will make sure he knows.”

It was by no means an empty threat, but he was relieved for now. At least he could keep Baxter out of the loop until he had more information. He decided to shelf the guilt over not being honest with his friend. He told himself he just didn’t want to worry him for no good reason, but he knew this was a lie in the end. What he was really afraid of was that Baxter would make him face a truth that he didn’t want to hear. That he almost had died and that this might be more serious than he was willing to admit. Now was not the time, he rationalized. Now was the time to take care of Daisy.

He squeezed Daisy’s hand tightly and his heart rate sped up when she squeezed back. Tess had noted it too and their hopeful gazes locked for a moment. And there it was, deep down in her blue eyes, the thing he’d been missing, the love he’d been sharing with her for more than fifteen years. Whatever it was that had been going on between the two of them these past weeks, Daisy would always be the one thing that united them, and he felt truly hopeful for the first time in days.

 

* * *

 

By the time Dr. Abbott came to pick him up, he was extremely exhausted, so much that he was grateful to be able to go back to his bed, even if that meant he had to leave Daisy’s side.

“Tess, you should go home some time tonight. I’ll be close enough. She’ll still be asleep. They will get me if anything happens. Please, get some rest.” And to drive home his point, he added, “You look like shit.”

“Oh, thanks for that. Taken a look in the mirror lately?” She was indignant, but he could tell for once he had won the argument and she would go home.

To his surprise, she breathed a quick kiss on his cheek. “Fine. I need to get some stuff for you anyways. Wouldn’t want to flash any of those poor kids out there, would you now? A tall skinny Scot with a gruff face and no undies, that’s enough to send anyone running scared shitless.”

She chuckled and so did he, desperation once again held at bay. He kissed Daisy’s hand, brought it briefly to his cheek and with a last glance at his daughter, Dr. Abbott wheeled him out of the room.

 

* * *

 

It was agony to get back into his bed and despite being so worn out, he was sure he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

As if she had read his mind, Dr. Abbott pulled a small syringe out of her coat pocket and hooked it up to an IV. She pushed it in slowly. He could feel the effect almost immediately. The warm sensation made his mind foggy and relaxed. His speech slurred and he wasn’t sure if he was at all coherent when he asked what she had just given him.

“It’s morphine, Mr. Hardy. You deserve some decent pain medication after all this. Besides you need to sleep.”

Before she could let go of his hand, he grabbed hers.

“Why’r ya doin’ all of this?” His mouth didn’t quite cooperate. He tried to focus. “Ya coulda lost your job.”

She gave him a shy smile, and fully knowing he wasn’t quite coherent, she confessed, “You remind me of my Dad.”

“Oi, that hurts. ‘M not tha’ old.”

She laughed. “No you’re not. But you’re just as stubborn as he was. Never listened to what the doctors had to say, always bargaining. And you love your little girl just as much as he loved me.”

Noticing the past tense, he didn’t let go of her hand. “‘M sorry.”

She smiled sadly at him. “Thank you.” She gently pried her hand out of his and placed it on the bed. “Get some sleep now. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

He finally permitted himself to give into the merciful embrace of the drug, the image of Daisy’s rosy face drifting through his mind. His smile was loopy and he looked years younger, when sleep took firm hold over him.


	9. CHAPTER 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks again to all readers out there. I appreciate the feedback and encouragement. Here’s the next chapter… Alec has a cunning plan…

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 9**

It was still dark outside when Hardy woke up. Yet again, there was a moment of profound disorientation, but this time it passed quicker, without any alarms going off. He felt rested and not as worn out. Daisy had squeezed his hand, he was sure of it. She had looked so much better. He let the feeling of intense relief wash away the lingering weariness.

He didn’t know what time it was, a fact that made him antsy. He disliked waking up in the middle of the night with no clock around, not knowing if he should try to drift back to sleep or if it was almost time to get up. The uncertainty always set off racing thoughts in his mind and then there was no more sleep to be had. He carefully shifted in the bed, sitting up. It wasn’t quite as painful anymore, maybe because he had figured out how to brace himself against the stabbing pain in his rib cage. Or maybe because he was indeed getting better.

His heart beat felt steadier than it had ever since Daisy got sick and moving did not immediately send the room spinning around him. He sat up fully and brought his legs to the ground. He then tried to stand up. To his surprise, he made it without falling over with pain or setting off the alarms.

_Progress,_ he thought. He rubbed his hands over his face, feeling the stubbles. It itched. He wondered, if the hospital had some shaving supplies around. He reached for the call bell, but then refrained from using it. His nurses might not be overly enthusiastic about his request for a razor and some shaving cream in the wee hours of the night. With a sigh, he lowered himself again onto the bed. He really wished, he had his mobile or anything else with a clock on it.

He scrutinized the monitor above his head. There was a tiny clock on there but without his reading glasses, he couldn’t quite make out the time.

He gave up. He reached for the call button again and pressed it. The answer was immediate. The sudden flash of the overhead lights made him squint.

“Mr. Hardy. You’re up, I see. Are you alright? Do you need anything?”

The nurse’s concern was clearly only professional and Hardy found himself missing Dr. Abbott’s true empathy. His call had been born out of restlessness more than an actual need for help and he felt awkward having her summoned in like this. He chewed on his lower lip and tried to come up with a request.

“Can I…” He rephrased in an attempt to be polite. “I mean, would it be possible to take a shower?” He scratched his beard again.

“And shave?”

He hated, how pathetic he sounded. Being a patient certainly implied being patient, and that had never been his best virtue. The nurse’s face only flinched slightly. He had to give her credit for that. She had come around the bed to where he was sitting and he gave her a sheepish look from below.

With a sigh barely hidden in her voice, she tried her best. “Mr. Hardy, it’s barely 5 am and that’s really not a good time for you to be roaming about outside of your bed. I can help you to the bathroom and you can freshen up a little but why don’t we postpone more strenuous activities for later today, right?”

She wasn’t really condescending, but Hardy felt like he had just been reprimanded like a small child. He resented the implication that taking a shower was a strenuous activity.

“If you say so. Thanks anyways.”

He knew he was short with her, and he felt sorry, but his composure was quickly falling apart. _God_ , he hated hospitals, but he hated being weak and dependent on people even more. He stood up again and pretended that it wasn’t taking him quite some effort. The nurse put the monitor on standby and unplugged the leads. She grabbed his arm to steady him, walking him over to the bathroom. He suppressed the urge to shrug her off, realizing that it might actually not be the worst idea to have someone to hold on to. She wheeled his IV pole along to the small en-suite.

The nurse gave him some towels and a washcloth. There was also a tooth brush, but no razor. She made him sit on a small chair in front of the sink.

“Do you want me to help you?” He shook his head.

“Alright then. Try not to get your IVs wet or rip any of them out. Ring the call bell over there, when you’re done.” And she left him to himself.

Hardy turned on the water and let it run over the hand that wasn’t all taped up. He wiped down his face with the damp wash cloth. This was in no way a replacement for his usually steaming hot morning shower. The desire to just get up and leave was growing bigger with the minute. He made a decision, an escape plan forming in his head.

 

* * *

 

Using his IV pole to steady himself, Hardy carefully opened the door to his room. The hallway was deserted. The nursing station was on the other end, out of the way, far from the the big double doors that would take him out of the ICU. He had found some of his belongings and didn’t feel quite as naked. He couldn’t find his shoes, so socks would have to do. No pants either, but it wasn’t that he intended to leave the hospital. All he wanted to do, was go visit Daisy.

It briefly occurred to him that he probably should just ask, if he could, but what if they’d say no? He didn’t want to risk it. And being already disconnected from the monitor was the perfect opportunity to sneak out. Deep down inside him, he knew this was rather immature and not very responsible behavior, but it made him also feel oddly adventurous, a thrill that he welcomed after feeling all cooped up. He snuffled his nose and rubbed his tongue over his teeth. Maybe he could blame his poor judgement on the morphine?

_Right, probably not_. The thought sounded ludicrous even to him.

He slowly made his way towards the door, bracing himself against the wall. His long, skinny legs were sticking out from under the too short a gown while he was stalking along. He shivered in the cold hospital air. He could feel his heart rate speeding up and he took in a few deep breaths to see if it would calm him down. It worked. For now. His rib was hurting, but not enough to make him go back.

He made it through the doors, out of the ICU. The feeling of triumph was somewhat dampened by the outlook of having to cross the long hallway down to where the colorful pediatric ICU doors where awaiting him. He rubbed the back of his head. The elevators and entrances to the other wards could pose a problem. The likelihood of getting caught was high. But he already had fully committed to the plan. No turning back now. Grabbing the IV pole tightly, he journeyed on. By the time he reached across he was rather worn out. The pain was getting worse and he felt slightly out of breath. He leaned against the wall, panting. And that was when he realized the fatal flaw in his cunning plan of sneaking into Daisy’s room.

_Bloody hell._

The doors to the pediatric ICU were locked. There was no way of opening them without being buzzed in. He was under no illusion that if he were to ring the bell, he would probably be immediately shipped back to his own room. He closed his eyes, fighting of a bout of vertigo. It dawned on him that the doors to the cardiac ICU were equally locked. He hadn’t thought this through, and he definitely had not planned a return strategy. All he could think off was getting to Daisy.

“And what is this, that you think you’re doing here?”

Dr. Abbott’s sharp voice cut through his foggy thoughts. His eyes flew open. She was in her coat and regular clothes, obviously just coming in to start her shift. He shrank under her piercing stare.

Under his breath, he mumbled, “‘M going to see Daisy.”

She rolled her eyes at him and just shook her head. “Impossible. I have no words.”

He seriously contemplated, if he should fake fainting to get out of the utterly embarrassing situation. He didn’t have to. The exertion finally caught up with him and his vision turned from blurry to black. He sucked in a deep breath, slid down the wall, and right before he passed out he could hear her shout for help.

 

* * *

 

He was shivering. This wasn’t his bed. He was lying on something hard and cold.

_Right, the hallway._

His vision came back into focus. Dr. Abbott was kneeling over him, the paddles of the defibrillator hovering over his chest. There were other people around, it seemed chaotic to him.

“Hold the shock. I think he’s back.” She put away the paddles and switched over some knobs on the machine. She frowned when she saw the crawl of his heart beat on the monitor. She put her hand on his neck, feeling for his erratic pulse.

She stood up and without looking at him, she told the nurses to get him back to his room. She rattled off some other instructions, nothing of which meant anything to him. When they wheeled him off, she stopped them, and bent down to his head. Her voice was very quiet, just for his ears. There was a steeliness to it that he would not have judged her to have.

“If you do anything even close to as stupid as this again, I will _not_ be your doctor anymore. I don’t care for reckless people. Do you understand?”

He nodded, and his face was heating up with shame.

“Good. No hard feelings then. And I won’t tell your wife." She finally smiled at him and gave him the usual shoulder squeeze.

 

* * *

 

Hardy was picking at the hospital breakfast. He wasn’t hungry but he hadn’t eaten in a day, so he forced himself to take some bites. They had brought him decaf tea and he almost spit it out when he took a sip. Morning rounds had come and gone, and he was supposed to go for some tests later that day. And then in the afternoon there was a meeting with the cardiologist. There was nothing to distract him from the rising anxiety.

He eyed the pills they had brought him. He was meant to take them with his food. They were white, big and looked chalky. The nurse had mentioned that he would be on these for a while and might as well get used to taking them now. He took one and put it in his mouth. It tasted bitter and metallic. He had nothing but the disgusting decaf tea to swallow it with. He gagged, but managed to rinse it down. The second one was easier.

There was a knock at his door. Tess stuck her head in and when she saw he was awake she came in. He straightened himself up and smiled through the pain.

“How’s Daisy?”

“Oh, good morning to you too.” Tess gave him a quick slap on his arm.

“Fine. Good morning. How’s Daisy?”

His thoughts were rather single minded. She rolled her eyes at him and shook her head.

“Better. They stopped the blood pressure medication and are letting her wake up more. They think they might be able to take out the breathing tube by tomorrow. The surgeons are happy too.”

Tess looked just as relieved as he felt. She pulled up a chair and sat next to him. She looked him up and down.

“How about yourself then? You look like you could use a shave.”

He scoffed and scratched his chin unconsciously. “Aye. Tried to convince them to let me have a shower at 5 am. The nurses didn’t take kindly to that.”

She grinned. “I brought you some things. Maybe they’ll let you use it later.” She held up a bag.

He was tempted to tell her about his failed escape, but somehow he felt she wouldn't be as amused as she used to be with his antics. He wished he wasn't tied down to this bed, that he could just get up and be closer to her. She was sitting so far away, that he couldn't even reach her hand. He resorted to sulking instead.

“They gave me decaf tea. I hate it.” He threw himself back onto the pillow and crossed his arms over his chest.

Tess laughed at his pouting face. “You’re an idiot Alec Hardy. Of course they would only have decaf. This is a cardiac ICU after all.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it.” he grumbled. He didn’t tell her about the pills. Not yet.

“So, are they letting you out of here soon? Could use some company.” Her voice sounded hopeful.

He was taken aback a bit that she seemed more concerned with having company than with his well-being. Or maybe he was just feeling sensitive. He tried not to let onto his feelings. It wasn't her fault that he as usual had shit timing with things.

“Dunno. They want to run some more tests. They haven’t really told me much yet.”

He tried to keep his voice level. He wasn’t a good liar and she knew it. She squinted her eyes at him, suspicion that he was hiding something creeping in, but then she let go of it. He would cross that bridge when it came to it.

“I brought you your phone. It’s okay to use it. I asked.” She tossed his mobile on the bed.

She then stood up, moving away from him. “Are you alright with me going back to Daisy?”

He managed to grab her hand before she could leave and tried to catch her gaze.

“Of course. She needs you, more than I do.” There was a brief flicker of doubt in her eyes. “Go on. I’ll be fine.” He squeezed her hand reassuringly.

“You’re always ‘ _fine_ _’_ , Alec. Until you’re not.” She smiled, but her eyes were sad. She squeezed his hand back and left quickly. If he hadn’t known her better, he would have thought she was trying to hide tears.


	10. CHAPTER 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks to all readers out there. Sorry, it took a little longer with the update. Hope you’ll like it. May I introduce Duncan… the groom to be and Hardy’s oldest friend.

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 10**

Hardy had a bitter taste in his mouth. He would have liked to blame it on the pills, but he knew better than that. What Tess had said about him was true. He never had been very good at taking care of himself or – _God help him_ – at opening up to people around him. Regardless, it felt like betraying her not to confess all his worries and the very tangible fear that there was something seriously wrong with his heart.

He quickly pushed away the thought of his own mortality. Losing one’s bodily and mental capabilities to illness was something he was truly scared of. He had been forced to stand by helplessly and watch his father slowly deteriorate, in the end passing away a mere shadow of his former proud self. His father had despised weakness and dependency his whole life, maybe more so than was healthy. It certainly had not encouraged his understanding of his wife’s fragile state.

His thoughts lingered on his mother for a very brief moment. He could hear the heart monitor pick up the pace. Not a good idea to confront those painful memories now. He took in a deep breath, but was quickly reminded that a broken rib is not in favor of such action. He was feeling increasingly restless. He itched to get up and go for a walk, but knew that that was out of the question.

‘Nothing reckless’, she had said. _Fine_ , he didn’t want to lose her as his doctor.

He grabbed the phone. There were two texts – one from Baxter asking how Daisy was and to his surprise one from Duncan’s fiancée. About the wedding. He slowly spun the phone around in his hands. Suppose, he should give Duncan a call and give him a heads up that his best man might not be able to make it. He pressed his lips together. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to talk to his old friend. Duncan for sure would make him face reality as soon as he figured out what was going on and he wouldn’t take any bull shit answers, especially not from Hardy. He knew him too well. And he could smell him lying from miles away.

He scrolled through his contacts until he found the number. There was really nothing else for him to do, he told himself, it was all just distraction.

_Ya, right._

Who was he kidding? The situation was threatening to overwhelm him. Usually, it would have been Tess to pull him away from his compulsive brooding, but not his time. The fact that he didn’t want to talk to Tess was making it even more painfully obvious that there was a need to confide in someone else. And it couldn’t be Baxter.

Before he could lose courage, he pressed the button. It was ringing for a while and he was feeling relieved – almost.

“Hold on, Hardy.” Duncan barked into the phone, his Scottish accent thicker than he remembered. There was a lot of noise in the background, and then a sound of something shattering on the ground.

“ _Bloody hell_ , James, get back here now and help cleaning up the mess you made.”

Duncan’s voice was full of exasperation. Hardy heard the muffled response of Duncan’s youngest son, clearly refusing to come back. A flurry of colorful language followed. Hardy leaned back on his pillow and found the family banter oddly relaxing.

“Sorry, mate. The little shit is driving me bonkers. He’s just lucky, it was me who was around and not his mother.”

Duncan was in rare form and talking a mile a minute. Tess’ theory why they were such good friends was that, ultimately, they were extremely compatible – Duncan would just talk for the two of them, while Hardy would sit back and observe, something that Duncan apparently wasn’t good at. _Mouth and eyes_ as Tess liked to say. In Hardy’s opinion this was a rather one dimensional way to describe their relationship, but admittedly not entirely untrue. For many years it was Duncan who steered him through the treacherous waters of human interaction, while Hardy made sure that his friend didn’t get himself into too much trouble. 

“So, did ya get Geena’s message? She’s been bugging me about that suit of yours. You really need to get that fitted. Just do it for me, mate. If I have to listen to her one more time about, how unreliable all my friends are and how all _her_ friends are all set already, I think I might just lose it. And what about Daisy, did she get a dress? I had to mail those cloth color thingees so that she could go shopping. God, this whole wedding is driving me mad, don’t even know why we’re doing this. It’s not like we haven’t been _like_ married forever. Why the formalities? Nothing wrong with living in sin, ey?”

Duncan finally paused. Hardy opened his mouth but couldn’t get anything out.

“Hardy, what’s going on? Out with it. You’re even more tight-lipped than usual.”

He took in a deep breath. “We might not be able to come to the wedding.”

“ _What?_ Is it Tess? I’m going to…”

Hardy promptly interrupted him. “No, it’s not that. Daisy…” He swallowed and mustered the courage to say it out loud.

“Daisy’s in the hospital. It’s serious. She’s got appendicitis and it got bad. She’s in the ICU.” He broke up.

“Oh God, I’m sorry Hardy. But she’s going to be alright, yes?”

“She stopped breathing, Duncan.” The image of the doctors shoving the breathing tube down her throat was as vivid in front of him as it had been that morning. Hardy felt his throat closing up. He forced himself to go on.

“I watched them put the breathing tube in. She had to have emergency surgery.”

Hardy’s breathing was getting heavier. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to make the image go away. Instead he tried to focus on the feeling of her hand squeezing his. It helped.

“They said she’s getting better now. Tess says she looks better.” His voice was trembling.

Duncan was quiet on the other side, a sure sign that he was rather shocked. There wasn’t much that would shut him up. Then he caught on to something.

“What do you mean, _Tess_ says she looks better? You’re not there with her?”

Hardy cursed himself. Tess was wrong about her assessment that Hardy was the observant one. Duncan had a canny ability of picking up on undertones, on the things that were not said, especially when it came to his oldest friend. Hardy got tense, struggling with the inevitable. He squirmed in the bed, his heart rate picking up with the anxious feelings. The monitor sound was starting to annoy him, a constant reminder of his malfunctioning body.

“Hardy, what’s that noise? Sounds like you’re in a hospital. But you’re not with Daisy.” Hardy knew Duncan so well that he could _see_ him sitting up on the other end, pulling up his left eye brow and arriving at the logical conclusion.

“Are you in a fucking hospital yourself?” Duncan’s concern was obvious. So was his impatience. He didn’t wait for Hardy to come up with a story.

“Don’t lie to me, you know you can’t.” He was at the verge of getting angry when Hardy still didn’t reply.

“Out with it, _now!_ ” He growled the last word.

Hardy cleared his throat. “Aye, I’m in hospital myself. Looks like I couldn’t handle the stress of seeing my daughter get sick.”

Maybe he would buy it, Hardy doubted it though. And in a way he didn’t want him too. He needed Duncan to make him say it, as he couldn’t have done so of his own accord.

“Bullshit. Sounds like you’re hocked up to some kind of heart monitor. For God’ sake, what’s going on with you? I know you, even you wouldn’t be this squirmy if it wasn’t something bad.”

Duncan’s voice grating at his nerves was the last bit of nudging he needed. His hand with the IV was loosely draped over his eyes and the other hand was clutching the phone tightly, knuckles turning white.

With a barely audible voice, he admitted more to himself than to his friend, “I almost died.”

There was dead silence on the other side. Hardy could hear his friend sucking in a few breaths. Oddly, he himself felt calm, a weight being lifted. And to his own surprise he was able to continue with a steady voice.

“I collapsed in Daisy’s room, right before they took her to surgery. They had to do chest compressions – they broke my bloody rib, hurts like shit. They did that thing they do on TV, you know, shock you with the paddles. Twice, before they got my back.”

He paused to give his friend time to process. And maybe also himself.

“Are you telling me that your bloody heart stopped?” Duncan was clearly having a hard time with the information. His voice sounded shaky.

“Aye, sorta. I’m not sure I quite understood what the doctor told me, but that was basically it.”

“Why?” Duncan was short, but not with him. Hardy knew his friend well enough. Duncan was trying to compose himself. He tended to only say the absolutely needed then, so unlike his usual self.

Hardy sighed. “Don’t know yet. I have some more tests to do today and then I’ll meet with the cardiologist later in the afternoon.”

“Alec, what are you not telling? I need to know.” Duncan never used his first name, unless he was dead serious.

Hardy didn’t answer at first. It was hard to get his thoughts straight. He was still clinging on to the hope that it might have been something temporary, but if he was honest with himself, now that he had an idea what the symptoms were, they had been there for quite some time.

The tremble was back in his voice. “There’s a possibility that there’s something wrong… with my heart. Might have been there for bit already.”

“What do you mean, something’s wrong with your heart?” He sounded confused and Hardy felt himself reminded of his own reaction only a day ago, when Dr. Abbott told him his heart had given out on him.

Hardy was exhausted. His voice sounded weary and old to him. “It’s not beating normally. They’re not sure yet, or maybe they are and haven’t told me. As I said I’m meeting with the cardiologist today, after a few more tests.”

Duncan picked up on something else. “And what do you mean by, it’s been there for a bit? You never mentioned anything.” He sounded angry. Hardy knew where that could lead to.

“Please, Duncan. Go easy on me. I really didn’t know. I thought I was out of shape and tired. I would have never thought that there was something serious…” He trailed off. Neither of them said anything for a while.

When Duncan finally spoke again, his voice was soft and caring. “Listen, whatever it is, you’ll deal with it. They’ll fix you up and you’re going to be back to your usual wanker self in no time. You’re not alone. I’m here if you need anything. And then Tess…”

Having finally confronted the situation, Hardy was already on shaky emotional ground, some silent tears running down his cheeks. Mentioning Tess pushed him over the edge and a stifled sob escaped his throat.

Duncan paused. “Oh, you haven’t told her yet.”

His voice was weak. “No. Not yet. Wanted to wait for what they have to say. Not stress her out more. I already left her alone with Daisy. She has every right to be mad, with me…”

“Bullshit!” Duncan cut him off, this time properly angry. “She has absolutely _no_ right to be mad at you. You _died_ , Alec, for all practical purposes. Your stupid heart stopped and if you weren’t the stubborn arse that you are, who knows what would have happened. If she should ever make a comment in front of me along the lines of you leaving her because your heart gave out on you, I will not hold back anymore. It won’t be pretty, I swear.” His breathing was heavy on the other end.

When Duncan had calmed down he added, “God, Alec. Your fucking guilt complex will do you in some day. You didn’t do anything wrong, you’ve been ill. Don’t let her do that to you.”

And he used the ultimate weapon to disarm Alec Hardy. “Daisy would tell you the same thing, and you know it.”

Hardy pressed on his eye balls. “Leave Daisy out of it. I know you don’t like Tess, but…”

“This is not about liking her or not. It’s not about her hitting on me, it’s not about all the times she should have been there for you and wasn’t. For the small things.”

Duncan took in a big breath.

“This is about what you vow when you get married, this is about being there not only in the good times, but in the bad times as well. Especially when the bad times are a real shit storm. For Tess, it’s always about her, never about anyone else. It’s utterly selfish, and quite frankly rather ludicrous, to _blame_ you for getting ill and leaving her alone. You didn’t leave _her_ alone, she left _you_ alone.”

Hardy’s response was meek. “ ‘S not like that. She does care, you know. About me.” He was starting to feel light-headed again and his breathing became heavier.

“I’m really sorry, Alec. I can tell I’m upsetting you and I really shouldn’t be doing that right now. I haven’t said anything about Tess and how I see some things that you might not, because I respect you as a friend. But I also care about you, a lot. I can’t stand by idly and watch how she’s treating you, especially not now with all this going on. You need support, you need someone who will make you do the right things, because you’re shit at taking care of yourself. And I do wonder if Tess it the best person for that. Not because she doesn’t care about you, but because of the person she is.”

Hardy was struggling with keeping up what his friend was saying. By now, light-headedness had turned into vision gone all blurry and that empty feeling in his chest was growing stronger. He was trying to catch his breath.

“Alec? Are you alright?” Duncan was yelling at him through the phone.

Hardy couldn’t answer. He was trying to find the call bell. Somewhere inside his foggy mind he was wondering why the damn monitor wasn’t going off, only to realize that it actually was.

Duncan was still yelling at him through the phone and Hardy was clutching it like a life line, when the nurse and Dr. Abbott came into the room. They tried to make him swallow those awful pills, but he just couldn’t.

Dr. Abbott put her hand on his arm, trying to get his attention.

“Mr. Hardy, try to take the pills. I need to see you do it, so I know you can do this on your own once you’re out of here. You do want to get out of here, don’t you?”

In his state, it took Hardy a moment to process. Sufficiently motivated, he did his best at getting the pills down and succeeded. He slumped back on his pillow, struggling to breathe.

“Well done. Now focus on breathing until the medication kicks in. We’re here with you.”

She pried the phone out of his hand and at the edge of consciousness he realized she was talking to Duncan. She was watching him intently, her eyes darting between the monitor and him, taking his pulse at his wrist. And all the while she was talking – no, not that – but actually listening to Duncan.

After a few agonizingly long minutes, his heart beat returned to normal and it became easier to breathe.

Dr. Abbott smiled. “There you go. Better now?” He nodded.

“Your friend wants to tell you something. I think you scared him.”

Hardy scoffed, “I think I scared myself.”

She chuckled. “Ah, welcome back, Mr. Hardy.”

She handed him the phone and excused herself. “I’ll see you this afternoon, when we meet with Dr. Hamilton, the cardiologist. We have a lot to talk about.”

Hardy took the phone. “You’re still there? ‘M sorry, if I scared you.”

“Ach, Alec. Quit it. If anyone should be sorry, it’s me. I shouldn’t have said what I said, at least not right now. I spoke to your doctor, seems like a nice person. She didn’t tell me much, patient confidentiality. Anyways, I did get something out of her though. I told her about the wedding in a couple of weeks, I asked her if she thinks you wouldn’t be able to go. She feels very confident that there shouldn’t be a reason why not.”

Hardy’s nerves being frayed as they were, he lost it.

“Really? The wedding? You worried you need to find a new best man? Maybe this time someone who’ll get the damn suit fitted” Sarcasm was dripping of his words and his pitch had shifted up an octave.

Duncan let out a sigh. “Please, Alec, don’t get annoyed. Let me talk. If you can’t be the best man, then I just won’t have anyone. But that’s not it. I know how much Daisy and you both were looking forward to this. Use that. Hold on to that desire of spending that time with her. Hold on to the idea that this is going to be something that you and she will share, and just the two of you. Nobody else. It’s going to get you through the next days and weeks until things get better. Listen to me and don’t be stubborn about it. Please." 

Hardy didn’t quite know how to respond. He pressed his lips to a thin line and looked out the window, sun filtering in. And slowly the words of his friend sunk in and became meaningful.

Sincerely, he finally replied, “Thank you, Duncan. I will, I promise.”

“You’re welcome.” There was relief in his voice. “Oh, and you better get that suit fitted. A heart condition buys you only that much time with bridezilla.”

Hardy snorted. “ ‘S not a condition.”

Duncan laughed. “It sure sounds like one to me. Seriously though, l want to know what they have to say. You don’t have to be alone in this.” There was another loud crash in the back ground and Duncan cursed.

“I’m sorry mate, but I have to go. Otherwise these kids will tear the place down. Call me, yes?”

“I will. Thanks again for...” And as usual Hardy had trouble putting his feelings in words. “… for everything.”

Duncan scoffed. “I would say don’t mentioned it, but as you barely can get anything out that remotely resembles an expression of emotion, I’m not going to. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye, Hardy.” And he was gone.

Hardy stared at the phone, mind wondering, until they came to pick him up to go for a battery of tests. He was trying to recall what the exact things were that Duncan had said about Tess, but it was all a little fuzzy. One thing though did stick with him – ‘You didn’t leave her alone, she left you alone’. He didn’t agree with Duncan. He had left Tess alone, but not because he fell ill, but because of not being in the moment with her anymore. Like all those times he came home, but wasn’t really present. Like when he stayed late in the police station to obsess over a case. Like when he was distanced at work out of an exaggerated need to stay professional.

And while they were wheeling him through the hospital, he made a decision. He was going to change things. He was going to take care of himself, his health, and he was going to take better care of their relationship. He loved Tess and the thought of them growing apart made his heart ache in a way that no pills could treat.


	11. CHAPTER 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks for reading. I’m glad that people seemed to enjoy meeting Duncan :-) This chapter is another which is a little dialogue heavy… Hardy gets to meet the cardiologist.

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 11**

Hardy endured whatever tests they threw at him. Sticky leads were being placed and then pulled of his chest again and again, and if he hadn’t been already sore, he would have protested more. Eventually he made it back to his room. He was wiping away the last bit of the gooey gel they had used for the echocardiography when Dr. Abbott came into the room, followed by an older male doctor.

Hardy eyed the new face. He was getting tired of meeting people, his natural inclination to stick to himself being challenged one too many times. He was dreading this conversation and by the look on the cardiologist’s face his hunch wasn’t so off.

“Hello Mr. Hardy. I’m Dr. Hamilton, but you can call me Geoffrey if that works better for. I’m the cardiology consultant working with Dr. Abbott.”

Hardy snorted and Dr. Abbott grinned.

“He doesn’t like using first names, I was told.”

Hardy glared at her. It wasn’t like as if he wasn’t in the room with them. Dr. Hamilton shrugged and pulled a chair over to his bed. He gestured for Dr. Abbott to do the same. ‘We have a lot to talk about’ she had said, and they sure were settling in for that.

“Are we waiting for your wife to come over? I hear your daughter is doing better.” Dr. Hamilton gave him a reassuring smile.

“No. Not my wife, just me for now.”

Hardy caught the quick glance that Dr. Hamilton shot to Dr. Abbott. He wondered if she had told him about her run in with Tess.

“Mr. Hardy, why don’t we start with you telling me what you know about your current health problem?”

Hardy swallowed. He didn’t really want to talk about it, but he guessed this was to judge his understanding. He was willing to play along, wrestling down the defiant feeling that was creeping up on him. He explained that he knew his heart had stopped, they had to do chest compressions, broke his rib and had to shock him twice in order to get his heart back. It already felt like a litany to him. He pointed out that he didn’t quite get though, why all of this was happening and possibly had been happening all along.

“Ah, a valid question. Let me back track a little before I answer the why. Can you remember the first time you might have had any symptoms such as dizziness, feeling out of breath, uncomfortably fast heart rate, feeling weak? It would help us to get a better idea of what we’re dealing with.”

Hardy thought about it. When he was honest with himself, he had felt out of shape since the end of last summer, but it had been getting worse the past few weeks. And the dizzy spells were new, just these past days. He shared the information with them.

“Have you ever fainted before in your life? As a teenager or later?”

He slowly nodded. “I used to pass out in church when getting up too fast after kneeling down. The other kids used to make fun of me. And as an adult I think there were a few times, don’t quite remember the circumstances, besides the birth of my daughter.”

Tess’ labor with Daisy had been long. He hadn’t eaten or slept in more than 36 hours and when she was finally born and he was holding her, he felt so overwhelmed by everything. All he remembered was an odd sensation, him barely able to hand the baby to the nurse before the room went dark around him. Tess never stopped making fun of him that he was one of those men who would pass out at the birth of their child. He endured the teasing.

Hardy frowned, his detective skills involuntarily kicking in. “Are you telling me that I’ve been having whatever this problem is all along, my whole life?” His voice was full of incredulity.

Dr. Hamilton nodded and leaned forward on his chair. He made sure he held Hardy’s eyes with his gaze.

“Yes. There is a high likelihood. We won’t be able to say for sure until we will be able to do an EP study on you and get the genetic testing back. But from what you’re telling me and from what we know so far, it’s more than just a possibility.”

Hardy had no idea what the bloody hell an EP study was, but the mention of genetic testing raised a very different fear in him.

“What do you mean by genetic testing? Daisy can’t have this problem, can she?” Panic was rising in him. What if he had made her sick after all? He couldn’t bear the thought.

Dr. Abbott must have noted his unease. She had moved closer and put a reassuring hand on his arm. 

“Listen to me. We don’t know yet for sure, you’re tests won’t be back until a few weeks from now. I had the pediatric ICU run a few ECGs on her and they all check out. So, it looks like she’s fine. Once we get your results back, we’ll worry about that then. Let’s focus on you for now, alright?”

“Dr. Abbott is right. No use in panicking before we even exactly know what we’re dealing with, ey?”

Hardy felt patronized. He pressed his lips together and scowled at them.

“Fine. Go on then.” His voice was rough with his Scottish accent.

Dr. Abbott gave his arm a gentle squeeze. She smiled at him, trying to make peace. Dr. Hamilton took a deep breath and Hardy braced himself for the bad news. What else could it be?

“When you collapsed your heart went into cardiac arrest. What that means it, it stopped beating properly and not pumping the blood out like it should. It was doing something that is called ventricular fibrillation or in short VFib. Basically the heart muscle doesn’t contract, it just quivers and no blood can be pumped out to the body. Are you following so far?”

Dr. Hamilton gave him an inquisitive look. Hardy thought he understood although it was so hard to wrap his mind around the fact that his heart just had given out on him like that. Doesn’t that only happen to old people? He wished he could get up and pace up and down. The trapped feeling that had been building throughout the day was getting stronger by the minute.

His chin tucked to his chest, he crossed his arms over his chest and mumbled, “I think so.”

And then after a moment of silence he added, “So, why did that happen then?”

Dr. Hamilton straightened himself up. “Ah, that’s the question, isn’t it? This is where I come in. You should know I’m not just a regular cardiologist, I’m a specialist for heart arrhythmias, abnormal heart rates and such.”

Hardy seemed unimpressed. Up until a few days ago, he barely knew what the difference between an internist and cardiologist was, let alone had he any idea that there were people out there who devoted their life to knowing about the intricacies of what makes the human heart tick. Usually those experts called themselves shrinks and didn’t throw around words like cardiac arrest or ventricular fibrillation. He huffed and the furrow on his forehead became even deeper. 

“That’s great for you then. Is that supposed to tell me something?” He was getting impatient and his temper wasn’t holding up very well.

Another glance was exchanged between the two doctors. It was brief but Hardy could have sworn the meaning must have been something along the lines of ‘I told you so.’

_Bloody hell_. He wished they’d just cut to the chase.

Dr. Hamilton all but sighed.

“Mr. Hardy. I can see you’re getting impatient. But this is a complicated matter and we do need you to absolutely understand the situation and that’s why we are taking our time, making sure you follow everything. I believe you have a rare, but extremely serious form of heart arrhythmia, something called Long QT-Syndrome. It predisposes the person who has it to develop an attack of VFib, go into cardiac arrest and die of what we call ‘sudden cardiac death’. Just like you did, or would have if you hadn’t been in a hospital.”

That sobered him up. Hardy felt empty. All impatience was gone and his mind was blank. He had forbidden himself to believe that this was a serious matter until he heard it from the doctors. But now there was no more hiding.

His voice was devoid of any emotion when he asked, “Am I going to die then?”

“Not quite yet. There is no question that this is a serious potentially life-threatening condition, however the fact that you’ve made it until now makes me think that you might have a milder variant. A lot of people with this problem die very young, Mr. Hardy.” Dr. Hamilton’s voice was surprisingly soft, empathy shining through.

Hardy’s mind drifted back to Daisy and the possibility of her being affected as well. He pushed the thoughts away. He dragged his hands over his face and took a deep breath. He had made a promise to himself to take care of his health, so he might as well start now.

“So, can you fix me then?”

The answer was more than just sobering. It was a slap in the face.

“No. Or at least not completely. But there are treatments and you might need a pacemaker and ICD device.”

“A pacemaker, seriously?” He spat the word out like as if it was arsenic.

“It’s not as big a deal as you might think, Mr. Hardy. And we don’t even know yet if you would need one. We would need the EP study for that first.”

He growled, “What’s a bloody EP study?”

It felt good to be angry, just for the sake of it, at nothing in particular.

“It’s a procedure that looks in detail at the electric activity in the heart that regulates the heartbeat. It’s done in the cardiac cath lab. But we can’t do that yet as you just survived a cardiac arrest. We have to wait a few weeks until you’re recovered. Less risky then.”

Hardy groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t quite face the fact how frightening this all sounded. He didn’t want to be scared, he wanted to be strong, but this was getting worse and worse. He wished he’d had Tess here after all, that he wasn’t so alone right now. He could feel his anxiety overwhelming him and just as if to mock him, the bloody heart monitor went off. The now more and more familiar empty feeling in his chest settled in again and the room started spinning.

Dr. Abbott’s gentle voice filtered through to him. “Do you remember what you did last time you felt like this?”

Why was she quizzing him? Wasn’t it her job to help him? Then he remembered – the pills, he was supposed to take the pills if he felt this way.

“Pills… supposed to take them.” He barely could speak.

“Splendid, you figured it out. Here they are.” And she put the pills in his hand together with some water.

He struggled to swallow them down, but still managed to do so. After a few minutes his body responded as it was expected to. But his mind didn’t. The weariness was strong. He shifted in the bed and winced when his ribcage reminded him again of his failing body. He scratched his growing stubble – he really wanted to bloody shave so badly – and tried to pull himself together.

When he felt that his voice wouldn’t betray him, he finally found solace in sarcasm.

“So, am I going to see the light now every time I get upset? Because that would be rather inconvenient, I’m known to have a temper.”

Dr. Hamilton grinned. “I can see that, Mr. Hardy. To be honest with you, I don’t know yet. Once we find the right combination of your oral medications we will know more. We hope we can control the symptoms, but to be frank, we might not be able to. That’s where the pacemaker comes in. And of course life-style changes.”

Hardy squinted his eyes. He brushed his tongue over his teeth.

“What do you mean by _‘life-style changes’_?” Skepticism was dripping of his voice.

Dr. Abbott jumped in before her colleague could answer. “You’ll have to avoid triggers. And watch out for your overall well-being. Like eat healthy, no fatty foods, not too much salt, get enough sleep, those kinds of things.”

Hardy was eyeing her from below. A nagging suspicion was taking hold.

“What do you mean specifically by triggers?”

She tried to be as cheerful as she could. He was too perceptive to not pick up on that.

“Here are the rules: no caffeine, no alcohol, make sure you’ll watch your diet to eat enough foods with potassium. No unnecessary exertion and trying not to get startled by sudden noises such as alarm clocks. Certain sports are not advisable, for example swimming.”

She paused and tried to gage his reaction so far. He already knew what was coming next. His face was a stoic mask trying to hide his inner turmoil.

“And you’ll really have to avoid stress – physical and especially emotional. These can be the strongest triggers to provoke an attack.” There was sadness in her eyes.

Hardy rolled his eyes. “Seriously? You know what I do for a living, ey? I’m a bloody homicide detective. How am I supposed to avoid _‘emotional distress’_?” His last words came out so sharp they could have killed someone.

Dr. Hamilton’s face was dead serious. “Well, Mr. Hardy, I’m sorry to put it to you like this, but you might have to consider a career change if you don’t want this job to literally kill you.”

There was silence in the room, only measured out by the quiet sounds of the monitor reflecting his treacherously regular heartbeat.

Hardy’s voice was hollow. “I think I would like to be alone.”

His eyes found Dr. Abbott’s. He could see she was sharing his pain as much as she could. His desire to hide was stronger than his need to find consolation. He could tell she didn’t feel comfortable leaving him alone.

He pleaded. “Can we talk more later? Please?”

She finally gave in. “Alright. I’ll come back in a bit to discuss your current treatments and the plan for what to do when you get discharged.”

She moved in for her usual shoulder squeeze. He did find comfort in it. “And we’ll move you to the regular ward later on. So you can actually go see Daisy on your own. No more cunning escape plans, right?” She smiled encouragingly, trying to leave him on a positive note.

He nodded quietly. “Thank you.”

And of course he would feel guilty for making her sad, so he added, attempting to sound as positive as he could, “I’ll better come up with a good explanation for Daisy why I all of a sudden prefer decaf tea. Suggestions are welcome.” He smiled at her but it didn’t reach his eyes.

She chuckled. “I’ll think of something. I’ll be back in a bit. Take your time.”

After she left he blankly stared out of the window. His thoughts were racing and he wasn’t able to focus on anything. The words of the doctors danced through his mind, bits and pieces surfacing randomly and not falling into place. He wiped down his face with his hands and rolled over to his side, the pain of the broken rib throbbing through his body. He pulled up his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. Silent sobs were shaking his torso until his exhausted mind finally drifted off into a fitful sleep.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, I took the leap of faith and gave Hardy’s problem a name. From what I can gather from the show, this type of arrhythmia fits the best. I’m trying to be as medically correct, but then this is fiction and there will always be some liberties, but it’s mostly correct. I just wanted to give his problem a solid background, so we can understand how profound it really changes everything for him. Hope it won’t put people off.


	12. CHAPTER 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks for all the comments about last chapter. And thanks for still sticking with the story. Alec finally gets to go back to Daisy…

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 12**

 Hardy was woken up when the nurses came to move him to the regular ward. His eyes felt puffy and he had a headache. He wasn’t sure if he felt relieved or scared now that he was unhooked from the monitors. The new reality of having a bloody heart condition – _God, how he hated that word_ – was still sinking in. He scratched his chest were the sticky leads had left a sore spot. And for a moment he let his hand linger over his steadily beating heart. He chewed on his lip and came to a decision.

His urge to leave was stronger than ever and all he really wanted was to be with Daisy. He managed to make his way to the bathroom without help and turned on the water in the shower. Tess had brought him some new clothes. Nothing to shave with though. He sighed. Scratching his itchy chin he stepped under the warm stream of the steaming hot shower. His head was hanging down, water dripping from his auburn hair, rinsing away some of the grief and sorrow of the last days. His muscles relaxed and he took in a long breath and let it out slowly. His rib cage didn’t feel quite as sore. He wasn’t sure how long the water was running over his tired body, but when he eventually had cleaned himself up, he felt better than in a while.

He struggled a little with getting the grey T-shirt over his head, the broken rib protesting with the movement. He put on the sweat pants and blue jumper that Tess had brought. He eyed the pills that the nurse had left on the night stand. He assumed he was supposed to take them now and so he did, getting better at ignoring the chalky, bitter taste. He still didn’t even know what the medication was called but he didn’t care for the moment.

He didn’t bother talking to anyone, when he left his room and made his way to the pediatric ICU. This time they buzzed him in without any hesitation and he was in for a surprise when he finally made it to Daisy’s room.

They had removed the breathing tube, replacing it with an oxygen cannula in her nose. She was not awake, but her breathing was steady and she looked like she was peacefully sleeping instead of lifeless. He felt wobbly all of a sudden, overcome by the relief. He steadied himself against the door frame, taking some breaths as deep as his broken rib would allow him.

“Alec! What are you doing here?” Tess had come into the room behind him and was clearly not expecting him there.

He jumped with her sharp voice and was worried for a moment his heart would betray him. But after a quick burst, his heart rate returned to a steady beat. A hopeful thought flickered through his mind. Maybe the medication was going to be all he needed? He shoved his worries aside and lowered himself slowly on a chair next to Daisy’s bed.

“They moved me to the regular ward. No more monitors.” And with a glance at Daisy, he asked, “When did they take it out?”

“A couple of hours ago. She did well. She’s still sedated but they think she’ll wake up more and more now.”

Tess didn’t look at him. His next question was sharper than he intended, thick with his Scottish accent and laced with a hurt feeling that he would have preferred to hide.

“Were you gonna tell me about it? It’s not like I’m out of the country, you know.”

“Seriously, Alec? You want to act like a child, be my guest, but don’t do it in front of Daisy. She’s been through enough. Last thing she needs is to wake up to her parents arguing.” She shot him a piercing glance, eye brow raised and lips drawn to a line.

He dragged his hands over his face. He was out of line and he knew it, but too much had happened today and he had nothing left to rail in his temper. And he couldn’t stop himself from making things worse.

“Oi, thanks for the guilt trip. Made my day. Anything else you care to reprimand me about? Maybe another round of how I dared to leave you alone while having a bloody heart attack?”

His breathing was getting rugged and he was vaguely aware that this was not a sound path of action. But his temper had a firm hold over him now, channeling all the stress and emotional turmoil into a rather dark avenue. His voice was rough and he spat out the words without thinking about them.

“You didn’t even know they had moved me. Do you even care? About me? Maybe my heart should have just given out on me altogether, sounds like you’d be better off without me anyways.”

As soon as it had slipped through his lips he realized what he had said. She looked positively hurt, but at the same time there was disgust in her eyes. He couldn’t help but agree that he deserved it. He dragged himself up and took a few unsteady steps towards her.

“ ‘M sorry, love. I…”

“Oh, don’t you dare ‘love’ me.” Her voice wasn’t angry, but rather devoid of any emotion and so cold.

“I would throw you out of the room, but I know you haven’t seen Daisy all day long and I’d be damned if I dragged her into this. I’m going to leave and you can think about what you’ve just said. When you feel like not being a total arsehole, then maybe we can continue this conversation.”

She gave Daisy a kiss on the forehead and left without another word or look at him. Hardy sank down on Daisy’s bed, all energy gone. He grabbed the unicorn he had left there and curled his fingers tightly into its fluffy purple hair. He wished he could take back his words, undo the damage. He leaned onto the foot rest of the bed and closed his eyes. He was not going to cry again, too many tears already spilled, but he was damn bloody close to it. He felt deflated and cornered. He should have told Tess what was going on with him, but instead of sharing he had lashed out. And now she had left him. Left him with the bitter taste of something broken that might be hard to mend.

He squeezed the unicorn again and whispered into its ragged ears, “Don’t tell Daisy, please. About her stupid Dad and his temper. Tell her I love her mother, more than anything.”

His eyes were dry, no more tears left to shed, although he sure felt like it. He got up and settled into a chair, as close to Daisy as he could be. He sat there, holding her hand, trying not to think about anything until a very irate Dr. Abbott stormed into the room.

“I said nothing reckless and you abscond at the first opportunity. Not a smart choice, Mr. Hardy. Not at all.” Her eyes were wild and she was clearly mad at him.

_Bollocks_ , he sure had a hand today with the female half of the human race.

 

* * *

 

Dr. Abbott’s arms were crossed over her chest and she was sporting a deep furrow. Hardy ducked under her piercing glare. Her voice was much calmer than he would have expected, but that made it worse in a way.

“I am truly disappointed, Mr. Hardy. I believed we had a deal, but I can see you have no real interest in giving this issue the attention that it requires. As I said before, I don’t care for people who are reckless, professionally and…”

She hesitated for a moment, then added, “… and personally as well. I understand you wanted to see your daughter, but seriously just leaving like that was unnecessary. You could have just _asked_ or at least let somebody know where you’re going. Nothing wrong with that. You do understand that they had security searching half the hospital for where you could have ended up, do you?”

His face was burning and he nervously scratched his beard. He looked intently at the unicorn that was still placed in his lap.

With a thin voice he apologized. “ ‘M sorry. Didn’t mean to cause trouble. I didn’t really think it through.”

He rubbed the back of his head and gave her a sheepish upward glance, still not daring to look her into the eyes. His other hand was clutching the unicorn.

She tilted her head, crossed her arms behind her back and leaned her shoulder against the wall.

“Mr. Hardy, I just have one question for you.”

The seriousness in her voice made him tense up. He braced himself for whatever soul searching she was going to throw at him and found her eyes. They were just as somber as she had sounded, although… maybe there was something else as well?

“Is that indeed a stuffed purple unicorn in your lap?” Her face didn’t flinch a bit.

He was dumbfounded and his mouth gaped open. Did she just ask him in all earnestness if he was holding a stuffed animal after she gave him a bollocking?

“What did you just say?” Maybe he was going mad. She just couldn’t have, could she?

Her face still utterly serious, she repeated the question. “I asked, if that is indeed a stuffed purple unicorn in your lap. Go on, answer."

He opened his mouth, then closed it at a loss for what to say. He squinted his eyes. Skeptically he answered, “Aye, indeed it is. It’s my daughter’s. Is that a problem?”

“So, if it’s your daughter’s why are you cuddling with it then?”

Feeling defensive, he was quick to reply, “I wasn’t cuddling…”

Then he saw her face that was finally barely hiding her amusement.

_Right, detective, way to go reading other people’s faces._ He couldn’t believe he had fallen for it.

She couldn’t keep a straight face when the next words left her mouth.

“Looks a little worse for the wear. Just like you. Is it still fluffy enough for your taste though?”

She ducked and giggled when he threw the unicorn at her. He couldn’t help but smile. And when she gave it back to him all hard feelings from before where gone.

 

* * *

 

Hardy went over to the family room with Dr. Abbott while the unicorn was holding watch. Daisy’s nurse had reassured him she wouldn’t wake up yet, but he didn’t want to go too far.

Dr. Abbott gave him all the detailed instructions about his new routine of medications he would need to take. There was one set of pills to be taken as precisely as possible every eight hours, not a dose to be missed. Then there was another set of pills, the bitter, chalky ones, that he should carry with him at all times and take whenever he felt an attack coming on. She advised him to make sure to have a stash of pills not only at various locations in his home but also in his office, his car and wherever else he went on a regular basis.

She also strongly recommended a medical alert bracelet in case he passed out somewhere, so people would know what to do for him. He wasn’t so sure about that. He didn’t want to draw any attention to his condition. He flinched at the word. They then went over all the life-style changes again.

No caffeine, no alcohol, avoid loud and sudden noises like alarm clocks – he couldn’t help but think about all the times he got woken up by the phone in the middle of the night.

No fatty foods, no salty foods, eat heart-healthy things – he shuddered at the thought of salad and decaf tea.

No unnecessary exertion and no strenuous exercise. Certain sports such as swimming, especially in cold water were off limits. When she started to talk about sex being considered strenuous activity and therefore he should be rather cautious with it, he about had it.

He snorted, exasperation fighting sarcasm in his voice. “So, best I’d become a vegetarian, abstinent monk in a secluded monastery with no church bells to avoid sudden noises. _Fan-bloody-tastic._ I’m looking forward to that.”

She gave him a guilty look. He rolled his eyes and stared out the glass doors of the family room.

“There is one more thing, Mr. Hardy.”

She seemed uncharacteristically uncomfortable bringing it up. He assumed it would be about his work. She deliberately had refrained from discussing his job so far, but he had been prepared for it.

“You shouldn’t be driving.”

_“What?”_ That sure wasn’t what he had expected.

“You shouldn’t be driving. At least not until we are more reassured that the medications will prevent you from having frequent attacks. It’s not safe. For you and anyone else involved.”

“That’s a joke, yes? How am I supposed to do my job without being able to drive?”

Work aside, he _liked_ driving. It helped him to relax, clear his thoughts. He couldn’t believe he wouldn’t be able to get behind a wheel. He hated his life so much right there and then.

“I’m really sorry about that. I can’t force you not to. At least not at this point as the final diagnosis is not in yet. But once we have confirmed everything and have seen how you are doing, we might have to be stricter about it. For now, it would be our strong recommendations to not drive.”

He nodded silently and moved stiffly in his seat. As much as he appreciated Dr. Abbott’s straightforward manner, he had reached his limits.

“Is that all then? I think I would like to go back to Daisy.”

Dr. Abbott stood up. She was already halfway out the door, when she turned around and looked him straight in the eyes. Her face was sad but not without determination.

Quietly she said, “My father died of a form of chronic lung disease. He had a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that his body wasn’t what it used to be anymore. He was stubborn, bargaining the whole time. He tried to hide things initially. Until he couldn’t anymore. Eventually, he was able to accept taking medications, needing oxygen and being able to do less and less things. But he never could get over the fact that he could have had a more meaningful time with his family if he had shared earlier on, if he had let us in. Don’t make the same mistake, Alec.”

And for once his name didn’t sound wrong to him, but was an echo of love and caring, just like it should be.


	13. CHAPTER 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks for all the comments and for reading the story. It’s encouraging and makes me happy. For those who are wondering… there will be a PART TWO to this story - all about SANDBROOK. For now, it’s Chapter 13 where Alec spends the night at Daisy’s side… and the unicorn is not the only thing that’s fluffy :-)

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 13**

 

Hardy saw no reason to go back to his room on the ward for now. He had taken his pills and after the conversation with Dr. Abbott, he lost all appetite for any food they could offer. Defiance was settling in and he resented the extent to what his life was supposed to change. He contemplated signing himself out and be released from the hospital, but he knew that this might be the end of his relationship with Dr. Abbott. And that was something he did not want to risk, not right now, when there was nobody else he could rely on.

He was slowly pacing through Daisy’s room. He itched to take a walk but his restlessness did not win over his need to stay with his daughter. He finally slumped down on the pullout chair. The sheets and pillow had a spring meadow smell to it, a stark reminder of Tess’ presence. It was dark outside now and his gaze drifted over the cars in the dimly lit parking lot. He fumbled for his phone. No messages or missed calls from Tess, like he knew there wouldn’t be. She wouldn’t be the first to break the silence, she never did when they had had a fight.

He typed in some words, then erased them, tried again. He stared at the screen. He really didn’t know what to say. What he had thrown at Tess, however harsh and overly dramatic it had been, it was a true reflection of his feelings. He _was_ hurt that she seemed so distanced during the last few days. He briefly wondered if Daisy hadn’t been ill, if Tess had been the same. He didn’t want to know the answer to this question.

What a fucking day this had been. He hated that he couldn’t even find consolation in the fact that Daisy was getting better, that she was going to wake up soon. His face was drawn into a deep scowl. He balled his hands to fists and resisted the tears of anger trying to escape his weary eyes. He sucked in a few breaths and clambered out of the chair. There was no rest for him. He resumed his slow pacing through the room.

His phone buzzed and he almost tripped over his own feet trying to get to it. His shoulders slumped when he realized it wasn’t Tess but Baxter. He hesitated, let it buzz for a few rings and collected himself. Then he picked up.

“Hardy, finally I can get a hold of someone in this family.”

Baxter’s voice was booming through the phone. He was annoyed.

“What the bloody hell is going on with you lot? Neither you nor Tess have been answering calls, not even a text for the past couple of days. Is Daisy alright?”

Annoyance had turned into concern. Baxter was rather fond of Daisy. When he met her for the first time when she was still a small child, he was smitten by the little bright eyed lively girl that so clearly had her Dad wrapped around her finger. He didn’t care so much for her mother, but he cared for her father and that made him tolerate Tess. Hardy was very much aware that his superior and friend wasn’t Tess’ biggest fan, but that never had influenced their relationship, not at work or otherwise. He felt grateful for that.

Hardy cleared his throat. Before he could even answer, Baxter cut in.

“Are _you_ alright? Any more panic attacks?”

_God_ , the man sure didn’t have his reputation as fierce interrogator for nothing. He also wasn’t the most patient man.

“Hardy, are you going to say something, or what?”

“Oi, you’re not letting me,” Hardy replied sulking.

“For God’s sake, stop acting like a child and talk to me. Or do you want me to come over?”

_Hell no_ , that was the last thing Hardy wanted. Baxter would immediately see through Hardy’s feeble attempts at hiding what was going on with him. He wasn’t ready to face him yet.

“Have you two been arguing again? Is that why you are even more tight-lipped than usual?”

_How does he do that?_ Hardy was cursing his boss’ perceptiveness. But he also gave him a way out, one that as painful as it was to admit to was the lesser of two evils.

“Aye. We have.”

Hardy plopped on a chair and barely managed to silence a moan when a stabbing sensation shot through his chest. It didn’t escape Baxter’s attention. But his interpretation couldn’t have been farther off.

“Hardy, you’re not crying, are you? Because that would really make me want to come over.”

“No, not crying. No need for you to come and be all cuddly.” He tried to sound as gruff as possible, deflecting any idea of being upset. It might have just worked.

“Fine. Suit yourself. I was just offering. Sometimes it doesn’t hurt to have a friend around, you know?”

Baxter sounded just the slightest bit hurt. Hardy felt bad. He didn’t want to offend him. At least Baxter cared about him. Not like his wife. He swallowed hard, best not to think about Tess right now. He felt the urge to make up for his gruffness.

“ ‘M sorry. Didn’t mean it that way. It’s been a really long day,” Hardy sighed.

“It’s alright, Hardy. I’ve been there, believe me, I know how it gets.”

There was warmth and empathy in his friend’s voice, and Hardy finally relaxed. And with that, exhaustion was washing over him taking the walls he had built around him with it. He felt vulnerable and way more emotional than he was willing to admit. He closed his eyes and tried to keep his voice level.

“Daisy’s better. She had to have emergency surgery yesterday…“ He trailed off.

_God, had it really only been a day?_ He took in a deep breath. Baxter was silent at the other end, giving him time to compose himself.

“She’s got a drain in her belly, but it helped. They took out the breathing tube earlier today, she’s going to wake up soon. At least that’s what they said.”

Baxter’s relief was audible. “That’s great news. She’s a tough girl.” He paused.

“So, how are you holding up then? And don’t give me that ‘M fine’ bullshit, I know you better than that.”

Hardy was chewing his lip. He really wanted to tell his friend, but he was also his boss and the thought of being prevented from doing his job was unbearable. He felt lonely, more so than he had in a long time. He settled for a half truth. His words came out slowly and with great hesitation.

“It’s been… tiring. Tess feels like I left her alone and I can’t even blame her for that. I had to…” He was wrecking his mind for a good way to put it. “… take a break when Daisy went for surgery. The doctors asked me to step away. Too much _‘emotional distress’_.”

He managed to put the right amount of contempt in his words for Baxter to believe what he said. At least he sure hoped so.

“I see.” Worry was creeping into Baxter’s voice. “Alec, I meant what I said the other day. You have to take care of yourself in a situation like this. You tend to get wrapped up in stuff and then be reckless. Nobody is being helped if you keel over because you’re wearing yourself to the ground. The least of all Daisy. Are you better now that she’s coming around?”

“Aye.”

Baxter didn’t quite buy Hardy’s monosyllabic answer. He scoffed in exasperation. He was getting irritated.

“Really? Because you sure don’t sound like it. Sounds more like the Scottish version of ‘M fine’ to me. I don’t quite get why you think you have to bull shit me, but then I also know you. God, Alec, you can be such a wanker at times. Unbelievable.”

Hardy could practically see him shake his head. Feeling antsy, he got up from the chair, put a hand on his lean hip and started pacing again. With a low growl he confessed.

“Fine. You’re right, I’ve been better.” That was the understatement of the year.

“But it’s getting better. _I_ am getting better. I’m trying, Ed, really. I promise to take care of myself.”

He was sincere, although Baxter didn’t know the extent of the silent promise in Hardy’s head. He was going to get well and get a handle on things. He just needed to catch his breath after Daisy got out of the hospital. Baxter seemed appeased with his words.

“Good. That’s all I needed to hear. Take your time. Have you thought about when you want to come back to work? There’s no rush, just have to know for the paperwork.”

Hardy hadn’t. He realized he had lost track of time, didn’t even know what day of the week it was. Maybe Saturday? He had no clue. He rubbed the back of his head.

“Dunno. Haven’t really thought about it. Erm, what day is it today anyways? Saturday?”

Baxter laughed. “You’re really out of it, aren’t you? It’s Friday evening. How about you let me know on Sunday evening if you’re coming back at least for a few hours or so. A little distraction might not hurt you. That is if you feel up to it.”

Hardy snorted. “I’m not an invalid, you know. Should be able to do my job.”

Baxter’s voice was all the boss now. “We’ll see to that. As you know I don’t let anyone work when they are not up for it. Not worth it. And not safe either. No exceptions, _DI_ Hardy.”

“Aye, _sir_.”

Hardy hoped the tension he was feeling wasn’t seeping into his voice. If or rather when – Hardy wasn’t delusional about his boss’ abilities to sniff out secrets – Baxter would find out about what was going on with him, he’d sure be out of his job.

“Call me on Sunday then. I’m expecting to hear from you. No more dodging calls. Give Daisy a kiss from me. So long, Hardy.” And he hung up the phone before Hardy could even mumble a thank you and good bye.

 

* * *

 

Daisy was still sleeping and he hadn’t heard from Tess if she was planning on coming back. He was too wound up to ask her. He might as well spend the night in Daisy’s room. It was nearing midnight. Taking Dr. Abbott’s instructions to heart, he briefly went back to his room, made sure he had taken all his pills that he was supposed to and let the nurses know where he would be. They were not happy but it was not negotiable.

He returned to Daisy’s room and settled in for the night. The pullout chair was too short and his long legs were sticking out from under the sheet. His neck and his rib were hurting. Eventually fatigue won and he dozed off into a fitful slumber.

He woke from Daisy moaning in her sleep. She was moving around and seemed rather uncomfortable. Alarmed, he scrambled to his feet and took her hand.

“Daisy, darlin’. Dad’s right here.” His voice was rough with sleep and worry. She didn’t open her eyes, but she had quieted down a little. He contemplated calling the nurse, but then had another idea.

He pulled up the chair, closer to her head. His long fingers traced her hair and face. He leaned over, ignoring the pain it was causing him, and gently kissed her forehead. He lingered longer than usual with his eyes firmly pressed shut. His lips moved from her forehead to her ear, his cheek resting against hers.

And very quietly, with his voice trembling, he began to sing.

_“Somewhere over the rainbow way up high_   
_There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby_   
_Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue_   
_And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true”_

He hadn’t sang to her in so many years. He used to every night while she was a baby and toddler. It was part of their night time routine. She would request a song and he had to repeat it over and over again until she would fall asleep. He wasn’t really a good singer, but it didn’t matter to his little girl. The “Rainbow Song” was her favorite tune, easing her into the land of dreams, making all the little childhood worries go away. And more than once he would continue to sing even after she had fallen asleep, overcome by the strong love he was feeling for this child, trying to forget all the horrid things he could imagine could happen to her. He would hold her, comforting himself as much as her, and sing the words or just as often hum the melody as he tended to forget the lyrics beyond the first verse.

But tonight he remembered them all and with a now steady voice, he went on.

_“Someday I'll wish upon a star_   
_And wake up where the clouds are far_   
_Behind me”_

His pleasant baritone rose with the melody and Daisy snuggled into his gentle embrace.

_“Where troubles melt like lemon drops_   
_Away above the chimney tops_   
_That's where you'll find me”_

He struggled to go on, tears flowing over his cheeks, but he was determined to finish the song for her.

_“Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly_   
_Birds fly over the rainbow. Why then, oh, why can't I?_   
_If happy little bluebirds fly_   
_Beyond the rainbow why, oh, why can't I?”_

He kissed her hair and had to suppress a sob of relief when he heard her mumble sleepily, “Again Dad.”

He cupped his mouth with his hand, drawing in a deep breath through his nose. He swallowed hard and tried to banish the tremble from his voice when he began again.

_"Somewhere over the rainbow way up high_   
_There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby…”_

In the end, he sang himself to sleep, long after Daisy had settled down. He was slumped against her bed, his head resting against the unicorn and his hand firmly laced into Daisy’s. And this was how Daisy found him when she woke up in the morning.


	14. CHAPTER 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope you enjoyed the last chapter :-) I apologize for all the unicorn fluff, I have no self-control. Daisy wakes up and Alec needs to face his new reality… Thanks for still sticking with the story. I promise, soon that wedding will actually happen ;-)

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 14**

“Dad. Dad!”

He jolted awake, his heart immediately stuttering, but after few unsteady beats, it found its rhythm. He was groggy and couldn’t quite place his surroundings. He squinted into the day light. His neck was stiff and there was a dull throbbing pain in his side.

“Dad, why are you drooling on Lotti?”

Daisy’s voice was hoarse but with her unmistakable challenging undertone that she reserved for her daft father. _God_ , how much had he missed this in the past days.

He propped himself up, eyeing the unicorn Lotti – Daisy had never been able to pronounce the full name Violetta she had given the treasured purple animal as a small child. His face was wrinkled where he had slept on the toy, an imprint of its horn engraved on his cheek.

Gruffly he answered, “ ‘M not drooling.” He dragged his hands through his hair which was sticking up in all directions.

“Sure you are. Look at her. Her fur is all matted.”

She tried to sit up and grab the animal, but winced in pain and fell back to her pillow. She groaned and it took Hardy all will power not to tear up. She was awake, he reminded himself.

“Bloody hell, what happened?”

“Oi, language Daisy.” His scolding was only halfhearted as he couldn’t blame her for the outburst.

“Really, Dad? You look just as shitty as I feel and you’re lecturing me about language. Better explain to me what happened, maybe I can remember how to behave then.”

She gave him a challenging glare, her eyebrows drawn to a scowl.

“Right. Sorry, darlin’.”

His thoughts were racing. How was he going to explain things to her without scaring her too much? He wished her mother was here to help. He decided to not color the truth. He wouldn’t want that and he was certain neither did she. Baxter was right, she was a tough girl.

“Remember that morning you got really sick? I had to take you to the hospital. You passed out and had to have surgery.”

Her eyes were growing wide, she looked anxious. He took her hand again and rubbed her palm. He hoped his smile was reassuring enough.

She quietly asked, “What for?”

“You had something called appendicitis and it made you really, really ill. There was a bad infection in your belly. They had to do surgery to clean it out.”

“Oh.” She chewed on her lip and then peeked under the sheet. Her voice sounded panicked when she discovered the drain.

“What’s that, Dad?” She looked at him wide eyed and clearly scared now.

He tenderly stroked her head, smiling, his eyes soft and loving. 

“It’s alright, darlin’. It’s a drain to clean out all the nasty stuff in your belly, it’s not staying though, just temporary.”

“How long does it have to stay in? It hurts.” She shifted uncomfortably under her covers. His heart was melting and he realized that he didn’t even know. He hadn’t spoken to any doctors since before his collapse.

“I’m not sure. But I promise to find out.” He reached for the call button. “I’ll get your nurse so that she can do something about the pain. Alright, darlin’?”

She nodded. Then she tilted her head, shoving her pillow behind her head, and looked him up and down. There was a question in her eyes.

“So, what happened with you then? You look like something the cat dragged in. And what’s with the _beard_ , Dad? Are you trying to scare little kids?”

“Oi, thanks for that. It’s not that bad.” He dragged his hands over the stubbles. She gave him a skeptical look. Her lips curled up to a smile, for the first time since she had woken up.

“I guess if you’re planning on joining the hipster folks, you’ll do just fine.” Her smile grew bigger with his exasperated huff.

“You might not look halfway bad in those skinny jeans actually, dunno about the plaid flannel shirts though. Not quite your style. And you’d have to lose the tie.” She was beaming by now.

Hardy couldn’t help himself, and ignoring broken rib and abdominal drain, he scooped her up and hugged her tightly, burying his face in her neck. His voice was muffled, but not too muffled to hide the fact that it was braking up.

“Oh, darlin’, I missed you.”

He could feel her arms coming around his waist and gently rubbing his back. And for the first time since he’d almost died, he was able to find comfort and solace in another human beings embrace. His chest was heaving with rugged breaths.

“It’s alright, Dad. I’m here, everything’s fine. But I swear, if you don’t shave that bloody beard you’ll lose cuddling privileges.”

Chuckling, he released her from his arms and gave her an extra scratchy kiss on the forehead. She squirmed. He scrubbed over his chin and curled his lips into a mischievous grin. He grabbed the unicorn and rubbed his face in it.

She growled and managed to snatch it out of his hand but only to throw it back at him when he said, “Dunno, Lotti seems to quite like it.”

He clumsily caught it making a face at her – more to hide the pain that the sudden movement had caused than anything else. They both laughed and he hugged her again. This time for longer, calmly and without any words.

 

* * *

 

Elated by the fact that Daisy was awake and sound, Hardy called Tess. It went to voice mail. Annoyed, he hung up. He then immediately dialed the number again, this time trying to behave like an adult and leaving a message with the good news. He had told Daisy he needed to call her mother and would be right back. Truth be told, that was not his only motivation to sneak out. He had lost track of time, but was sure that he probably was late taking his pills. He wasn’t sure if it was in his imagination or real, but he did feel his heart beating more irregularly than it had been last night.

He made his way back to his own hospital room and tried to hunt down his nurse. She wasn’t very thrilled that he had missed his medications. She made him wait in his room and came back with not only the pills, but dragging along some piece of medical equipment.

He frowned. “What’s this?”

The nurse was ripping open a packet with the familiar sticky leads. “It’s an ECG machine, Mr. Hardy. We’re supposed to do this once per shift. To check your heart rhythm.”

The scolding undertone was becoming more obvious when she continued. “You didn’t give us a chance to do this last night, so I’m not letting you out of here before running it. Would you please lie down?”

When he didn’t move, she sighed and walked over to where he was sitting at the edge of the bed, his fingers impatiently tapping the mattress. 

“I’m serious, you’re not getting out of this room until I have the ECG strip in my hand. So, please, let me do this.” She tried to lift his T-shirt to place the sticky leads. Hardy had to restrain himself not to swat her hands away. He knew he was being unreasonable, but he was done with all of this. His child was waiting for him, all by herself, alone in this place, and he wasn’t going to keep her any longer than necessary. 

He growled with a low voice. “I don’t want you to do this. I need to get back to my daughter.”

He was about to stand up with every intention to leave when the door opened and in walked Dr. Abbott. The nurse looked positively relieved, muttered under her breath, “What took you so long?” and shot her an annoyed glance.

“Sorry. Got here as fast as I could.” She gave the nurse an apologetic smile which was all gone, when she turned to Hardy, who was eyeing her with a scowl and his lips firmly pressed into a line. His arms were crossed in front of his chest. He could not have looked more defiant.

“So, stirring up trouble again, Mr. Hardy? You probably could have been done already, if you would have let her do her job.”

Their mutual glares locked and a brief battle of wills ensued. He lost, again.

She took the stickers from the nurse and gestured for her to leave. She pushed him back onto the bed and with a smooth movement had lifted the shirt and started placing the stickers before he could even protest. She didn’t look at him, busing herself with setting up the machine. Her tone was deceivingly conversational, but her words were poignant.

“You know, I really wonder if you’ve actually heard anything we’ve been telling you these past days. Sick child or not. I’m only going to say this one more time. There is _no_ wiggle room here, Mr. Hardy. If you don’t collaborate, you _will_ die. Soon. If you make an effort to listen to what we have to say, you have a chance to see your daughter grow up. It’s as simple as that, nothing in between.”

She turned to look him in the eyes, a fierce plea in hers. “Your choice. I truly hope you make the right one.”

She ripped off the ECG print out with more force than needed and scrutinized it. She frowned.

“Did you take your medication this morning?”

Still shaken by her words, Hardy didn’t trust his voice. He weakly shook his head.

She took in a deep breath. “I can’t let you leave then. This doesn’t look good. I will have to hook you up to telemetry and see what happens when you take your pills.”

Hardy was breathing faster, anxiety rising. He felt trapped and overwhelmed by the situation. He pinched his nose, trying to come up with a plan.

“Please, don’t do that. I have to get back to Daisy, she just woke up. She’s scared and alone. Can’t I just take the medication and come back to get another test when her mother comes in? So that she won’t be by herself. Please?” He was begging her.

“I can’t do that Mr. Hardy. If I did that, it would be irresponsible of me. I have an obligation to you as my patient.” Her eyes wondered through the room and he could see the conflict on her face. She very hesitantly continued.

“However, if you were to sign yourself out, I wouldn’t have the same obligation anymore.”

There was a long pause where neither one of them said anything. Eventually she looked him straight in the eyes, her emotions playing over her face, not able to hide her inner turmoil.

“I could conceivable be persuaded to run your ECG in my clinic office, let’s say once a day while you stay in the hospital with your daughter. Not far from medical care, if you get what I mean.” _  
_

She then shook her head and rolled her eyes, more at herself than anything else. She let out an exasperated sigh. He didn’t say anything, anxiously waiting for her to come to terms with what she just had suggested.

She snorted. “I can’t believe I’m doing this. This is insane and utterly irresponsible.”

She pulled out a prescription pad from her lab coat pocket and penned in several scripts. When she handed them to him, her hands were slightly trembling. He cupped them in his and held her gaze.

“Thank you. I mean it. I know what I’m asking for.”

She didn’t draw her hands away. “Do you? Really? Because I need to know that you do. Because I couldn’t live with myself if you dropped dead as soon as you left this room.”

Her face was scrunched up and her eyes were moist. She let go of him and turned away. It took her a few deep breaths to compose herself. When she faced him again, her smile was wide and her eyes were sparkly.

“It’s really not fair that you’re Scottish, you know.”

That was not quite what he had expected. An idea of the answer forming in his head, he asked tenderly, “And why is that?”

“Because my Dad was too.”

_Ah,_ he’d thought so. This time it was his turn to put his hand on her shoulder. He gave her a gentle squeeze.

“He would have been proud of you, Emily.” And thinking of his own daughter, he gave her a gorgeous smile, the corner of his eyes crinkling up, before he left the room.

 

* * *

 

Hardy didn’t lose any time to sign all the papers that would release him against medical advice. He had the sneaking suspicion that the ward nurses were relieved to see him go. They gave him a sheet with all his medications written down and a few pills until he could get his own. Apparently, they had called ahead to the hospital pharmacy where his prescriptions would be ready later in the day.

Dr. Abbott had scribbled her mobile and her pager number on one of the scripts so he could get a hold of her if needed. He typed the numbers in his phone while waiting for the elevator. Still no word from Tess. He hoped that she’d received his message because Daisy would miss her mother. As much as he didn’t feel up to confronting her, he sure didn’t want any of their differences cloud Daisy’s recovery.

There was a text from Baxter reminding him that today was Saturday just in case he’d forgotten – _ha, very funny_ – and to call him on Sunday evening. He didn’t bother writing back. He was tapping the phone on his palm. Holding the intimidating instruction sheet in his hand, he pulled up the alarm function on the screen. Then closed it. He leaned against the wall next to the elevator and closed his eyes.

_Bloody hell_ , how was he going to keep this quiet? At least for now until Daisy was better. Tess was an astute observer and he had no doubt that she would figure out quickly that there was something going on with him. He shoved down the growing anxiety. What was worse though, was the nagging thought that she might actually not, that she wouldn’t see his struggle. And why did it feel so daunting having to share with her? He had no answers.

The elevator had come and gone several times. He took in a deep breath and pushed himself off the wall. He scratched his eye brow while he was slowly pacing in front of the metal doors. Absentmindedly, his hand went to straighten a tie that wasn’t there. He suddenly became very aware of the fact that he was in public in nothing but a T-Shirt and sweat pants, face gruff with a few day old stubble. His ears heated up, and he loathed the fact that he hadn’t been able to take better care of himself.

When the doors opened he stormed into the elevator, bumping into several people. Somebody called him a knob and he couldn’t blame them. This whole situation sure wasn’t going to bring out the best in him and he saw his already questionable reputation at work go downhill fast. He balled his hands into fists and tried to reign in his temper, but it was hard to not be angry at himself and his malfunctioning body.

He slowly opened the door to Daisy’s room and stopped dead in his tracks. Daisy and Tess were sticking their heads together and laughing over something in a magazine that Tess must have brought in. They didn’t notice him coming in. The unicorn was lying on the floor, fallen off the bed and forgotten. He stared at it. When he bent down carefully to pick it up, he didn’t know what hurt more – his broken rib or his broken heart.

He walked over to the bed and gently placed the stuffed animal at the foot of the bed. Daisy had finally noticed him and gave him a gorgeous smile. He smiled back, trying to not let onto his inner turmoil.

“Hi Alec. Thanks for the message.” Tess looked up at him with an apology in her blue eyes.

He couldn’t say anything, knowing his voice would betray him. He put his hand on her shoulder and gently rubbed his thumb over the grove above her collar bone. She leaned her cheek against his arm, closing her eyes.

“It’s good to have you back, Alec.”

Daisy observed them, clearly confused about what was going on between her mother and father.

“Did something happen?” She looked back and forth between the two, scrutinizing them.

Tess glanced at Alec and he silently pleaded with her to not say anything. He wasn’t ready to explain to his daughter that he almost had died while she was being rushed to surgery.

He found his voice, and managed to sound not to rough. “I lost my temper with your mother and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”

He lowered himself onto the bed, sitting closely behind Tess. He circled his arm around her waist, placing his hand over her belly button. She stiffened up ever so slightly but then eased into his embrace. He rested his chin on her shoulder, just breathing in and out, letting himself calm down, and trying to forget all the awful things of the past days.


	15. CHAPTER 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: As always, thank you for reading and commenting. Much appreciated. It’s a rather quiet chapter and I hope you can bear with me and the story taking its time. Alec gets to take a breath… before starting to pick up his life again in the next chapter…

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 15**

Daisy had fallen asleep and her parents used the opportunity to find a quiet place to talk.

“So, did they discharge you then?”

Tess was sitting opposite of him in the family lounge. Her tone reminded him very much of the interrogation room. He hadn’t had enough time to come up with a believable story, especially not faced with her who could see through him like glass.

He leaned forward on the sofa, his hands clasped together between his legs. His hesitation didn’t slip by her attention. 

“Alec, what’s going on? This isn’t anything serious is it?” There was fear in her voice and his stomach clenched.

He sighed and let his head fall down into his hands, dragging them over his face. He didn’t dare looking at her.

“I signed myself out against medical advice.”

She jumped to her feet and crossed the distance between them. She put her hand on his chin and made him look at her. She was livid.

“You did _what_? Why would you do such a stupid thing?”

Forced to look at her, he scrambled for an answer that might get him of the hook.

“They were letting me go tomorrow anyways. And they were alright with it as I was going to stay close.”

“And I’m supposed to believe this? Alec Hardy, you know you can’t lie to me, so you better revise your statement.”

She let go of him, paced up and down a few times, until she settled on leaning against the far wall, watching him intently. Her blue eyes saw right through him.

“Fine. I left because I needed to be with Daisy. After us arguing I just couldn’t leave her alone any more. Besides I’m better.” He glared at her and she glared back.

Her questions came like a rapid fire, just like she did at work.

“Answer me this then. How come they thought you still shouldn’t leave the hospital? What reason did they give you for your attack? What about need for treatment? Is there any damage to your heart? Will you have to see a specialist once discharged? Will you be able to do your job?”

The last question rattled Hardy’s already shaken composure. He felt very cornered. He could feel his heart rate going up, leaving him uncomfortably light headed. His breathing became heavier. He was supposed to take those pills in a situation like this but he really didn’t want Tess to know about it. The room starting spinning slowly.

_Bollocks,_ it was the pills versus passing out in front of her. He fumbled through the pockets of his sweat pants and found the blister pack. His hands were trembling too much to get them out. He felt Tess’ warm touch, cupping his hands, taking away the medication.

Her voice was calm. “Are you supposed to take those if you don’t feel well?” He nodded breathlessly.

“How many?” He held up two fingers. The room started closing in on him.

She pressed the two pills in one hand and a cup of water from the dispenser in the other. He managed to swallow them down. He leaned back on the sofa, taking deep breaths during those frightening minutes until the medication started working.

Tess watched him silently from across the room, waiting for him to recover. Once his vision was more focused he saw fear and concern playing over her face. Eventually, his heart rate returned to normal and his breathing evened out.

“You’re feeling better?” There was an impatient edge in her voice.

“Aye. Better.”

“When were you going to tell me that this wasn’t just a onetime thing? When you’ll pass out in front of Daisy perhaps?” She was angry, ready to lash out at him.

“Please, love. I’ll explain. It’s just the stress with Daisy being sick and all.”

“Do you think I’m stupid, Alec? Stress doesn’t cause your heart to stop. I don’t know why you have to play games with me but I’m really running out of patience here.” She spat the words out.

He rubbed his eyes with his fingers, pinching his nose. Head down, staring at the ground, he finally gave in and told her as much as he dared to reveal. He resented how defeated his voice sounded.

“It seems that I might be prone to passing out when I get very… “ He hoped the brief pause wouldn’t make her suspicious. “… emotional. Remember when I passed out when Daisy was born?” She nodded, her face impassive, waiting for his explanation.

“Same idea, just for a happy reason, not like this time.”

Before she could interrupt him or he could change his mind he put forth the lie. “They said because I hadn’t slept and eaten, my heart was more vulnerable to the stress. Something about electrolytes being out of balance and causing an abnormal heart rate. They don’t think it will happen again as long as I take care of myself.”

He searched for her eyes, trying to gage if she bought the lie. He was fighting hard to not let his feelings of betrayal show on his face. She was skeptical but still with him.

Quietly she asked, “What about the pills then?”

“It’s to help me calm down. Panic attacks. Happened in A&E and then again while I was in the ICU.” This was only half a lie, he rationalized. Her eyes widened in disbelief.

“Seriously, Alec? Panic attacks? That’s new. If it wasn’t for your terrible temper, you’d be a rather level headed guy actually. You’re one of the few people at work I’ve met who _always_ keeps a calm head in a stressful situation.”

He shrugged, still not looking at her, voice hollow. “Things change, Tess. Didn’t used to have nightmares either.”

She moved away from the wall, walking over to join him on the sofa. He was surprised but also relieved. She believed him. For now and that’s all he needed. She sat down next to him, leaving a small gap between them. She took his hand in hers and drew circles on its back. She didn’t look at him though.

“I meant what I said in the room. That it’s good to have you back. Daisy needs you. I couldn’t bear the thought of having to tell her something serious happened to her Dad while she was sick.”

She finally looked him in the eyes. “And I’m glad that it’s nothing serious, that you’ll be alright. I’m sorry that things have been getting under your skin lately. I didn’t even know,” she sighed sadly. And with a plea in her voice she continued.

“You need to let people in, talk about what’s bothering you. You need to share, Alec. I know it’s not something you do, not even with me, but you really need to change that. You need to take better care of yourself. Please, for your own good, for Daisy.”

She cupped his cheek with her hand and wiped away his tears with her thumb. He closed his eyes at her touch and just when he pressed his face into her palm and leaned in to kiss her, she stood up, leaving him very aware of the missing warmth next to him that has just been there a second ago. Confused and too emotionally riled up, he opened his mouth, but couldn’t find any words.

“How about you go home after we spend some more time with Daisy. You could use proper rest, a meal and a shave.”

It wasn’t a question and he had nothing left to resist her demanding nature. He nodded submissively and clambered to his feet. She was probably right anyways. His body was so weary and he longed for the comfort of his own bed. Sleep would make everything better. If he could find any.

“Fine. I’ll go home in a bit. Can we go back now, please?” He could hear the begging and he hated himself for being so feeble, letting her take control over him.

“Alright, Alec. The said they’ll take out the drain today, maybe after that would be a good time for you to take a break.”

Before they entered the room, he grabbed her arm and held her back a moment.

“Tess, please don’t tell Daisy. I don’t want her to get worried. She doesn’t need to know.” Yet again he found himself pleading with her. She held his gaze for a long time.

“I won’t. But remember what I said about letting her in. She needs you just as much as you need her.”

Dr. Abbott’s word echoed through his mind, her warning about her father’s regret of not sharing with his family.

“I will, Tess. I promise.”

 

* * *

 

Daisy fell asleep quickly after they had taken out the drain, not the least due to the pain medications they had given her before the procedure. Hardy was reluctant to leave, to go home to an empty house, but then Tess was right. He could use some sleep in his own bed. He scrubbed his hand over his face. And a shower and a shave.

He was almost out of the hospital building when he realized he had not only forgotten to pick up his medications but lost track of time again and had missed the next dose.

He fished out the pills from his pocket and as he didn’t have any water, he gagged them down dry. Then he retrieved his phone from his pocket and pulled up the alarm function again. This time he set it. Every eight hours. He couldn’t forget.

On his way back to the pharmacy, he sent Dr. Abbott a message: **If you still want to see me, I’m about to go home.**

Realizing she might not know who this was from he added: **It’s Hardy.**

His phone buzzed immediately. Hardy stared at it for a moment. He knew she would not be pleased with him leaving. He shoved one hand in his pocket and with his head hanging low he answered the call.

“That was not part of the deal. You’re supposed to stick around in case something happens.” She was extremely irritated.

“ ‘M fine. I just want to go home, get some rest, clean up, you know.” _God_ , he sounded so pathetic.

She hesitated. “Have you been taking your pills?” There was doubt in her voice.

“Aye. And I’m in the pharmacy line now to pick up my own.”

“So, did you have to take the other pills, the ones to help with an attack?” Anxiousness accompanied the question.

“Once. They helped. As I said, I am fine.” He tried to be as convincing as he could.

It wasn’t that he didn’t feel uneasy about being alone at home faced with the possibility of collapsing all by himself, nobody there to help. But he had made a decision to keep his family in the dark, at least for now until Daisy got better.

“I’m coming down there to take you to the clinic office. You’re not leaving without me checking you out.” Her voice didn’t leave room to argue.

“Alright then. You know where to find me,” he defiantly conceded.

He shoved the phone and his hands into the pockets of his sweat pants. Truth be told, he was relieved to see her again and hopefully get some reassurance before leaving the hospital. Because, if he was really honest with himself, he was scared to the bones. His body which had always been something he could rely on was failing him and he sure didn’t know how to deal with that. He had not been able to cope when his father was fading away and after he had died, Hardy could not have looked away faster from his own mortality, never to give it any real thought ever since. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. A hand tapped him on the shoulder.

“You alright there, Mr. Hardy? You look a little pale around the nose?” Dr. Abbott was trying to hide her concern behind a smile.

He looked down at his feet, shoving his hands even deeper into his pockets. “ ‘M fine. Don’t like waiting around.”

They both knew it was a deflection but she was willing to let it go. They were silent on the short way to her office. She asked him to lie down on the exam table and wheeled in the ECG machine. She didn’t look at him while she was placing the leads.

Quietly she asked, “So, did you tell your wife then?”  

“I didn’t… I couldn’t.” His ears were heating up with shame. “I lied to her.” He blurted it out without meaning to.

She only paused for a brief moment without saying anything, but he could tell in her face that she was disappointed with his actions. Then she nodded more so to herself than him.

“I’m going to be honest with you, Alec. I’m not surprised you didn’t, seeing what I’ve seen so far. That doesn’t mean I approve though. I think it was a poor choice, one that you might regret at some point. Your family deserves to know what’s going on with you, they _need_ to know. And that’s beside the point that you can’t do this on your own, that you will need their help sooner or later. This is not a problem you can hide, and if you do, it might just kill you faster than you can count to three.”

She turned towards him and found his eyes. He tried to look away, but she didn’t let him. She put her hand on his arm, with a firm grasp.

“Do you _want_ to die alone? Don’t answer, just think about it."

He was trembling. He closed his eyes and turned his head away. Her words had shaken him to the core. His breathing was fast. He was expecting his heart to follow but it didn’t. The minutes dragged out until he finally spoke.

“No. I don’t.” His answer was barely audible.

She rubbed his arm a few times. “Right. Then don’t wait too long to talk to them.”

The silence was filled by the hum of the ECG machine. She ripped of the strip and scrutinized it. He didn’t like her frown.

“Hmmm, this is at least somewhat better than this morning. I’d rather have you stick around but then I know you’re stubborn and I won’t convince you.” She gave him her usual smile and then looked down.

“I assume you’re going to be alone at home? Your wife staying with Daisy?” He nodded. “Make sure to have your pills with you at all times. And your phone, in case you need to call someone. Or 999. Don’t hesitate, don’t be stubborn.”

She helped him sit up. “How are you getting home?”

He hadn’t thought about it. He shrugged. “Suppose my car is somewhere around here.”

Actually he had no idea if it was still in the car park. Dr. Abbott scoffed.

“You’re not leaving in your own car. Remember what I said about not driving? You’re way too fragile right now. The medication is sort of working but there is no guarantee that you won’t pass out with the first car cutting you of on the motorway.” She was upset, her face drawn into a frown.

“ ‘M not ‘fragile’,” he growled. She glared at him. He felt his ears heating up again and looked down studying his feet. His hands were holding on tightly to the edge of the exam table.

Eventually, he mumbled, “Fine. I’ll take a taxi.”

“Good. Smart choice for once. Nothing reckless, remember. Let me know when you’re back tomorrow. I’ll come in and check on you.” And with a resolute nod, she ushered him out of her office.

It didn’t dawn on him until way later in the taxi that it was the weekend and she probably was coming in on her day off. He didn’t quite know why, but the thought made him feel much better than it should have.

 

* * *

 

The house was dreadfully empty. Hardy missed the sounds of his family being there. People might think he was somewhat of a loner, but he actually enjoyed having people around. He liked sitting back and watching life play out in front of him. It distracted him from his tendency to brood. Now there was nothing.

He stared into the fridge and finally found the energy to make himself a sandwich. He doubted this was what Tess had in mind when she talked about a proper meal. He sat at the kitchen table, holding on to Daisy’s tea mug. It was filled with water only, he didn’t dare drink regular tea. The paper bag with his medication was sitting on the counter. He let out a deep breath.

_Right._

He went over a list of strategic hiding places. The bathroom cabinet was out of question. Night stand, maybe. He really should though, considering the likelihood of getting woken up suddenly. His desk had a drawer with a key. He never locked it. He hoped nobody would notice, if he did now. The doctor had suggested the car that he wasn’t supposed to drive anymore.

_Great._

He was getting annoyed with himself. He should just talk to his family and then this wasn’t even going to be an issue. And he would be out of a job in no time.

_Fantastic._

He hated this already and it had only been a few days. Exhausted he padded into the bedroom. The bed looked untouched. He sat down on his side and propped himself against the pillows. His rib cage protested and he shuffled around a little to find a more comfortable position. He missed Tess’ warm body beside him. He grabbed her pillow, which smelled like her. Carefully turning to the side, he hugged the pillow and within minutes he had fallen asleep.

 

* * *

 

Hardy woke up in the dark, cold and drenched in sweat. He was breathing hard and there was a dull tugging pain in his chest. There was a lingering feeling of dread from the nightmare that he couldn’t remember. Sleepily, he turned to find the clock only to be jolted awake fully by the stabbing pain in his rib cage.

“Ach, for fuck’s sake!” He groaned. He finally found the lamp and turned on the light. 2:53 am.

_Bollocks_ , he’d missed saying good night to Daisy. And also his evening pills. He scrambled through the bags with the medication and found what he was looking for. He slowly stood up and walked over to the bathroom to get some water. He leaned on the sink and stared in the mirror. He didn’t like the face that was looking back at him. He was paler than usual, his cheeks gaunt under the scruffy stubbles and his eyes looked so, so tired. His hair fell down over his forehead which made him look even shaggier than he felt.

He was shivering in the cold, his T-shirt and pants damp. He turned around and leaned against the sink. _Fine,_ he couldn’t go back to sleep, he might as well warm up in the shower. He peeled of his clothes and slid under the water. The first thing he did after everything steamed up for a bit was to shave. He relished the feeling of the sharp blade gliding over his cheeks and chin, taking away the itchy stubble. He rubbed his hands over his smooth face and oddly this was giving him more comfort than he would have thought possible.

When he was done, he made an effort to comb his hair and slick it back properly. He put on a nice button down shirt and regular pants. This time when he looked into the bedroom mirror, the man looking back at him resembled more what the Alec Hardy he was used to. Satisfied, he grabbed his phone and bag of pills and made his way back to the kitchen. Soon enough the smell of eggs and toast was drifting through the house. He had contemplated bacon for a moment but then decided against it. No fatty foods. He found some herbal tea somewhere in the depth of the kitchen cabinets and was brave enough to at least try. He got rid of it after one sip. He would have to do some shopping in the morning.

Cleaning up the dishes felt normal enough and calmed him down even more. He wished for a cup of tea to accompany him on the sofa, but shuddered at the thought of the pale yellow herbal concoction. He would have to do without it for now. He picked up the book that he had left the evening before Daisy fell ill and started to read. He was home and he was grateful for that. It didn’t take long until he dozed off into a mercifully dreamless sleep.


	16. CHAPTER 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks everyone for reading and commenting. This chapter was a lot of fun to write and I hope you’ll enjoy it just as much. Alec may drift a little into OOC direction but hey, he did quote Bruce Lee in the show… We are also meeting someone I have lovingly named ‘What’s-the-point-of-you’ Craig (for those who remember S2E1 when Hardy storms over the meadow, livid to find out about Lee Ashworth entering the country). For whatever reason, Alec Hardy saying the name Craig does something to me (and yes, I would take recommendations for a shrink).

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 16**

Hardy didn’t make it back to the hospital until late on Sunday morning. He had slept comfortably on the sofa until the buzzing of his phone reminded him that it was time to take his pills. He had made a quick trip to the local Tesco, getting several brands of decaf tea and finally had found the one he thought was least despicable. He was wrecking his mind how to explain Daisy his new taste. He sure hoped that by the time she came home, he would come up with a believable story.

He had packed a small bag of Daisy’s belongings. He had sent a good morning text to Tess and received back a lengthy list of things. His reply - **At your service, your majesty** – earned him a virtual eye rolling from mother and daughter alike. He grinned at the image of the two of them huddling together and making fun at his expense. Some things would never change and he didn’t want them to.

He felt happier than he had in days. Tess had been right, resting at home had helped and some of the exhaustion was gone. He ignored the pinch of the pill packet in his trouser pockets. There would be enough time to deal with that. For now, all he wanted to do was spend some time with Daisy and Tess.

Now that she was feeling better, Daisy was bored out of her mind and just as antsy to leave the hospital as he had been. They had moved her out of the ICU and she was allowed to eat. There was another teenaged girl in her room, equally as bored as her. They soon bonded over the latest celebrity gossip, favorite bands and commiseration over their daft parents.

When evening had come along, Hardy felt comfortable enough to leave his daughter in the care of the nurses. Now that she was on the regular floor, they couldn’t stay with her overnight anymore. Tess went home in her car and he was going to find his own. He felt a pang of guilt about driving, but what choice did he really have. He had felt fine all day, he had been timely with his medications and his brief meeting with Dr. Abbott ended in a reassuring ECG. Remembering he had to call Baxter, he had asked her about going back to work for a few hours at least and she didn’t object as long as he’d come to see her daily for now. He was relieved to be able to get some normalcy back.

His drive back home was uneventful. He wanted to believe that maybe the doctors had exaggerated after all. He was almost successful in convincing himself. Once he arrived back home, he called Baxter to let him know he was going to come back to work the next morning. Mondays were Tess’ day off, so she could keep Daisy company until he was done. Tess wasn’t thrilled with the idea of him exerting himself that quickly but she didn’t protest too much knowing how important work was to him. He was knackered by nine o’clock and went to sleep way before Tess. He never noted when she was coming to bed. The next morning she had already left for the gym when he was getting up. She had left him a note wishing him good luck at work and a reminder to not overdo it.

 

* * *

 

Hardy was impatiently waiting at the elevator in the police station. Normally he would have walked up the stairs, but he wasn’t sure if he was up for it. He was already getting exasperated, thinking how this charade could easily end up in a very ludicrous situation. He had made it to his office without anyone holding him up and was stashing some of the pills in his locked drawer, when Baxter barged through the door. He jumped and his heart stuttered for the briefest moment. He sucked in a few breaths and tried to relax.

_Christ, this wasn’t boding well._

“Hardy, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. Nerves a little on edge, ey? Good to have you back.”

Baxter grinned widely and dropped a stack of files on his desk. Hardy eyed them suspiciously. He pulled them closer and fished out his reading glasses from his shirt pocket.

“I did those already. Why’d you bring them back?” Hardy tossed the files back to his boss, clearly annoyed.

“They’re not complete. And ‘cause you’ll do some desk work until I think you’re ready to do something else.”

Hardy glared at him and growled, his Scottish accent thick with anger. “ ‘M not here to be a pencil pusher.”

Baxter easily held his gaze, he wasn’t intimidated by Hardy’s piercing stare. He sighed, closed the office door and sat down.

“Listen to me, Alec. A lot has been going on lately and I think it’s the right thing for you to catch your breath. There are no new cases right now, things have been quiet. I’m not blind, I can see when somebody is worn out. That’s why I’m the boss. I want you to be able to take it easy for a bit, especially if there isn’t much else going on here. Please, don’t be an arse about it.”

Hardy crossed his arms over his chest, rolled his eyes and looked at the ceiling.

“Fine. Whatever you say, _sir_.” He pouted.

“Ach, Hardy, seriously? How old are you, five? Because that’s how you’re behaving. I’m worried about you, and all you can do is act like a knob.” Baxter’s gray-blue eyes were sparkling with anger.

Hardy felt bad. He didn’t like being fussed over and certainly not at work. He dragged his hands through his hair and leaned forward on his desk. He placed his hand on the files, his long fingers tapping the top of the pile.

“ ‘M sorry.” Pulling the files slowly closer, he conceded, “Maybe you’re right and I should take it easy for a few days. At least until Daisy comes home.”

“Oi, did they give you drugs at the hospital? Didn’t think I would live to see the day that Alec Hardy says I’m right.” Baxter smirked.

Hardy gave him a quick sideways glance, resting his eyes on the locked drawer. His boss was closer to the truth than he knew. This was going to be harder than he thought.

 

* * *

 

By noon he had received six text messages from Daisy about how dull it was in the hospital and that they didn’t even have decent TV to distract her at least a bit. The other girl had been discharged and she was all by herself while Tess had to run some errands. Hardy did his best to entertain her through the phone but it didn’t last.

He was mulling over his options. His eyes wondered over the desks outside his office. He caught site of one of his tech squad members, Craig Murphy. He had an idea. He went out to get some lunch and with it bought some scones and two cups of tea. He dropped the lunch on his desk, grabbed the tea and scones and walked over to Craig’s office.

Craig was the personification of a geek. Even Hardy could tell. He was tall but not as tall as Hardy, skinny, pasty-faced and his pointy freckled nose was sticking out between two pale green eyes. It didn’t help that his copper hair was unruly no matter what he tried to do with it. And working in the tech department, surely couldn’t have been coincidence. Hardy quite liked the younger man. In all his nerdiness he was excellent at his job and extremely reliable. And he was easy to tease, something that Hardy would never admit to enjoying way too much.

Hardy knocked and leaned against the door frame. He didn’t dare enter the chaotic office, always cluttered with the latest technology experiments.

“Care for some tea and scones?” He held up the cup and paper bag with the pastry. “They’re gluten free… and vegan.”

Hardy had to suppress a smirk. Craig had recently jumped on the gluten free band wagon and swore by it. The amount of ridicule he had received throughout the station only had turned him even more onto the path of healthy foods. He promptly became a vegan.

Craig swiveled around in his chair and eyed Hardy warily. He was cradling a tea mug that was suspiciously blue like a 1960s police box. Hardy noticed there was a new addition to Craig’s collection on his desk – a Dalek shaped pencil sharpener.

_Christ, where did he get this stuff? And more importantly, why so?_

“What do you want, Hardy? You only bring me tea if you need a favor.” His nasal voice was impatient.

“Erm, could you help me get a portable DVD player?”

As much as Hardy found Craig amusing, when it came to technology, he was his best bet for help. He always felt seriously challenged in this area. He barely could make his mobile work.

“Why do you need that? Nobody watches DVDs anymore. It’s all about streaming.”

Hardy gave Craig a blank stare. “Streaming, ey?” He rubbed the back of his head, trying to hide his ignorance.

“God, Hardy, what century are you living in? The internet, mate. People watch stuff on the internet nowadays.”

“Oh.” Hardy didn’t quite get it, but if that’s what people did these days, so be it.

“It’s for Daisy. She’s in the hospital and bored. Don’t know if they have internet there.” Hardy looked at him, his eyes wide and hoping that would be enough information. He really had no idea.

“Ah, sorry, heard about that. I take it she’s better, if you’re trying to find entertainment for her.”

Hardy nodded. He wasn’t aware that there had been talk in the station, but it wasn’t that surprising either.

“Do you own a lap top?”

Craig got another blank stare from Hardy. He shook his head and muttered under his breath, “Why do I even ask?”

He got up from his desk and rummaged about in his office a bit. He came back with a small black device.

“Got this for one of the cold cases. It’s a portable DVD player, just what you wanted. Daisy should be able to figure it out. Do you even have DVDs to watch?” Craig gave him a quizzical look.

“Aye. Got what I need at home. Thanks a million.” And when Hardy’s lips curled into a mischievous grin, it was Craig’s turn for a blank stare.

Before he left, Hardy had to address one thing, he just simple couldn’t resist. It was too good of an opportunity.

“So, what’s with the bow tie?” There was a challenging tone to his voice.

Craig gave him a piercing stare and tugged on his neck wear. “Bow ties are cool.”

Hardy stood up to his full height, raised one eye brow, straightened his tie demonstratively and said with full sincerity, “No, they’re not.”

Craig’s mouth gaped open and he took a deep breath, his face slowly turning red, but couldn’t figure out a comeback.

Hardy turned and left as quickly as he could. As soon as he was out of ear shot he burst into laughter, nearly collapsing against a wall due to the pain in his rib cage. It had been so worth it though. Feeling rather pleased with his exploits, he left early to go home and collect the remaining items to execute his plan.

 

* * *

 

He briefly stopped by their house to pick up the DVDs. A smile curled up his lips and his hazel eyes sparkled while he was browsing over their collection. He found what he was looking for and his smile turned into a pleased grin. He put everything in a bag and hurried back to the car. He was almost out of breath, but only almost. He padded down his jacket and then trouser pockets to make sure he had his pills with him.

He met up with Dr. Abbott as promised before going to Daisy. She ran another ECG on him and seemed pleased with it. He hadn’t had any attacks in two days, not even lightheadedness, so they were both reassured enough that the medication seemed to be working. For now. Regardless, she wanted to see him again the next day and do something called a Holter monitoring, a portable device that would monitor his heart rate for a whole 24 hour period. He begrudgingly agreed to it.

When he opened the door to Daisy’s room he was greeted with a big frown.

“That took you forever to get here. Did you bring it?” Her eyes were wide with anticipation.

He grinned and held up the bag.

“Aye, got it.” He took out the DVD player and handed it to Daisy. She grabbed it eagerly and got it going.

“Craig said you’d know how to use. Guess, what? He’s got a new piece in his collection… a Dalek pencil sharpener. Seriously, I don’t get it.” He shrugged.

Daisy scrunched up her face and parodied with a low, nasally voice, “ _Exterminate!”_

“Ya, right. And he had a bow tie…” He rolled his eyes.

“A bow tie? Really? Next time you should bring him fish sticks and custard instead of tea.”

“Ach, why would you eat that? Tea’s all I need.” She looked at her Dad who was feigning utter disgust. They broke out into laughter.

She had finished setting up the DVD player. She tried to sit up but winced. Hardy jumped to her side and helped her get comfortable. He gently brushed her disheveled hair out of her face.

“Do you want me to braid your hair?” She looked at him in surprise and he blushed.

“Don’t look at me like that. I used to do that when you were little. Your mother never had the patience to run after you and hold you down long enough. Actually you used to groom my hair as well. Make me pretty as you said. You got quite artistic with those hair clips.”

He smiled shyly. She whacked him on the arm.

“Ach, what’s with the soppiness again? Quit it. Just because somebody stuck some tubes in my throat and belly, doesn’t mean you can be all cute with me.”

Her voice was indignant, but she snuggled up against him and leaned her head on his chest. He breathed a kiss on her head.

He mumbled into her hair. “I think I earned a few soppy moments after the past days. Seriously.”

She squeezed his hand and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “You sure did, Dad.”

She smiled again and impatiently grabbed the bag, all bouncy with excitement.

“So, what’d you bring this time?” She took out the DVDs and her eyes grew wide with incredulity. She turned and looked at him.

“You can’t be serious about this, right? This is worse than the last one.”

He snatched the DVD from her and muttered under his breath. “Oi, not fair. You haven’t even seen it yet. And there is nothing wrong with ‘Cobra’.” He was pouting a little.

“At least those are just movies, not like the endless episodes of that series with the talking car… a talking car? Who thinks of that anyways? It’s not like it’s a Pixar movie.” Daisy thoroughly enjoyed teasing her Dad who was sulking perched at the edge of her bed.

“Fine. We don’t have to watch it. I brought some Bruce Lee as well.” His grin grew wide when she rolled her eyes at him.

“Ach, if I ever have to watch _‘Fist of whatever’_ again, I’m going to move out.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

He chuckled. “It’s this or perish of boredom. Your choice.”

He waived the DVD in front of her face. She scoffed in exasperation, snatched it out of his hand, and put it in the player. The white Pegasus of the old TriStar Pictures logo galloped into the frame and Daisy cuddled into her father’s arms. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the warm feeling of her body against his chest. He felt pleased with himself, having come through with his promise to ward off the boredom.

She barely could handle Schwarzenegger as the _‘Terminator’_ but watching him as a Russian special agent was more than she could take. When Arnie ripped the fake leg off the cocaine dealer her mouth gaped open and Hardy could tell she was frantically thinking about a witty comment. She excitedly nudged him in the side and he suppressed his gasp for air as she hit the broken rib.

“God, this is so awful, I can’t even think of what to say.”

She eagerly continued watching though. It was Schwarzenegger one liners at its peak. He was pleased but the best was yet to come. When the naked snow fight scene flickered over the screen, her eyes grew wider and wider, her mouth gaped open and she shook her head in complete disbelief.

She snorted. “This is…”

Grinning from one ear to the other, he cut her off. “Film making at its best, darlin’, that’s what this is.”

He ducked another stab in his side. He sighed loudly. “They just don’t make movies like this anymore.”

“Ya, Dad, and there’s a reason for that.” She rolled her eyes at him but not without a loving smile.

Her comments throughout the movie were priceless and Hardy cherished every one of them. It had been one of the best days of his life when he had realized he could rope her into his guilty pleasure of watching 1980s action movies. Tess hated them, but Daisy proofed to be an excellent partner in crime. And so they had spent many evenings together on the sofa, nursing tea and hot chocolate, working their way through the exploits of such fine artists as Stallone, Van Damme, Schwarzenegger, Lundgren, Mel Gibson, and of course the ‘Bruces’ – Lee and Willis – as Daisy called them.

“Oi, Dad, you should totally use that line: ‘I do not want to touch his ass, I want to make him talk’. Mom would be thrilled.”

She grinned mischievously at him. He chuckled at her attempt at Schwarzenegger’s horrific Austrian accent. The movie was a success. When it finished, she turned to him, squinting, a question on her face.

“So, what’s my reward then for sitting through this?”

He always picked a second movie that was much more up her alley. He decided to let her squirm a little.

“I thought we could stick with the theme of continental actors and the color red.”

Skeptical, she asked, “What’s that supposed to mean? Did Schwarzenegger make a sequel to this with the inventive title of _‘Red Cold’_ instead of _‘Red Heat’_?”

“No. But there is this Dolph Lundgren movie called _‘Red Scorpion’_ …” He trailed off waiting for the assault.

“ _Dad!_ ” And she shoved him off the bed with all force she could muster. He fell to the floor as all the air left him and his vision turned blurry for a brief moment. He clambered to his feet, sucking in a few breaths.

“Bloody hell, Daisy. Be a little gentle to your old man.” He was still panting.

“Sorry, didn’t know you were this fragile these days.” He gave her piercing glare but didn’t say anything further.

He pulled out the other DVD of the bag. “That’s what I really had in mind.”

Her face lit up with that gorgeous smile of hers and she eagerly switched out the DVDs. Just like before they cuddled up together. She was enthralled with the adventures of the Dread Pirate Roberts, who she immediately figured out had to be Westley, and she was sure Buttercup would not marry the nasty Prince Humperdink. She squealed when Westley and Buttercup tumbled down the grassy hills. And she was equally upset as the little boy in the movie, when the grandfather threatened to not finish the book. Her eyes were wide and teary when it appeared that Westley had died. She exclaimed an excited “Yes!” when Inigo Montoya addressed his famous line ‘My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!’ to the six fingered man and she positively cheered when he stabbed him to death. And when Westley and Buttercup finally kissed, she sighed and snuggled up sleepily against her Dad.

He couldn’t be more happy and content. It was late now. They had survived the bad hospital food while watching the movies and he had stealthily managed to take his pills without her noticing. She was ready to go to sleep. He carefully got up not to disturb her too much.

She was drowsy when she mumbled, “I love you, Dad.”

He gave her a kiss on the forehead and trailed his fingers along her hair. “I love you too, darlin’. Sweet dreams. I’ll come back tomorrow with some more movies.”

Her voice was muffled by the pillow she was hugging. “Don’t you dare bring _‘Red Lobster’_ or whatever it’s called.”

He laughed quietly. “It’s _‘Red Scorpion’_ and I’ll think about it.”

She groaned in response and he waited until she drifted off to sleep before he left to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, I had promised myself not to ever get suckered into making a Doctor Who reference in any of my Broadchurch writings. And I sincerely apologize to all of you who find these kind of homages annoying. I’m a total hypocrite because usually I roll my eyes when reading them unless it’s a true cross over. BUT, I had Craig in my head for such a long time, for this story and for Part Two, and he was always a real nerd. And then I got suckered into this idea ‘oh, what if he is a DW fan’ and I got so excited about it. And then someone – you know who you are – started with, “oh what if he is a Matt Smith fan” and that was that. I couldn’t resist the opportunity, just as Alec Hardy couldn’t resist. And this will be the only time, I will ever do this, I swear. I hope you will forgive me and still read the story. (Oh and I have nothing against Matt Smith, but I do have a problem with Moffat, just saying.)


	17. CHAPTER 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m so happy that people liked the previous chapter :-) We are getting closer to the wedding… Daisy is coming home and Alec has a cunning plan… still don't like Tess. Thanks again for reading and commenting! I hope you enjoy the chapter.

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 17**

 

Hardy was tugging on his shirt for the millionth time. The sticky leads and the straps of the portable ECG device were irritating him. Dr. Abbott had placed it earlier that day and he hated it already. It was a constant reminder of his heart not working properly, even if he felt well enough. Tess’ comment about him being rather fidgety didn’t help the situation. He had to come up with a plan to hide the fact that he had that thing strapped to his body. He could hardly share the bed with her, there was no question in his mind that she would notice immediately, even if it was tucked away under his shirt. There was only one way - to pretend falling asleep on the sofa and just never making it to bed. He felt a pang of guilt for being so deceptive about what was going on, but he wasn’t ready to share the burden.

He was relieved to get rid of it the next day, shoving away any anxiety about the results. He had been feeling reasonably well, only light-headed once when he tried to outrun the rain getting to his car in the parking lot. He had been successful in taking his medications on time and there had been no need to take any of the extra pills. He expressed his optimism to Dr. Abbott who wasn’t quite as enthusiastic as he was. She reminded him not to exert himself and to be mindful of his limitations. He shrugged her concerns off and he could tell she wasn’t pleased.

It was Thursday, eight days after he had brought Daisy to A&E. Much to Hardy’s and Tess’ surprise the doctors were ready to discharge her. She would need to take antibiotics for another four weeks but otherwise she seemed to have recovered nicely. They would be able to take her home the next day.

The wedding was this Saturday. He hadn’t spoken to Duncan again, mostly because he wanted to avoid talking about his health issues. Duncan would get every little detail out of him a prospect he dreaded. He hoped that during the wedding, there would be no time and he could escape the uncomfortable conversation. He would face it when it came to it.

For now, he had another battle to fight. He had talked to Daisy’s doctors and inquired if they thought she’d be well enough to go to the wedding. He was happy to learn that it would be acceptable if she wasn’t going to run around all day long. Tess didn’t want to hear anything about it.

“You’re crazy if you believe I will let my daughter go to this wedding after she nearly died on us not even a week ago.”

Tess was livid. Her voice was composed but Hardy knew her better than that. She was ready to explode. He had to tread very carefully, if he was to get anywhere.

“The doctors said it would be fine. I talked to her. She really, really wants to go. She has wanted to go for so long now. You know how much effort she put into finding the dress.”

He involuntarily smiled at the memory of going shopping with her what now seemed a life time ago. He was going to fight for her. And him. Duncan was right, the thought of him being able to take Daisy to the wedding had helped him to hold onto something. He had given up on Tess going, but he would not give up on Daisy joining him.

“I’m sorry that she will be disappointed, but there is no way she’ll go there and rip her stitches apart while running around with Duncan’s brood.”

They were in the kitchen after having dinner together. He had been leaning against the sink. Getting more tense, he pushed himself off and started pacing, his hands on his hips.

“Tess, I’m not an idiot. Of course I’m going to make sure she won’t exert herself too much. And she’s a smart child herself. She will listen.”

He stopped in front of her and put his hands on her shoulder, turning her towards him, but keeping her at arm’s length distance. He tried to make eye contact, but she wiggled herself free and hastily left the room. 

“Please, love.” He followed her, taking a hold of her elbow in an attempt to stop her.

“Get your hands off of me, Alec.” Her tone was sharp, vicious almost, and she slapped his fingers away.

He looked at her in bewilderment, confused and hurt by her reaction.

“Fine. I won’t hold you back. But we really need to come to an agreement here. Maybe we could only go for a few hours? Stay through the ceremony and the initial speeches and then I’ll take her home?”

She wasn’t having any of it. She started calling him names. What a bloody idiot he was for wanting to drag his sick child to a party. What a fool he was for following Duncan’s every whim. He knew her habit of lashing out when she was cornered and couldn’t talk herself out of a situation. It still hurt though. She went on to accuse him of not being trustworthy with Daisy’s health as he hadn’t notice she was getting ill until it had been almost too late. That he wasn’t paying enough attention to his family. That he was never present with them. 

Hardy realized that this wasn’t just about the wedding anymore. Admittedly, she wasn’t wrong about him not being as engaged with his family lately as he should have been. Reason told him that none of her claims of him being responsible for Daisy getting so sick were funded in reality but his emotions were running havoc with him. He should have seen the signs earlier, but he didn’t. He could have avoided all of this. He was getting rather upset with himself, Tess and everything else. He felt his heart jolting a couple of times and leaving him with an uneasy feeling in his chest. He took in a few deep breaths and tried to calm down.

Tess stopped talking and stared at him.

“Are you alright?”

Her voice was still trembling with anger, but he could tell she was trying to reign herself in. He nodded.

“ ‘M fine.”

He found a chair to sit and the moment passed. Tess used the opportunity to deliver her final punch. There was no warmth in her voice, only loathing.

“Looks to me like you shouldn’t be going to this wedding either, if getting emotional is going to make you pass out on the bride. Sure way of ruining the moment. But then you’re good at that anyways, finding a dramatic way out of a hairy situation, so that you never have to take responsibility for your actions.”

And she went for the jugular, “Just like your mother.”

She left him, while he was staring wide-eyed and in shock at her. He could not believe, how malicious she’d just been. Using his mother’s suicide against him was a low blow, one that he would have a hard time recovering from, and she knew it. He heard the front door shut and then the sound of a car leaving.

His hands were shaking and the room started spinning around him. He hadn’t even noticed how erratic his heart beat had become. He was scrambling for his pills only to realize they were in his jacket that was draped over a kitchen chair. He cursed himself for not having them on him and slowly got up, leaning against the wall for support. His breathing was getting harder but he made it to the chair. He swallowed the pills without water and slid down the wall to sit on the floor until the attack eased up. He pulled up his legs to his chest, arms resting on his knees, a comforting position from when he was a boy. He could spend hours like this.

When he finally had calmed down and his heart felt steadier, he clambered to stand, leaning heavily against the wall. He made it to the sofa. Fatigue, mental and physical, took hold of him. This time he didn’t need to pretend. He had no energy left to make it the empty bed, falling asleep just right where he was.

 

* * *

 

The loud clunk of a cup being set down on the glass table jerked him awake.

“Alec! Wake up.”

Hardy sucked in a breath and propped himself up on the sofa. He groaned in pain. His speech was still slurring with sleep.

“ ‘s happenin’?”

“You fell asleep on the sofa. We’ve got to get going to pick up Daisy. I assume you want to be there?”

He sat up and dragged his hands over his face and through his hair. He nodded. They didn’t look at each other. He cupped the mug but didn’t drink any, remembering he hadn’t told Tess about the decaf tea. He didn’t give her enough credit though.

“It’s the new stuff you bought. Don’t know why you’d all of a sudden would drink decaf tea. Did the doctors tell you to?” There was genuine interest in her voice.

He nodded again in silence. He was still avoiding her eyes. She sighed and sat down next to him. He stiffened ever so slightly when she rested her hand on his shoulder. She must have noticed as she pulled it away quickly.

“Alec, I’m sorry about last night. What I said about you and your mother was uncalled for.”

He remained silent. He had no reply. The words had been said with only one purpose, to hurt him, and they sure had done the trick. He slowly got up, turning away from her.

“Alec, please. Say something. I made a mistake and I’m really, really sorry. What else do you want me to do, beg you for forgiveness?” An impatient edge had found its way into her voice.

He paused in the door way. His head was hanging down and he shoved his hands into his pockets.

“No, no begging needed. What was said, was said. You can’t take it back. I can see that you’re trying, but I’m having a hard time with it. I just need…,“ he struggled with putting his feelings into words. “I just need some space, Tess, please?”

And after a few heart beats, he added, “I’ll be fine… as always.”

Without ever looking at her, he left her in the living room. He dragged himself up the stairs to change and get ready for another day. He focused on only one thing. He sure as hell would take his daughter to this wedding, no matter what the price would be.

 

* * *

 

They drove in silence to the hospital. When they walked to the building, Hardy took her hand and looked her in the eyes for the first time that day. He could see the regret and he sighed inwardly. It couldn’t make the words unsaid, but in the end he loved her and he forgave her right there and then. He smiled at her and she smiled back at him, shyly. He pulled her into a hug and they stood there for a while until she reminded them that they should get going.

Daisy was bouncing up and down on her bed with excitement. When they came in, she was already dressed and ready to leave.

“Can we go get something to eat on the way home? I swear they have been trying to poison me with the food in here.” She was beaming and looked as if she never had been ill.

Hardy’s heart warmed up and all the sorrow of last night’s argument faded to the background. He tried to be as serious as he could.

“Dunno, Daisy. The doctors left strict instructions about what to feed you and what not. I think it said something about no pasta or chocolate for at least another two weeks. Didn’t it?”

He turned to Tess for reassurance. She played along.

“Sweetheart, I think we might have to wait for that a little while. You know, bland healthy foods aren’t that bad after all.”

Hardy marveled at how good a poker face Tess could keep. Daisy’s eyes widened with disbelief.

“You guys can’t be serious about this.”

They both nodded and looked stern. Her face grew longer and she was scowling, her arms crossed over her chest. Hardy finally broke. A smile flickered over his face and Daisy immediately caught it. She jumped up and was getting ready to punch him in the chest. He barely escaped another blow to his healing rib.

“Ach, you guys are awful! I expect double ice cream to make up for that. After all I’m still convalescent.” She struggled through the big word but didn’t lose her dignity.

Hardy laughed. He trapped her in a hug and held her tight while she was trying to squirm her way out of it. Tess was smiling at the display of fatherly love. Their eyes locked and peace had been restored.

They had to wait for Daisy’s final check-up, were handed a bunch of prescriptions and another one of those more confusing than helpful instructions sheets. Hardy pocketed all of it. He sent them ahead while he was getting in line for the pharmacy to pick up Daisy’s antibiotics. They were waiting at the coffee shop, giggling and just being plain goofy with each other. Now and then Tess looked over to him. He was making faces of impatience and she grinned. It made him happy.

“Mr. Hardy?” Dr. Abbott’s voice pulled him out of his day dreaming.

“Oh, hello. I was going to call you. Daisy’s coming home today.” His broad smile vanished when he saw her face. She was wearing a deep frown and seemed uneasy.

“What’s the matter?” He feared he didn’t want to hear the answer.

“Can we talk somewhere? In private?”

He glanced over to his family. Tess was watching them.

“No. I can’t let them wait. Can’t you tell me now?”

She gave him an annoyed look and rolled her eyes at him.

“You still haven’t told her, have you? You’re going to get yourself in trouble.”

She paused. Then she looked him straight in the eyes.

“I have the results from the Holter monitoring.” His body grew tense with her somber tone.

“They are very… concerning, to say the least. You said you were feeling fine for the whole time it was on?”

He nodded silently. Tess was still watching them intently. He turned away slightly so she couldn’t see his face.

“It showed multiple brief episodes almost every hour were your heart rate would just bounce around, from too slow to too fast, being rather erratic and irregular. I’m surprised you wouldn’t feel more affected by it.” She looked at him, the unspoken question written on her face.

“I told you, I felt fine. There was one time I was lightheaded, but I was running…”

She cut him off, irritated. “Why would you be doing that? No unnecessary exertion, remember?” She was frowning at him.

He sighed, feeling rather exasperated with life. “I was just trying to doge the rain, not running a marathon.”

The frown disappeared. “I know you’re trying. It takes a while to get adjusted,” she kindly said. “I’m still surprised that you wouldn’t notice the irregularities more. But considering that this probably has been going on for quite a while you might just be used to it. Honestly, it concerns me as you clearly can’t tell when your heart is giving you trouble until it becomes really bad.”

He shoved his hands in his pocket to hide the tremble. It was scaring him more than he wanted to admit. He cleared his throat.

“What does that mean then?”

“We really need to get that EP study scheduled. And I even without having those results, I think we probably should already plan ahead for the pacemaker. You’ll have to take some time off work.”

His head jerked up. “I can’t do that. They can’t know.”

She put her hand on his arm. “Alec, you can’t ignore this. You will have to tell someone and if you want to have a realistic chance at keeping your job, you have to get this done.”

Of course she was right. He’d given in to the lull of a false security these past days with Daisy getting better and not having a lot of symptoms himself. The attack last night though had reminded him that he wasn’t by all means healthy.

He rubbed the back of his head and gave her a sideways glance. “Fine. I’ll do it. When?”

He could see the relief in her face which only drove home the fact that she was extremely worried about him.

“Come see me next week in my office and we’ll go over the dates. The NHS is not always easy to navigate but we’ll push it through considering the urgent nature of the issue. Don’t forget to call for an appointment.”

She finally smiled at him. “So, are you going to this wedding your friend asked me about?”

He looked at her in surprise. “You remember that? Aye, planning to. Have to convince Daisy’s mother to let her go.” He raised his eye brows and made a sheepish face.

She laughed. “I’m sure you’ll come up with a plan to escape imprisonment. You seem rather crafty at that. Just make sure you have an exit strategy this time.”

He smiled at her and touched her elbow lightly. “You got me there, my cunning plans don’t always work out. I fell of a ladder not too long ago trying to convince my daughter not to skip lunch at school.”

“You didn’t?” He nodded vigorously, his face lighting up with the memory.

“Got a concussion and a broken arm. Had to stay overnight in the hospital. I hated it. Didn’t try to run though.”

“That’s surprising.” She looked up at him, shaking her head slightly.

He held her eyes with his and suddenly grew very somber. She had done so much for him, if it wasn’t for her gentle but firm guidance who knows what would have happened? He put his hand on her shoulder.

“I’m not very good at this, but I just wanted to say thank you for everything, Emily.” His hazel eyes widened, nervousness written all over his face, not sure where to go from here.

She put her hand on his while it was still resting on her shoulder. “You don’t have to say anything, Alec. Just listen to me and let me help you. That’s enough of a thank you.”

She patted his arm a couple of times and turned, throwing him a last smile before she walked away. His gaze lingered on her until she left his sight. When he looked over to where Daisy and Tess were waiting for him, Tess was standing there staring at him, her face impassive.

_Bollocks_ , he would have some explaining to do. He picked up Daisy’s medications and they made their way home, reunited as a family. Tess did not speak a word to him in the car, and it wasn’t until Daisy had settled down in her room to call some friends when she held him up in the kitchen.

 

* * *

 

“What were you talking about to your doctor friend?” Her voice was level, not letting on too much of emotion. She was drying dishes, leaning against the counter.

_Poker face._ Hardy knew he had to be careful if he didn’t want to give too much away. Or maybe it was time to come clean and tell Tess everything about his heart problem. He was mustering his courage when she totally derailed him.

“She’s awfully cute, isn’t she?” Her face was still blank.

“ _What?”_ His mouth gaped open a bit.

“I said, she’s awfully cute. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed that.” She scoffed.

Actually he hadn’t. He was about to say so, when Tess showed her hand.

“And rather flirtatious, if I may say so. I find that unprofessional.” Her voice was indignant.

_Bloody hell_ , she couldn’t be jealous, could she? He couldn’t even begin to think how ludicrous this was. It was so absurd he actually laughed. He immediately realized that had been a mistake. Tess eyes grew dark with anger and she tossed down the dish rug she was holding.

“I’m glad you find this amusing, Alec, because frankly I don’t.”

He tried to tone down his mirth. He had forgotten how adorable she could be when she was mad like this. Not the vicious mad from the night before, but the almost child-like possessiveness she sometimes couldn’t hold back. He stepped up behind her, trying to sneak his arm around her waist. She swatted it away. He tried again and was successful this time. A desire sparked in him that would likely not be advisable in his current state of health. He didn’t care.

He nuzzled her neck, his voice muffled. “I think you have nothing to worry about, love. She thinks I’m old, I remind her of her father.”

He tried to steal a kiss but she turned her head. “I’m not in the mood for this, Alec.”

She pushed him away. “We still have to tell Daisy, she can’t go to the wedding.”

_Christ._ That certainly sobered him up. He moved away from her, grabbing the back of a chair tightly with his hands. His knuckles turned white.

“Go ahead then. Because I’m not telling her. Don’t expect me to enforce something I don’t agree with.”

She glared at him and stormed up the stairs. He sighed and sat down on the chair. He listened to the heated argument filtering down from Daisy’s room. Tempers were flying high. He scrubbed down his face and stared at the table. He came up with a plan. He fished his phone out of his pockets and dialed a number.

“Baxter? It’s Hardy. Could I ask you for a big favor? I would owe you one.”

 

* * *

 

The argument ended with Daisy locking herself in her room again. Tess left the house, she said she needed to blow off steam, go for the gym. It suited him to have her out of the way. He knocked at the door, trying to talk to Daisy, but she didn’t answer. He pleaded with her, but still no answer.

_Fine,_ _plan B then._

He grabbed a flash light as it was getting dark outside. It took him a few minutes to locate the bloody ladder. He eyed it warily, still remembering his last encounter. He tugged it over to the wall of the house and leaned it against it. He shoved the flash light in his back pocket and started climbing up. His heart rate picked up and he sure hoped his dodgy ticker wouldn’t chose this moment to throw a fit. He made it to the top. It was even wobblier than he remembered. But then his memory of his last adventure was a little fuzzy from the resulting concussion.

Daisy’s room was dimly lit. He knocked at the window. Twice. He was about to tap it a third time when it flew open. This time he was ready and balanced himself better.

“Seriously, Dad? _This_ again?’ She gestured exasperatedly at the ladder. Her eyes were stormy and mad.

“You wouldn’t answer your door.” He tilted his head and raised his eye brows.

“Ya, ‘cause I don’t want to talk to anybody.”

She was about to close the window. He caught her hand and swayed a little on the ladder.

“Dad!” She shrieked.

He found his balance and let out a breath. “ ‘M fine. Listen, that anybody you don’t want to talk to is your mother, not me. Because unlike your mother, I want you to come with me tomorrow.”

“Well, isn’t that lovely. Good luck with that then. She’s not budging.” She scrunched up her face and pouted.

He found her eyes, grinning broadly. “Good then that I have a plan. Can I come in now?”

She was curious enough and helped him climb into her room.

“Do tell then, my knight in shining armor. What cunning plan have you come up with this time, Sir Alec?”

They chuckled at her reference to their old game of princess and knight. She used to dress up as a princess in need of rescue and Hardy had to dress up as knight to save her from the monster du jour. She was never satisfied with his efforts of finding the right shining armor until he finally one day produced a tinfoil wrapped card board breast shield, helmet and sword. He had spent half his day tinkering with it until he got it right. She was thrilled and immediately ready to marry the knight and live happily ever after. She was four then and extremely adorable, so Hardy endured the whole wedding ceremony including grooming and lining up a million and one stuffed animals for the party.

Hardy told her about his plan and she approved. In fact, she got rather excited at the prospect that she’d be able to go to the wedding after all.

“You know that you’ll be in so much trouble for this, right Dad?” She gave him a questioning look.

He shrugged and smiled. “So, then we better make it worth our time.”

She smiled back at him and chewed on her lower lip.

“Dad, did you ever get that suit fitted?”

_Bollocks_ , he had totally forgotten about that. He shook his head.

“Ah, thought so. You’re just lucky I gave Geena all your measurements. It should be fine.”

He had no idea what those measurements were or how she got them, but he was relieved. He wouldn’t want to spoil things for her. They were sitting on her bed. She crawled over to him and gave him a hug.

“Thanks, Dad.”

He held her tightly and kissed her hair. “Of course, darlin’.” And before he could get soppy again he added, “You better go to sleep now, we have to get up early, if things are to work out.”

She ushered him out of her room. He briefly wondered where Tess was, but then forgot quickly about it. He made sure to get a few things ready for the next day and texted Baxter the go-ahead for the plan. He found the invitation and checked the date, time and location.

 

_You’re Cordially Invited to Celebrate the Wedding of_

_Duncan McCormick and Geena Calhoun_

_On the Day of April the Fourteenth in the Year of 2012_

_Noon to Midnight_

_Cardiff Castle – Castell Caerdydd_

 

Already settled into bed, he sent Duncan a message that they’d be coming. Engulfed by a happy and content feeling, he fell asleep before even receiving an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: About Hardy’s mother… her fate has been part of my head canon for quite a while. I made it part of “A Better Way To Fall” and I have an explanation there as to why I think what I think. Just wanted to mention it because some of you might be surprised.  
> On a lighter note… a certain someone out there had asked me to write about “Sir Alec” and so I did. Be on the look-out for that one-shot if you feel like reading about a young Alec Hardy’s exploits as a Dad.


	18. CHAPTER 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: We are almost there, ladies and gentlemen… we meet the groom. I hope you like Duncan, Hardy's oldest friend. I promise the next chapter will finally be the infamous wedding. And then we are almost at the end of Part One… the storm is waiting to hit Alec Hardy’s life in Part Two.

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 18**

Hardy woke up to Tess cursing loudly. He hid his face in his pillow, so she wouldn’t see his grin.

“What’s going on?” He managed to sound sleepily enough to not make her suspicious.

“Bloody call roster. Apparently I’m on back up today and Baxter just called me in. There have been sick calls and he needs another person around.”

“Sorry, love. Maybe you won’t have to stay the whole day.” He hoped he wasn’t putting it on too much.

Hardy was extremely pleased that he had convinced Baxter to be part of his plan. His boss seemed suspiciously enthusiastic, but he didn’t question it. Baxter altered the call roster and put Tess on back up. He also agreed to make sure that Tess would get called in. He still complained he would burn in hell for this and that Hardy owed him more than just a favor. Hardy promised him whatever he wanted, if he would only get Tess out of the house for a few hours in the morning, so he and Daisy could get ready and sneak out.

Hardy pretended to go back to sleep. He listened to Tess noisily getting dressed and leaving the house. As soon as the car was gone, he climbed out of bed and woke up Daisy. The budding teenager was hard to get going at this early hour but they couldn’t lose any time. They not only had to get ready but also make the long drive to Cardiff. He had some trepidation about being in the car with Daisy alone for so long, and not the least because of his heart.

They packed Daisy’s dress and an extra suit and shirt for him, just in case the tuxedo wouldn’t fit and finally got on the road. Not trusting himself, Hardy had taken his extra pills right before they left. Maybe it was being too cautious but it made him feel more confident.

Daisy was rather tight-lipped this early in the morning. Eventually she started talking. Her choice of topic though, almost made him regret that she had left behind the morning grouchiness.

“Dad, can I ask you something?” There was hesitation in her voice.

“Sure darlin’. Anything, always.” He tried to be encouraging.

She fidgeted with the seat belt before posing her question. She took in a deep breath and he knew she had mustered enough courage to get out whatever it was she had been carrying around with her.

“Did you get sick while I was in the hospital?”

He almost lost control over the car. And of course his heart rate started to go up, just to mock him.

_Bloody hell_ , how did she know? With his voice as level as it could be he deflected with a question.

“Why would you think that, Daisy?”

He stared ahead, pretending to be focused on traffic. His hands were gripping the wheel tightly. He knew she was scrutinizing his every reaction and move.

“Because you looked like shit when I woke up. You hadn’t shaved, you were wearing sweat pants and a T-shirt in public something you never do, and you looked so pale. And you’ve been moving funny, as if it hurts or something.” There was an annoyed undertone in her explanation, as if she was saying, he better not think he can fool her.

_Christ,_ why did she have to be the child of two detectives? It took him all his experience as an interrogator to not let on any of the emotional upheaval that he was feeling right then. He didn’t want to lie to her, but he hadn’t even told her mother yet, how could he be truthful with her?

He tried to sound indignant. “Thanks for the compliment. That’s what you want to hear from your child after you’ve spent night and day with her in the hospital. It’s not like a luxury hotel, you know. No showers for the public. And you try sleeping on that chair when you’re over six feet tall.”

No lies, just bending the truth. He hated himself.

“Mom didn’t look like shit.” She was trying to be smart.

“Because I sent her home, darlin’. You know she can always sleep, I can’t if I’m upset.” Enough of the truth in this as well.

“When I pushed you off the bed, Dad, you almost passed out. Don’t you think I didn’t notice that.”

He glanced at her briefly. She was scowling and her arms were folded over her chest.

_Bollocks._ He had no idea how to explain that to her. He wasn’t a good liar, especially not when put on the spot.

He spoke slowly but without hesitation, trying to make it sound right. “When you lost consciousness, I had a really hard time dealing with it. I… I had something like a panic attack. They had to give me some medications to calm down.”

Not entirely a lie, but not the truth either.

She took in a sharp breath and then was silent, waiting for the rest of the story.

“Actually, I passed out and fell and that’s when I got hurt. I have a cracked rib, Daisy. That’s why when you pushed me off the bed, I was in so much pain.” If there ever was a white lie, then this one was as white as fresh snow glistening in the sun.

He wanted to tell her the whole truth so badly but he just couldn’t. At least not right there and then.

He felt her hand on his arm. “Oh, Dad. Why didn’t you say something? I hurt you because I didn’t know. And then you climbed up that stupid ladder. What if you had fallen again?”

She was clearly dismayed. Her voice was teary sounding.

“ ‘S alright. I’ll be fine. The pain’s almost gone. And now that you’re better, I’m better too. Just no real tea or coffee for me for a while.” He put more cheer in his words than he was feeling.

She was confused. “Why no tea?”

“They don’t want me to get too riled up, you know caffeine makes people all jumpy. They wouldn’t want me to pass out again.” She didn’t quite buy into his light tone.

“Could that happen? I mean, you passing out again?” She sounded so scared.

“I don’t think so, darlin’. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” He very much wanted this to be the truth.

“You always say that, Dad. And you’re often wrong.” She hesitated. “Promise me one thing. Please talk to people about things, even if you don’t want to talk to me or Mom, find someone.” She was serious.

“I will Daisy, I promise.” He put his hand on hers and squeezed it.

Their eyes briefly met and he could tell she was relieved. For now.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the drive remained on safer grounds. They haggled over the music and in the end he just gave in and let Daisy chose. She hummed along her favorite tunes and bopped up and down to the more beat heavy songs.

“Dad, is there going to be a band or something?” She was all bubbly.

“Dunno. Duncan said that Cory is going to be in charge of the entertainment.”

“Oh, is he?”

Her tone changed. Hardy couldn’t quite place it. Shy, maybe? But there was something else, excitement or anticipation. He tried to remember when Daisy had seen Cory, Duncan’s oldest son, the last time. Must have been a few months back, around the holidays. He decided to probe a little.

“Aye. Cory. Did I tell you that he’ll be going to the Royal Ballet School in Covent Garden in the fall? Maybe he’ll dance with you?”

She scoffed. “Why would I wanna dance with him? I want to dance with you.” She tried to sound way too disinterested.

_Ah,_ he had been right. She did like Cory. He hid a smile. Or at least he thought he did. She whacked him on the arm.

“Oi, Dad. What’s with the grin? Don’t go around spreading any rumors.” She was so indignant.

He suppressed a chuckle. “I wouldn’t dare.” His grin grew wider which earned him a nudge in the side. He flinched. _Bloody hell_ , she had perfect aim.

“Oh. I’m so sorry Dad, forgot about that.” And in an afterthought she added, “Will you even be able to dance?”

_Good question_. He had no idea. Was dancing considered unnecessary exertion?

He snorted. “Daisy, I don’t know why you’d want to dance with me anyways. I’m total rubbish at it. Ask your mother.”

“I did. And she said you’re not, you’re just pretending.”

“We’ll see about that then, won’t we?”

 

* * *

 

Daisy was impressed when they pulled up to Cardiff Castle. It was located in the city, but as soon as they got through the gate, it felt like being in a different place. The green was luscious even this early in the year. In the far back, on a small hill, the tower rose over the grounds. To their left the castle mansion reminded of times long gone.

Not for the first time, Hardy wondered how his starving artist friend could afford such a priced location for his wedding. He strongly suspected that Geena’s family had something to do with it. He didn’t inquire though as it was a touchy subjects, and in the end he really didn’t care. He never once was bothered by the idea that Geena was the one in the family who had the steady job and was more than willing to support her soon to be husband in his endeavors. Nobody would have ever questioned it if it was the other way round, so why with them?

They had made good time and were early. The valet took their car and an usher led them to the area where the guests would assemble. Daisy was quick to tell him that they were actually part of the wedding and not just guests. Hardy, worrying she was being rude, shot an apologetic smile to the usher, who seemed not to be bothered. He took them to where the wedding party was gathering.

“Daisyyyyy!” Fiona, Duncan’s youngest child and only daughter threw herself into Daisy’s arms. She flinched a little and Hardy was right by her side.

“You alright, darling’?” Worry was deepening his voice.

“I’m fine, Dad” She gave him her gorgeous smile. “And before you say it, yes, I’m going to be careful, and yes, I will not pick her up, climb the castle walls or do any other foolish things. I’m not daft, you know.”

Her look was very much implying though that he on the other hand was. She grabbed her bag with the dress from him and ran off with the four year old to meet all the other female members of the wedding party. Hardy sighed. This was going to be exhausting.

“You made it!” The excitement couldn’t have been more obvious in the groom’s voice.

Duncan’s hearty slap on the back took the air out of Hardy’s lungs. His vision darkened for a moment, more due to the excruciating pain than anything more serious. He crumpled over a bit and tried to suck in some air. He could feel himself being pulled up by strong hands and propped against the castle wall.

“Steady there, mate. Bloody hell, you look terrible. You’re sure you should be here?” Duncan’s voice had turned from happy to rather concerned.

Hardy tried to swat away his hands while he was still struggling for air. He managed a breathless “ ‘M fine.” to which Duncan only snorted a “Shit you are.” in reply.

Finally, he had recovered enough to talk. He straightened himself up and rubbed his chest. He resorted to anger to downplay the situation.

“Are you trying to kill me? Christ, Duncan, I told you they broke my rib. You almost knocked me out.” He glared at Duncan.

“So, it’s all the cracked rib, ey? Wouldn’t have anything to do with a dodgy ticker, wouldn’t it?” Duncan challenged him not only with words but equally so with his burning green eyes.

Hardy rolled his eyes at him. He anxiously looked around but Daisy wasn’t anywhere near them. Still leaning against the castle wall, he shoved his hand in his pockets. He gave his friend a sideway glance and realized he wasn’t going to get out of this conversation. Duncan’s broad tall figure was shielding him from any possible escape but also from anyone else’s sight. He couldn’t be sure Duncan had intended to do so, but he was grateful that the entire wedding party hadn’t witnessed him basically falling over after a pat on the back.

He pushed himself off the wall. “You’re not letting this go, are you?”

Duncan silently shook his head. Hardy sighed. He put a hand on his friend’s shoulder and squeezed it, nodding his head, his mouth slightly open, acknowledging the inevitable.

“Is there anywhere we can talk, in private? Don’t want Daisy to walk in on us.”

Duncan took him to the groom’s dressing room. On the way there he mentioned, he might as well get changed, catching two birds with one stone.

“So, how bad is it? Your heart. You never called me back, I figured the news can’t be good.”

Duncan was leaning on the antique dresser, his arms crossed in front of his broad chest. His green eyes were dark with trepidation. His dark hair was sporting a salt and pepper look which suited him well.

Hardy slowly lowered himself on a chair. The day had barely began and he was already feeling tired. The drive and conversation with Daisy, had left him weary and facing Duncan now before the wedding even had started made him question if it maybe had not been a good idea to come after all. He decided attack is the best way of defense. There was no reason to drag it out. Small talk was never his strength.

“Aye. It’s not good news. Looks like I have some serious heart arrhythmia, probably had it all my life. They are still waiting for some results and I have to do more tests, but they are pretty sure that’s what it is.”

He stared at the table, his long fingers tracing the engraved pattern. Duncan was quiet, trying to process the information. Eventually, he pulled a chair close to Hardy and sat down, straddling the back with his legs. He dangled his arms over the back and rested his chin on top. Hardy couldn’t help but smile. This was exactly how he used to sit when they had gotten into trouble at school and were trying to come up with what to say to their parents. Duncan rubbed his nose and cleared his throat.

“What are you doing about it? Can’t they fix you?” There was only a slight tremble in his voice.

Hardy’s response was hollow. “No. Not really. I’m taking medications to help control the symptoms, but it doesn’t make it go away. They want to put a pacemaker in.”

“A pacemaker?” Duncan sounded even more disbelieving than Hardy had.

He nodded. “Final words not out yet, but it bloody well looks like I need it.”

Duncan took in a deep breath. “Right. That’s a shit prospect, but then at least things are settled and you can go on with your life.”

Hardy stared at Duncan. “What fucking life, Duncan? I’m not supposed to drink, not supposed to drive, not supposed to have sex – too strenuous of an activity. Can’t even have a bloody cup of tea.”

He scoffed in disgust. His voice was trembling with anger when he continued.

“They told me I have to _quit my job_. Could literally get killed by _‘emotional distress’_ ,” he spat out the words like venom.

“On the upside, people might actually start to like me, ‘cause it seems that getting angry could set of that fucking shit heart of mine anytime. That really should motivate me to work on my temper, ey?” His sarcasm was scathing.

And to proof his point, the empty feeling in his chest that he already learned to expect whenever he was a little more animate than a squid was growing stronger and sent the room spinning around him. Breathing ruggedly, he fumbled for his medication. Duncan handed him some water and he swallowed the bitter pills.

It took a few minutes for Hardy to feel better. He was resting his forehead in his hand, rubbing it slowly. Duncan tried not to look scared but the color had left his face. He reached out to Hardy but never touched him in the end.

“It’s alright, Duncan. I’ll be fine.” He huffed. He thought back to what Tess had said when he was in the hospital. “I’m always fine, ey?” He stood up slowly and patted Duncan on the shoulder.

“So, where is that damned purple suit I’m supposed to wear?” It was a feeble attempt at pulling himself together.

“Alec.” Duncan’s tone made Hardy stop. He didn’t turn around though to face his friend.

“You left one thing out in your list about your shitty life. I need you to tell me what that is so that I will know for sure that you’ll be alright.”

Hardy closed his eyes, trying to hold back tears. He was taken back many years when he had made Duncan do the same thing, that night when he found his friend on a bridge, ready to end his life. He pulled him back by reminding him about Geena, about his newborn son Cory and how they made his life worth living for. Duncan broke down in his arms and cried himself out until there were no more tears and when the morning light rose, Duncan had found something to hold onto and go on.

Duncan’s arm found his way around his shoulders. He let himself be turned around and didn’t resist when Duncan pulled him to rest his head against his chest. Duncan held him in a strong but gentle embrace until the sobs slowed down. He gave him one last squeeze and tried to find his eyes.

“So, what’s your answer?”

Hardy looked down. He scrubbed his hands over his face. Then he met his friends gaze and a smile flickered over his lips.

“She wants to dance with me, you know. Wait till you see her in the dress. She’s beautiful.”

Duncan returned his smile. “Then let’s get you out of this pathetic suit and into some real clothes, mate. There are people waiting to get married.”

Hardy nodded and mouthed a silent “Thank you.”

He headed for the bathroom to get changed. He rinsed off his face with cold water and took his time, regaining composure. Eventually, Duncan knocked.

“Oi, Hardy, I hope the fitting of the suit was the only thing you forgot about. You remembered to prepare the best man’s speech, didn’t you?”

_Bollocks._ Duncan was going to murder him.

“Aye. Of course I did.” _God,_ that didn’t even convince himself.

Duncan laughed whole heartedly. “Still a pitiful liar. You better not use that dodgy heart of yours to get out of this one. Get thinking, you’ve got a couple of hours.”

_Right._ _Brilliant._ This could only get better.


	19. CHAPTER 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you everyone for reading, commenting and still following the story. Alec and Daisy made it… the wedding is finally happening and the picture that prompted all of this is being taken :-) Disclaimer – I’ve never been to Cardiff, so please excuse any blatant mistakes when it comes to describing the castle. I did some research but you know how that goes… not always fool proof. Regardless, I hope you enjoy this chapter just as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> The song they are dancing to is called “Charlotte Mittnacht” by Devotchka.

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 19**

Hardy walked over the grounds to find Daisy and the rest of the children. His long strides took him across the green swiftly. He would have been the last person to admit it, but the tuxedo suited his lanky figure rather well and the purple was playing off nicely with his hazel eyes and auburn hair.

He saw Fiona first. The four year old girl was standing in front of the stairs to the tower. She was wearing a violet dress, gently flowing in the wind. Her copper curls were held back by a hair band that had come lose. She was sobbing. He then spotted James running away. He hurried over to the crying girl. He stooped down next to her to be on eye level and put his hands on her shoulders.

"Fiona, sweetheart, what's the matter? Why are you crying?" He gently brushed her hair out of her face and fixed the hair band.

Her tiny voice was shaking with sadness and anger. "He destroyed my tea party."

Hardy looked around. There were a few small dolls and a tea set scattered around. He smiled at Fiona and started picking things up.

"Was it James?" She nodded vigorously.

"Hmm, I see. How about we pick up your friends and the party things and find a better spot to play?" Again her head bopped up and down and her curls bounced.

"You're a police man, can you punish him?" She sounded very determined.

He didn't want to disappoint her. "Aye, I am. I'll have a word with him."

Her tiny face lit up with a smile. She held out one of the dolls. "This is princess Daisy."

He smiled back at her and gave her a quick hug and kiss on her head. "Come on, let's find someone who'll take care of you."

They collected her toys and he took her hand. He still hadn't found Daisy, but he assumed she'd be with the bride's group.

"Fiona, do you know where your mother is?"

She didn't answer him. Instead she squealed "Daisyyyy" again at the top of her lungs and broke free of his hand. Fiona ran over to his daughter, who must have been watching them from afar.

Hardy stopped in his tracks. The sun was filtering through the cloudy sky and hitting her. Her hair was golden brown and the breeze was gently blowing it around her face. She brushed a long lock out of her eyes. The dress was just as stunning as he remembered it. The sight filled his heart with warmth and love for his only child. She waved at him right before Fiona reached her. She then hugged the little girl and walked back inside with her.

Hardy dropped his head and was trying to shove his hands in his trouser pockets. The tuxedo didn't have any.

_Great._ Just what he needed. Nowhere to hide. He checked the time and sighed. He'd better come up with that speech.

* * *

The guests started gathering in the Drawing Room of the castle. The rows of golden chairs with red velvet cushions filled up quickly. Hardy was standing next to Duncan, who seemed uncharacteristically nervous. He placed a reassuring hand on his friend's elbow.

He leaned closer to his ear, whispering with a low voice. "I wish you guys would have gone for kilts. Got good practice with the hospital gowns. I flashed my young and cute cardiologist. Tess got jealous."

Duncan grinned. He shot a thankful glance at Hardy. Some of the tension left Duncan's shoulders and Hardy was relaxing as well. He had come up with a few things he wanted to say and he hoped he could wing the rest of it. He was holding on tightly to the rings.

He spotted Daisy in the second row, sitting right behind Duncan's children, Fiona, James, Gavin and Cory. He saw her exchanging a hushed conversation with Cory and he could have sworn she blushed. He frowned ever so slightly and fought any paternal protective instincts.

While they were waiting his thoughts drifted back to his own wedding fourteen years ago. He had been a wreck. If he had thought proposing was going to be hard, getting married was even worse. Duncan was with him that day. And he steadied him when he saw Tess for the first time as his bride. She had been absolutely stunning and the image was burned into his mind forever. A brief thought flickered trough his mind, tainting the memory – had he been experiencing symptoms of his heart problem even then? He couldn't get anything down that morning and had blamed the brief moment of weakness on the empty stomach and nervousness. He shook himself lose from the painful recognition of the truth. The ceremony was about to start.

Geena was as radiant and beautiful a bride as she should be. Duncan swallowed hard when he saw her and Hardy could tell that his old friend was fighting to hold back his emotions. He glanced over to Daisy who was reveling in the proceedings and looked utterly delighted. He saw her wipe away some tears while the couple exchanged their vows. He was touched to hear them still be so committed after over two decades of ups and downs together. He was genuinely happy for his friend and felt rather fortunate that he was able to share this moment with him. He ignored the wounded feeling that Tess had chosen not to be part of this.

After the reception in the Library where a lot of shoulder padding and manly congratulations between the groom and his guests were exchanged, it was time to move to the Banqueting Hall. It was an impressive location with high ceilings, chandeliers, tapestry, round tables and golden chairs. Hardy got to sit at the bride's and groom's table as Duncan's parents were not alive anymore. He would have rather sat with Daisy, and would have sure felt less awkward at the children's table than in the center of attention.

He was glad to be able to rest briefly as he was getting tired. It worried him that he was worn out so easily but then a lot had happened that day and all the days leading up to the wedding. He listened to the father of the bride making his speech and then Duncan's younger brother Finlay. He was getting anxious as he was next. He wished he could drink some wine to relax, but that was clearly off the table. Finlay was doing an excellent job, witty and well-spoken and Hardy started to sweat. He wondered if he should take some of his pills, but then he already had just done so a couple of hours ago.

In between speeches, Daisy snuck over to him. She gave him a quick but nonetheless enthusiastic hug.

"I know you didn't prepare anything, but I also know you will do great. Just talk about who the two of you are. You'll be spectacular, Dad." She brushed a kiss on his cheek and ran back to her seat.

It was his turn. Finlay introduced him as Duncan's oldest friend, Hardy, who doesn't like to be called by his first name. The crowd laughed. He took a deep breath and stood up. Duncan's eyes met his and he forgot everything that he had thought of before. All of a sudden he was very aware of all the people staring at him and it grew very quiet. He could feel his ears heating up. His grip on his glass was way too tight. Then his gaze met Daisy's encouraging eyes and he quietly began his speech.

"I met Duncan when we were teenaged boys. I had never even looked at a girl and he had kissed four already, a fact that he pointed out basically over our first school lunch."

There was some laughter in the audience. Encouraged he continued. The tremble in his voice disappeared and his Scottish lilt pleasantly carried his words across the room.

"Turns out, dear Duncan was just as much of an actor then as he is now. And I guess I was destined to become a detective. It took me, I think, maybe four or five questions to expose his claim as embellishment. In fact he had kissed one girl and was all head over heels for her. The girl was a fierce red head from across town who he had met at dance lessons a few times. Every Wednesday he would come back from his class full of stories about her. It was amazing how _much_ could happen in 30 minutes, I fear he might have bent the truth here and there."

People chuckled and Duncan groaned.

"One day, he dragged me to the class. I was rubbish at dancing but I was curious enough about her. She wasn't there that day. I went many times to the class without the mystery girl being there. In the end I was forced to go to the summer dance with him to meet her. I still believe they ganged up on me to get me to go to class with him so that he could make fun of me and my two left feet."

"Not true." Duncan's voice boomed with mock indignation. More laughter ensued. Hardy finally relaxed and he smiled, crinkles forming around his eyes.

"So, I went to the dance and finally met the infamous girl. Her name was Geena." He gave the bride a nod and a smile. Geena grinned at him, probably knowing what would come next.

"I _hated_ her." To Hardy's surprise people were still laughing.

"I mean, seriously, she was just too perfect. A beautiful red head – all Scottish boys back then wanted a red head…"

There was a 'hear-hear' from somewhere in the audience. Hardy raised his glass vaguely in the direction.

"And she wasn't only a red-head but also smart, funny and could dance. And she liked Duncan, which was probably her biggest and only character flaw, come to think of it. I spent hours interrogating the poor girl, trying to figure out what her real game was. But besides true admiration and love for my friend I could never find anything. She finally called me out on it. Said if I'd ever ask her another bloody question again she'd twist my balls off."

Geena raised her glass and the audience cheered.

"And here we are now, celebrating them finally taking their vows. Duncan recently reminded me what those vows are about, to be there for each other in the good times but more so the bad times. I watched them go through thick and thin over the last two decades. I saw them giving life to four wonderful children, Cory, Gavin, James and wee Fiona. But what has always struck me the most was that Duncan's relentless love for this red headed girl who was so elusive to meeting me is still just as strong as it was on the day he claimed to already have kissed four other girls. And I can tell you with absolute certainty, that he never made it to that number after meeting Geena."

There was laughter again. Hardy turned to the newlyweds and raised his glass. "To Geena, the fierce red head who already tamed Duncan before he even knew it."

People followed his toast, cheering for the bride.

"And to Duncan, my oldest and dearest friend. Whose brutal honesty has set me straight many more times than I can count. Without you, I'd be lost."

He gave a nod to Duncan and looked at him. The guests were cheering and clapping. Duncan was clearly moved. He stood up and gave him another one of his bear hugs. Hardy stifled a groan. He didn't want to ruin the moment.

Duncan's words were muffled against Hardy's body. "Same here, Alec, same here."

* * *

After all words had been said and the meal was over, it was time for the fun part of the wedding. Hardy had found a quiet spot in a corner. The emotional ups and downs of the day were starting to take their toll on him and he needed to be by himself. He'd always enjoyed observing rather than participating and found consolation in it.

He was watching Daisy talking to Cory. He was fifteen, getting rather tall and lanky with a recent growth spurt. He had his father's wild green eyes and the fierce copper hair of his mother. His freckles were more pronounced when he smiled which he sure was doing a lot while talking to Daisy. When he moved to drag her to the dance floor there was a gracefulness to him that was surprising for a teenaged boy.

Many years ago Duncan called him in the middle of the night to confess that he was a bad father. Hardy was on his way home from a long day at the police station and not really in the mood to discuss his friend's latest parental guilt attack. But when Duncan got talking he still listened. Apparently, Cory had shared with his parents that he wanted to go to an art prep school, specifically for dance. Geena was all in favor but Duncan lost his temper. He had laid into the boy and in the end forbid him to go the school.

Hardy tried to be supportive and reassure his friend in his decision about trying to steer away his boy from a potential futile pursuit. Duncan then got really upset with Hardy because he didn't get it. Hardy had been confused, seemed to be proper reasoning to him. Duncan finally confessed, that it wasn't the prospect of failure that made him reject his son's choice but the exact opposite. He was certain Cory would do exceptionally well, but the actual reason behind his outburst was very different. He felt jealous of his son's very real outlook of success in the performing arts, something that he as theater actor had not been able to achieve.

Hardy was surprised about this confession. Duncan never really spoke about that part of his life much and Hardy didn't press him. He of all people knew about not wanting to talk about things. They had a long conversation that night, he driving around and Duncan pacing up and down in his study. Until Hardy finally found the right words to reassure his friend that he's not a bad father, that he should be open with his son about his feelings and for God's sake just send him to that school. Five years later, Cory had gained a scholarship to the Royal Ballet School and would be moving to Covent Garden the coming fall. And Duncan couldn't be more proud of him.

Hardy watched them dance. Cory was leading her confidently through the fast paced song. He moved them over the floor elegantly, twirled her around, and then, when the song ended, dipped her torso, her long hair flowing down to the floor, head tilted back in a laugh. Hardy beamed. His earlier worries about her still needing to recover more were unfounded. He probably should have been more worried about his own health as a matter of fact. It was time to take his pills and he was about to sneak out to the bathroom when Daisy came back.

She threw herself into his arms, face flushed from excitement.

"Dad, did you watch us dance? Cory is amazing."

A pang of jealousy flickered through Hardy's mind.

"Aye, I did. Remember how much fun you had when your mother will yell at us tonight." He smiled lovingly at his daughter.

She grinned. She had a mischievous sparkle in her eyes.

"It's time for you to have some fun too. You've been dodging dancing with me all day. Cory picked out a special song for us. Some American band that I've never heard of before but he swears we'll like it. I told him the only dance you know is a waltz."

She took his hand and started pulling him towards the dance floor. He was rather reluctant. Not because he didn't want to dance with her or because he was rubbish at it. He didn't trust his bum heart. Although, if he could wing anything then it would be a waltz. After all he did take lessons before his own wedding to make sure that Tess would never forget her first dance as Mrs. Hardy. And she didn't. In a good way. He smiled at the memory. He should take Tess out dancing sometime soon.

"Dad, where's your brain? Zoning out again, ey? Come on, let's go." And she tugged gently on his tie, an innocent gesture, which melted Hardy's resolve not to exert himself. He took a deep breath and prayed that he wouldn't pass out on the dance floor.

It was a fast paced waltz, which took Hardy a little by surprise. And it wasn't a pop song either. The melody was carried by the melancholic sound of two accordions. There were no lyrics, just the swinging rhythm of the waltz. He quite liked it.

He pulled Daisy a little closer, the faster pace calling for it. She looked up at him, a little shy, not quite as confident as she had been a minute ago. After the first few measures had passed and after a few moments of tripping over each other's feet, they found their step and swing just when a bass started accompanying the accordions. His hand was holding hers tightly, their long fingers laced into each other's. His arm was wrapped around her thin waist. The warm touch of her hand on his hip made him feel happier than he had been in a while.

They followed the music, quickly making their way around the dance floor. He was able to lead them without bumping into any of the other dancers and his confidence was growing. His body seemed to remember what he had learned many years ago and he let it take the lead. The song picked up with violins taking over the melody and the accordions fading to the background. Daisy was beaming and clearly enjoying the moment.

When the drums joined the song, they were swirling over the dance floor, and Hardy was letting go of all the heart ache of the last weeks. His face was young with a broad smile, his eyes bright and happy.

There was a brief pause where the song gathered to its peak. Hardy slowed them down just in the right moment and then when the music picked up the pace again, the violins taking it home in full steam, he gently pushed Daisy away from him, brought their hands over her head and spun her around. She laughed in surprise and her hair and dress were flowing all around her.

The song was reaching its peak and Hardy and Daisy were gliding over the dance floor, her dress swaying with the swift pace that he was leading them by. He spun them around to the swelling melody, one last graceful turn before the music slowed down. He gently rocked them side to side until the haunting sound of the accordions and violins faded.

When the music stopped, he pulled her close and he held her in a tight embrace, he wished could go on forever. His eyes were moist with tears of joy and whatever else was to happen, nobody would ever be able to take this moment away from him.

He kissed her head and breathed into her hair "I love you, Daisy."

Daisy looked up at him, her brown eyes wide and full of emotion. "I love you too, Dad."

And she hugged him tightly, before they left the dance floor. Neither one of them had noted the wedding photographer who had been following them like a paparazzi. The photographer smiled broadly when she looked at the shots she had taken. She had found the perfect moment and all she could think of was what a wonderful memory this would make.

* * *

Hardy was rather out of breath when they reached back to where he had been hiding out. He was light-headed and he was about an hour late taking his medications. He excused himself to go to the bathroom and had to steady himself against the wall for a brief moment. He was stealthy enough for Daisy not to notice.

He made it to the facilities and took his pills. Exhausted he sat down in the vestibule of the actual rest room. He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. He dwelled in the feelings that dancing with Daisy had given him. He was eternally grateful that he had made the effort to take her, no matter what the cost would be in the end. Engulfed in the pleasant warmth of his happiness he dozed off.

"Still got it, ey?"

Duncan's voice made him snap his eyes open. There was a brief jolt in his chest but nothing else. He shook his head and slurred his words. "Cannae let a man rest for a m'ment?"

"I would, but I saw you looked rather done for when you walked in here. This is a wedding not a funeral, mate."

Hardy groaned. Duncan's sense of humor was questionable at times.

"Ha! Not funny. Shouldn't wake me like that. I can be scared to death these days. Takes a special talent to do that." He might as well start practicing gallows' humor himself.

Duncan's large frame was leaning against the wall, his hands tapping his legs to the rhythm of the faint music filtering in from the Banqueting Hall.

"You made a good looking couple out there. People were rather impressed. Daisy's so grown up already. She's quite a beauty, isn't she?"

Hardy just nodded, tired of all the talking.

"And I think she likes my boy, Cory."

Hardy's head jerked up. He eyed Duncan from below. He nodded again not saying anything.

"Wouldn't it be something, if we'd both be dancing at their wedding?" Duncan laughed until he saw Hardy's face. He abruptly stopped.

"Alec, what is it?"

All color had fled Hardy's face. He was ashen and his hands were trembling. He put a hand over his eyes and mouth, sucking in breaths in a desperate attempt to calm himself.

"Alec, talk to me. What is it? Do you need your medication?" Duncan's voice was deep with worry.

Hardy slowly shook his head and finally gained some control over his emotions. His quiet voice was breaking up when he shared his thoughts.

"What if I never get to dance at her wedding? What if I won't be able to lead her down the aisle and give her hand to the man she loves? What if I just won't be there anymore?"

Duncan stooped down in front of his friend. He took Hardy's trembling hands in his and found his eyes which were dark and wild with fear and pain.

"Listen to me carefully, Alec. You will get through this. It's not a death sentence. There are things that can be done and you will do them. You're not alone in this. Daisy and Tess will be with you and so will I and Geena. Forget about the silly things like not driving or no sex, forget about the job. Take some time off and get yourself straightened out. Nothing wrong with that. It's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength to be able to step back and take care of yourself. People tend to forget that."

There was no reaction from Hardy and Duncan's worried frown grew deeper.

"Are you hearing me, Alec?"

Hardy was listening to his friend's words, clinging to them, pulling himself away from the darkness that had taken a hold of him rather suddenly. He took in a shuddering breath and let it out slowly. He held Duncan's gaze, eyes lightning up, and nodded.

"I can't do this on my own, Duncan, but I'm really rubbish at asking for help. You know that." His voice was still rather shaky.

"I know. That's why I'm here. If you need someone to take you the hospital, I'll be there. If you need a bullocking because you're not listening to the doctors, I'll be there. If you can't tell Tess by yourself, I'll be there with you if you think it helps. You're the most stubborn person that I know, worse than I am and that says a lot. Use that annoying single mindedness of yours to focus on the important things in life, like love and family. Please, Alec. If you can't do it for yourself than do it for Daisy and Tess, do it for me."

Hardy was calming down. Duncan was right. He could do something about this and if not for himself, then for all the people around him who loved him. With their support he'd be able to go through this and have enough of a reason to address this problem and take care of himself. He felt lighter than he had this whole week. He made a plan to sit down with Tess and Daisy the next day and tell them everything. No more lies, no more hiding. And he would make the appointment for the procedures as soon as he could. He'd talk to Baxter on Monday and let him know he would have to take some time off.

He put his hand on Duncan's shoulders. "Thank you. I meant what I said in there, without you I'd be lost."

Duncan smiled and stood up. "I'm just repaying a debt, mate. Besides… and don't take this the wrong way… I love you, Hardy, and I wanna have your sorry arse around as long as I can, purely out of selfish reasons."

Hardy grinned and clambered to his feet. "Right, my sorry arse. That's all your after. Should have told Geena that before you got married to her."

Duncan gave him another pat on the back, this time more gently, and laughed again. "Let's go back and see what my sons from hell are up to. I hear that James and Gavin prepared a skit or something, I fear for the health of some of the older members of this wedding party."

Hardy followed his friend and to his relief he was able to enjoy the rest of the festivities without any major emotional mishaps. _God,_ Daisy didn't even know how true her statement about his soppiness being his downfall these days was. The fact that he had made a decision though to come clean to his family and let them help him, was giving him peace and he couldn't wait for the next day to come.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: For those of you who have read “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”… I wrote Alec and Daisy dancing first and shared it with a certain someone. This certain someone really wanted to see the same thing happen for Alec and Ellie because she’s a hopeless shipper, so I did write it for her, set in the same AU many, many months later. And eventually I hope to tell my whole story so that it comes full circle. 
> 
> We are nearing the end of this part of the story, one more chapter and an epilogue. But Part Two – Alec’s journey throughout the Sandbrook case – will follow right after. Thank you again for reading and I hope you will stick around for the conclusion and continuation alike.


	20. CHAPTER 20 and Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: THANK YOU TO EVERYONE who was reading, commenting, following and enjoying Alec's journey with me. This is the final chapter of "Part One" and it ends on a soppy note, because considering everything, how else could it?

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 20**

Hardy was sitting alone on the stairs leading up to the tower. He had left the party a while ago, trying to clear his head before driving the long way home. It was late and guests were starting to leave. He watched Duncan shaking hands with many of them. A smile curled around his lips. He considered himself lucky to have a friend like him and he was even more grateful that Duncan had Geena and his children.

Someone walked up towards him. To his surprise it was the bride.

"Hiya, how are you holding up?"

She smiled at him and reigned in her dress to sit down next to him. He scooted over on the step.

"Fine. Just getting some air. How about yourself?"

She leaned against him, closing her eyes. She chuckled quietly.

"I'm a little tipsy, but otherwise it's been splendid. Thank you for coming, Alec. It meant a lot to Duncan. And me." She nudged him in the side. "You still think liking the big man is my only flaw?"

It was his turn to chuckle. "That and your love for purple. Did it really have to be that? I mean look at us…" He tugged on his purple tie and huffed. "Not a very manly color."

"It sure looked nice on Daisy. And you for that matter." She grinned and proceeded to fix his tie and vest.

"Ach, stop flattering me."

Hardy swatted her hand away playfully. He caught the expression on her face. It might have been the dark but he could have sworn she looked sad.

"Duncan told you, didn't he?" His voice was level.

She nodded, not looking at him. The tears on her cheeks were glistening in the moonlight. He leaned over and wiped them away.

"Please, don't, Geena." He smiled at her. "I'll be fine. I'll get the help I need and things will be alright."

He sounded more reassuring than he felt. He took her hand and rubbed his thumb over her new wedding band. He missed Tess. He missed being close to her, more so emotionally than anything else.

Geena read his thoughts. "How are things between Tess and you? Why didn't she want to come?"

He took in a deep breath, propped his elbows on his knees and rested his face in his palms. He rubbed it a few times before he answered.

"Dunno. She just said she wasn't fond of Duncan." After a few heart beats he hesitantly continued. "It's been… challenging. We've been arguing and it got worse with Daisy being sick."

Geena frowned. "She was arguing with you while you were in the hospital, with everything that's been going on with you?" The tone of her voice sure made it sound rather despicable.

"It's not like that. I… I haven't really told her everything. She felt like I left her alone while Daisy was ill. I understand that."

She scoffed. "But that's horseshit, Alec. How can she accuse you of leaving her alone? You almost died, for heaven's sake. That's rather unreasonable, even for her."

Hesitantly, he admitted, "Maybe it's something else than just that. Tess feels I haven't been… present much lately."

"And? Haven't you?" It was a neutral question.

He shifted uncomfortably on the step. He could feel his body getting stiff in the chilly night air. There was a quick stab in his rib cage and he let out a moan. Geena placed her hand on his back and rubbed it gently.

"Honestly, I don't know. The last case I've been working on really got to me, it followed me home. "He swallowed hard. "I was having nightmares, got distracted a lot. And then Daisy got sick and everything went to shit."

He pinched his eyes and the bridge of his nose. "I want to change things, Geena. I need to. I can't lose her, I can't lose my family. If I do, I have nothing left. I just don't know how."

"Just talk to her, Alec. Be honest. Tell her what you just told me. Listen to what she has to say. Don't get upset. Don't fight." She continued to rub his back, soothing with the motion just as much as with her words.

He nodded with his mouth slightly open. "Right. No more hiding, ey?" He sucked in a breath and clambered to his feet.

"We'd better get going. It's getting late and I'm tired." He held out his hand to help her up. "Thanks, Geena. For this. And for taking care of the big man."

She put her hand on his arm, tiptoed and kissed him on the cheek. "Of course Alec. Anytime. You're not alone, don't forget that."

They walked back together, her arm tucked under his.

 

* * *

 

It took him a while to find Daisy. Apparently she and Cory had gone for a walk on the grounds. He had to muster all the constraint he could not to get angry at her and even more so at Cory. Duncan's teasing remark about him being jealous didn't help the matter. By the time she finally returned he had sufficiently calmed down not too lash out on the poor boy and to be only reasonably grumpy.

They said their good byes to the newlyweds. Duncan reminded Hardy again to call him with anything and to stay in touch. Geena hugged him, told him to have courage and talk to Tess. Daisy fell asleep quickly once they were on the road. He listened to her quiet breathing, finding its regularity comforting. It was shortly after midnight when they reached home and Hardy was spent. There were lights on in the house and his stomach knotted up knowing what was to come.

He gently woke up Daisy. "We're home, darlin'. Get ready to go inside, your mother is still awake. Go straight to your room, let me deal with her."

"Dad, you shouldn't take the full brunt of this. After all it's not like you kidnapped me." Daisy yawned.

"It's alright. It was my plan and I knew what I was getting myself into. I'll deal with it." He brushed a lock of hair out of her face and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"Dad, before we go inside, can I tell you something?" She was fidgeting with her jacket.

"Sure, darlin'. You can always tell me things." He hoped this had nothing to do with Cory.

"I watched you talk to Fiona, when James messed up her tea party. And it reminded me of something. I remembered playing tea party with you and my plastic dinosaurs. We were sitting on the rug in the living room. You were doing the voices for the figures and serving the tea."

She smiled at him. "Seeing you with Fiona like that made me cry, because I can still remember how happy I was then. That feeling was so strong, Dad. When we shared the dance today, I had the same feeling. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I am very, very glad that you're my Dad and no matter what's going to happen in there, nothing can take this moment away from us. I wanted you to know, I appreciate all the things you do for me."

She looked him straight in the eyes. "I love you, Dad. Always."

There was nothing he could say. Words had left him and his already shaken emotional barriers gone, he cried in front of his teenaged daughter as if there was no tomorrow. He held her for a long time, before they made their way inside the house, facing the storm together.

 

* * *

 

He had been right to send Daisy to her room straight away. Tess was livid. Not only had they snuck out, Hardy also conveniently had forgotten to bring his phone, just to make sure she couldn't get in the way. Tess' only remark to Daisy was a cutting "I'll deal with you later," and then her full attention was on him.

"I almost called the police. How does child abduction in your personnel file sound to you?" She was very quiet, the quiet before the storm hits.

He dragged his tired body to the living room and slumped down on the couch. He closed his eyes and immediately felt himself drift off to sleep. He jumped when she yelled his name.

"Alec! What the fuck do you think you're doing? Don't you dare fall asleep on me. I don't care how tired you are, should have thought about that before your little stunt." She was towering over him.

He was distracted as his heart rate was suspiciously up and didn't seem to calm down. There was a tugging in his chest and he absentmindedly rubbed the area. Where had he left his pills?

"Are you even listening to what I'm saying?" She slapped him on the arm.

"Ouch. That hurt. Why did you do that for?" He rubbed the spot where she had hit him.

"Because you're not paying attention. And I want you to pay very close attention to what I have to say."

She glared at him, still standing over him.

"I'm all yours then." He didn't want to engage in a fight and the best way to deflect things would be to hear her out.

"I want to be clear about one thing, Alec. If you ever take my daughter without my knowing again, I will not hesitate to call the police. I don't care if that impacts your career or anything else. A charade like today is unacceptable and if it ever happens again, you will pay the prize."

She was dead serious, he had no doubt about that. Normally he would have said, he's sorry but he wasn't, not this time. He remained silent, letting her have it out on him.

"Is that what you're going for then? Not saying anything? Typical Hardy move. You think with being stoic you can just ride it out. Not gonna work, Alec. I'm tired of you not being engaged in anything that's going on in this house unless it's some hairbrained thing you came up with. I'm tired of you only having eyes for Daisy and not caring about anything that involves _us_."

Those last words got his attention. He looked up at her. Her lips were trembling and her eyes were glistening with tears. But they were tears brought on by anger, not sorrow, nothing like what he felt. He opened his mouth to speak, but still didn't really know what to say. He was shivering in the chilly air and his heart was still beating uncomfortably fast.

"For God's sake, will you say something?"

She started pacing in front of the sofa, rubbing her shoulder to get rid of some of the tension. Then rather abruptly she sat down opposite of him, fixing her blue angry eyes on him.

"Heavens know what's going on in your brain, Alec. I sure don't because you haven't let me in there in ages. I'm not even sure anymore how to talk to you, you bloody idiot. I hate what we've become. We used to be so good together and now it's all just _this._ " She vaguely waved her hand between them.

He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees, hands rubbing together. His head was hanging down, he didn't dare look at her. She was right. He had not let her in, but it wasn't by intention. Lately, he was feeling so overwhelmed by his own emotions that he didn't quite know how to handle that. All he could do was to build walls around them. For his own protection. A move that clearly had repercussions on his relationship as well, something he had never considered.

Eventually, she broke the uncomfortable silence. "You know what's even worse though? You've grown reckless, with yourself and with others. Maybe you just don't care anymore."

Head still hanging down, he finally found his voice. "I do. I do care. About Daisy, about you. Very much, Tess. And I will need to take better care of myself, because I want to put things right. I…"

He had to pause as his heart missed a few beats and the tugging feeling in his chest turned into pain. He took in a few deep breaths and managed to go on.

"There are things I want to tell you, things you need to know. I just can't right now, not tonight. I'm so _exhausted._ Not only from today. I've been so worn out, Tess."

He dragged his hands over his face, trying to wipe away some of the weariness. And finally, after all those weeks since they first had a fight about it, he found the courage to tell his wife how much it had hurt him that she didn't come to the wedding with him.

"I really wanted you to come with me today, so much. I wanted to make this day special, for Daisy, for you and for us. I know I did for Daisy and I will never regret what I did, however angry you may be. The whole day all I could do was to think about how much I missed you there by my side. Not having you with me hurt, it hurt a lot."

He looked up and made sure he was holding her gaze before he continued.

"But you know what hurt even more? That you couldn't do this for me. That you couldn't get over a petty fight and a bit of wounded ego to do something for me. I don't ask for much, Tess, but this I did ask for, I basically begged you and you still couldn't bring yourself to leave your pride behind and be there for me. I would do _anything_ for you, but you…"

His voice broke off. He had said enough. He was done. His heart was aching but not for medical reasons. She was silent, looking out into the dark. He slowly stood up, having to steady himself against the back of the sofa. He wanted to walk away, but realized he might not be able to. Defeated, he all but fell back on the cushions. He had nothing left in him.

He closed his eyes and mumbled, "I'll take the sofa, too tired to move. Don't be too harsh on her. She was so happy, don't ruin it, please."

He fell asleep before she even had left the room.

 

* * *

 

Something was pulling on his head. He jerked awake, sucking in some air.

"Oh, sorry, Dad. Didn't mean to wake you up."

Daisy was leaning over him, tucking in a pillow behind his head. She had already wrapped a blanket around him.

"What time's it?" His words were heavy with drowsiness.

"Two in the morning or so. I waited until Mom fell asleep. Didn't want to run into her again. Couldn't let you freeze your butt off. It's really cold tonight." She shivered in her thin night gown.

"I brought you your phone. I know how much you hate waking up and not knowing what time it is." She smiled at him, with warmth and love.

"Thanks, darlin'. You didn't have to stay up." His lips curled up ever so slightly. He barely could keep his eyes open.

"It's quite alright. That's the least I can do." She brushed his disheveled hair out his eyes and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

"Go back to sleep now, you need it. Sweet dreams. I love you, Dad."

The warmth of her voice was all encompassing. His eyes were already shut when he mumbled, "I love you too, darlin'."

 

**FIN**

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

**EPILOGUE – How It Ends**

The rattling noise of the phone buzzer on the glass table stopped only to resume after a brief pause. Hardy squinted into the sunny morning light. His whole body hurt from the trials of the previous day. He stretched out his cramped up legs and propped himself up. The phone had stopped.

He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the sofa. He ran his fingers through his hair which was sticking up in all directions. The dress shirt he had not taken off last night was damp with sweat and clinging to his body uncomfortably.

It was too early to wake up everyone with taking a shower so he decided to make breakfast instead, the only meal he was any good at cooking. He tossed his phone on the kitchen table without paying attention to the missed calls.

His mind lingered on the argument he and Tess had after coming back from the wedding. Again, he thought she was right about certain things. He felt relieved that he had finally told her why it hurt him so much that she didn't come with them. It was a start and today he was going to tell his family about his health problems and find a way to deal with it together.

He had just swallowed his morning pills, when the phone buzzed again.

_Bloody hell_ , it was Sunday morning. Couldn't they leave it alone? He eventually answered.

An irate Baxter didn't waste any time. "Hardy? God damn you. What the hell took you so long to pick up the bloody phone? I need you to get your sorry arse here immediately."

Baxter's tendency to use foul language usually rose exponentially with the stress he was feeling. Hardy frowned.

"Sir, what's going on?" Trepidation made his Scottish accent sound more like a growl.

"There are two teenaged girls missing and I need all hands on deck. You better get yourself and Tess to the station before I have to come and get you."

"On our way, sir."

He hung up the phone. Two teenaged girls, just like Daisy. He swallowed hard. A feeling of dread settled in. He prayed to every god out there that it would only be a case of two children running away and not his worst nightmare.

He balled his shaking hands into fists and took in a few calming breaths. And with every fiber in his body determined to find those girls, he made his way upstairs to wake up Tess.

_To be continued…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I have to admit when I wrote the final words, I wasn't quite sure how to feel. I was excited to have finished, but I was also sad to put a close to this part of the story. Alec's life is about to fall apart, we all already know how it ends, many more holes are to be poked in his soul. It's been an emotional time in Alec's life and it's not about to get better. My husband actually coined the word "crying porn" as I did make Alec cry an awful lot – he might be right. But I hope it wasn't too much and that you liked my very AU portrayal of Alec Hardy.
> 
> Thank you again for all the love and support you've given me over the last weeks. Oh, and a special shout out to Hazel, because without her comments, wit and ENTHUSIASM this story would have never happened. She did accuse me though of enjoying torturing Alec Hardy, possibly rightfully so. She has read part of the Sandbrook story already, where things are not exactly looking up for our favorite detective ;-) "Part Two" is about to begin and I hope some of you will join Alec on this journey as well. I'm planning to post the first chapter in the next week or so. Needs a lot more plotting than a wedding ;-) I'm happy to announce the return of some of my OCs. THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE!


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